should I meet someone through an online dating site?

[GeekyJenn]

Just out of curiousity, and the fact I knew someone who met her spouse on there, I tried doing the whole Eharmony thing. It told me It couldn't help me!! So, now what? Do i still try to sign up and hope that someone shows up someday? Are there other sites to attempt to date off of that are okay? I did qCupid (i think that's it!) and i met several people there who are now pretty good friends. I guess I thought eharmony might be good and helpful without giving me wackos!

I guess I just wonder what are decent places to meet decent people... since apparently Eharmony can't help me! haha. Maybe I just give up and go join activities instead! I did meet my guy (now ex) via a "Friend". I was so relieved not to have met him online. So maybe I should stick to that...

I don't know. I am not really anxious to get started dating again, but finding someone would be nice. at least friends or something. Being that I will probably be moving soon, I wanted to try to meet someone to at least be friends with in the area i'm going.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Jenn,

We don't like the term "online dating" because taken literally that can't really work. You can't successfully "date online" and be more than pen pals. We like to refer to it as "online introductions".

Online dating sites are great, we definitely believe in the concept. But beware a common trap - especially if you're not meeting people in your area YET.

The danger in online dating

People often meet other online and begin having a virtual relationship. That's harmful because your imagination immediately starts to fill in all the details you're not given, the interpersonal stuff that we as pack animals require.

So you're building a relationship on an ideal that will almost always leave you disappointed, and most of the time leave you with the feeling that you were somehow misled. Regardless, it's highly unlikely to work out.

What online dating is really good at...

The idea here is that you should use online dating for what these sites are REALLY good at... to narrow down the millions of people in your metroplex to the handful of available singles (or couples, lol) that may fit what you're looking for.

Just imagine walking into a bar where everyone inside fit the general profile you're looking for. Wow... you could have the right guy (or lady, lol) picked out in no time flat.

And that's ALL you do online... you narrow down the prospects to some likely candidates, exchange a couple of messages and maybe some instant messages to rule out the freaks (term used loosely of course, though many ladies will know exactly what that means).

Choosing the right online dating site for you

These days you could argue dating sites are a dime a dozen... there are a few standouts though.

eHarmony is probably not the one to go with, unless you're a woman desperate to find a husband, and fast. I don't know that any guys have had the patience to fill out all those forms!

Match.com is quick, easy, and works as advertised. Millions of available singles, looking for the right person to connect with.

MySpace and Facebook - sure it's free to date on those sites, but they're not for people looking to date... so it's not really a natural fit.

Then there's PlentyOfFish and other free dating sites. - Again, free is nice, but with a paid site you know that everyone else on there who contacts you is at least serious enough about this to put down $20. That may or may not matter to you.

And of course you have sex and swinger dating sites like Adult Friend Finder or even SDC.

What may be surprising to some is that the swinger community (yeah, it can be called that) is by and large an amazingly friendly bunch, and a particularly safe haven for women. Yeah, it's not your "vanilla" girl's best way to make friends (maybe Friendster?) but swingers do tend to have a lot of fun, and unlike a lot of college bars, "no means no" is very firmly enforced. A lot of outsiders don't realize that these days women really run the show. The old idea of "wife swapping" is about as modern as "horse trading".

So whichever one is right for you, the trick is to use all this wonderful, modern technology to your advantage. Weed out the likely candidates and meet them offline - fast. For a quick drink, quick coffee, etc. Make it quick and simple - heck, schedule 3 dates in a row the same afternoon, 30 minutes apart, each one 15 mins. Believe me, if it's a hit, you'll get together again. If not, you have an easy, comfortable out.

Online dating safety

Not to gloss over this, but beware who you're meeting and where. Especially for women, but really this goes for anyone. Make sure a friend knows who you're meting and when. And meet somewhere public for a short get together. If it works great, then you can get together in a more intimate setting later - but if not, in this day and age there's a lot of safety in a public setting.

Here are a couple more online dating safety resources:

• Online Dating: 10 Ways To Avoid Stalkers and Assorted Nutcases
• Find Out If Your New Partner Has Ever Been Married

Let us know how it goes!!
Dan

[lisaq]

First of all don't let eHarmony rejection get you down. I've been rejected by them twice. There are tons of people who have been regardless of what they lead you to believe. And Dan is right, unless you're desperate to get married, eHarmony is probably not the best way to go anyway. I haven't talked to anyone, whether rejected or accepted by them, who was satisfied with their service.

Match.com and Plenty of Fish are both decent. Just use common sense when meeting someone and be sure to check out those resources Dan mentioned.