Can You Really Grow To Love Some One?

[CVAHooper]

I Recently Started Dating This Guy, I'll Admit It Wasnt An Instant Attraction But He's A Lovely Person And We Get On Well. We've Been On Three Dates Now And We Shared Our First Kiss Just The Other Night, I Had Dreaded It But When The Time Came I Felt Totally Comfortable. But I'm Still Wondering Whether I Can Actually Grow To Love Him Or Whether The Grass Is Actually Greener On The Other Side, Please Help What Should I Do?

[ooze]

I'd say go give it a shot to see how it really turns out to be. Most times is way more then what we espect it to be.

[FeliciaG]

So often those early dates don't really reflect on what the relationship can become. You're still too nervous, getting used to each other's energy and dealing with the physical chemistry stuff. It's only after you can relax with each other for a while that you can really see whether you've got something real or something that was just all imagination and flirtatious nervousness! I say give it time and don't expect instant wisdom after just a couple of dates - would you suddenly decide that a member of the same sex was going to become your best friend after just three lunches together? Probably not. You'd want to spend time to see if you really get along. How can you know that after three conversations - or three dates?

Felicia

[Alexstrandberg]

Hey,

"grow to love" means he is a really NICE, sweet, caring guy but there is no attraction for him. Logically he seems like he would make a great catch but he just doesn't do it for you. There are all these great qualities but he lacks the one that is most important..the ability to create attraction.

"he's really great but..." any time you hear yourself or anyone else use this words they are trying to make a situation work that doesn't have a chance. Great qualities are important to have in a potential mate but they should be able to create attraction as well.

To answer your question, yes you can grow to love him but only as a friend. If the attraction isn't there the relationship will become more like a loving friendship than anything else.

You have two choices right now:

1) stick it out in HOPES that some attraction will be sparked

or

2) move on until you find a guy that really does it for you

Choice number one almost always ends the same way. If the attraction isn't there NO amount of time will help create it. It's either there or it's not. They are just rationalizing the lack of sexual attraction they don't feel.

Most people who have this situation try their hardest to convince themselves that the fun, enjoyable good times they have with this person is attraction but it's not.

Either that or they think something is wrong with themselves. "he's a fun, funny good guy but I just don't feel it for him. What's wrong with me?" Nothing is wrong with you he just doesn't know what to do in order to maintain or create attraction.

There are guys out there with good, decent qualities that can actually create attraction. They are few and far between but the search is worth it. If I were you I would keep looking till you find a guy that you CAN'T WAIT to KISS. Instead of dreading the moment when he tries to kiss you.

Alex