Does she like me?

[BrassPlayer4Life]

I am SO confused now. Okay, so everything was going great. I've really gotten to know her very good for people who aren't going out together, but now I'm not sure if she likes me. Today in history class, because I missed all of school yesterday, I decided I was going to ask her what we did. Well, it turned out we were in groups picked by the students so I had to find a group. I said while laughing, "Aw man, I don't have a group and if I can't, I'm going to have to wing this project!" She said to me, "Unfortunately I got stuck with __ and ___ (two guys) because they begged me; they're really annoying and bother me a lot. You can join my group since they don't help." I said, "Okay, thanks a lot." So all was good. She told me what the directions were and what they didn't finish. Apparently she heard that I am good with a pencil (it was a drawing project), so I had to fix a lot of their mistakes. She said that her drawings weren't good (of the 13 original colonies), but I complimented hers and said they were fine and just needed a little tweeking and this little mark changed and stuff like that. Everything was going along fine, then one of the jocks in our group (one of the two who doesn't do anything) said, "Hey (person's name)! I haven't given you a hug in a long time. Come on now; give me a hug." She said, "No, that's okay." but the jock kept bothering her, so she gave in and gave him a quick hug for about 2 seconds that seemed like ages to me. I couldn't tell if she wanted to give him a hug or not because she was laughing that he asked that because she said he's never gave her a hug before, but either way, I couldn't tell. I was kind of angry and almost sad, but I kept my cool and didn't show it. Then, while I was drawing and fixing their mistakes, she said that I was a really good artist and that I should be in art class. Well, I just said that I don't really like drawing and said I took art last year (which is true). We continued to talk while working and were almost done. During the process, the two jocks who don't do any of the work kept on saying how hot she was and stuff like that, and they were touching her on the shoulder and even slapped her book out of her hands. They'd be like, "Yeah, I went out with ___ person last year; that was a mistake because she's not hot like (person's name)." and were also saying stuff like, "I think (person's name) should be a model because of her good looks.", ect. When they slapped her book out, I said in an angry voice with face turning red, "Pick her book up and make yourself useful instead of sitting on those damn desks telling each other how hot (person's name) is and acting like assholes." I am a person who doesn't like to swear and everyone knows that, so when I do, they know it's because I'm furious or pissed off so they were awestruck and all they could say was, "I did the entire project yesterday practically by myself." Well, I didn't have anything to go on since I wasn't there, but a friend of mine said, "Pick up the book, grab a damn marker and color this with me and actually do something instead of talk." It was SO frustrating for us two, but we both had to bare with it because after all, they were in our group. After we were done, she said to me, "Oh my God, thank you so much for your help! I don't know what I would have done without you since you basically finished the project for me. Thank you so much for your help and I'm glad you joined our group!" I said, "Hey, no problem. I'm just happy we got done. Thanks again for letting me join your group." For the first time she stood by me fairly close and I almost felt like holding her hand or something, I don't know. I almost felt like asking her out right there, but there were too many people around, so I didn't.

When class was over I finallly musterd up the courage for once and I decided to talk to her in the hall after class. We had a good casual conversation and then we went our seperate ways. I went to my locker and came back down a different hallway; when I looked down the hall, I saw that her and this other guy I know were talking. I've actually noticed this every so often, but I didn't think of it too much. They were too far away, so I didn't know if she wanted to talk to him, but now I'm getting suspicious. They don't go to the same class but go the same way to class, so I think that's it because they never say anything like, "See you at the your house." or anything like that suggesting they are going out, so I'm going to ask my friend if she's going out with someone. I'm also thinking that because she's more popular than me by a little bit that maybe she's out of my league or something so now I'm getting worried that she won't go out with me because I'm less popular (even though we are both extremely popular).

I'm not sure now if she's intrested in me anymore, and I don't want to loose her to anyone because I don't know what I'd do if I found out if she was going out with someone.

I'm really sorry this is so long, but I'm getting worried and suspicious.

Can someone please help me???????????

[Alexstrandberg]

Jake,

I read your entire thread and she does like you. But you are doing your best to put an end to that. You are way too stuck in your head. You are a smart kid right? Smart people are not typically good with women because they over think things. Don't worry I had the same problem. I was in those AT programs going through school and it didn't help me with getting girls.

Bottom line is that you are scared. Your mind is racing a mile a minute with 'what if' questions. "what if she rejects me?" "What if she thinks I'm a loser?" "What if, what if, what if". This is the way the mind works. It thinks about the worse case scenario in advance so it can know how to deal with it. It thinks about rejection constantly so it can come up with ways to handle it.

This creates tons of nervousness and over thinking things (like in your case). The mind is incapable of thinking away fears. The mind is useless when it comes to dealing with things you are scared of doing.

The only way you can get over this is to ignore your thoughts and make a choice. Push through your fears or not? One will bring you a happy life and the other will bring you misery.

'Feel the fear and do it anyways'. Recognize that you are scared to ask her out and do it anyways. If she does reject you it won't be as bad as you think. The mind makes being rejected into this horrible, life threatening experience. The truth is, it's not. Every time you face a fear you realize that you made it out to be worse then it really is.

Alex

[BrassPlayer4Life]

Thanks a lot. Yeah, I've heard that smart guys do think too much about the "what ifs". I was SO confident up until this day and right when I saw her give that guy a hug, I thought I was going to die from envy and wrath inside of me.

It's true, I'm scared. I'm so nervous to ask her that I'd rather fail classes all day rather than have her say no to me. It's when I see her, think about her, or even hear her voice, I feel a big empty hole in my chest that says I need her and she needs me, but she's going to say no for some reason and I'll never know why! It drives me crazy! I think WAY to much!

Your right. My mind is constantly racing to figuere out what I'm going to do and my worriness is going to prevent me from getting her. I want to ask her out RIGHT NOW, but too many elements stand in my way. Everytime I'm going to ask her, people, time, and location get in my way. We always have a good time talking to each other, even on a day she told me her day was horrible, I cheered her up, but the timing is always horrible because it's like 5 minutes before class begins or when we are working in groups of four, or it's just where we are (people around). I don't want to ask her during class, with tons of people and while we are in groups. That would be horrible and talk about pressure! Also, my parents stand in a big way too. I'm afraid that if the girl I like does say yes and wants to go out with me to say a movie I'm 1) going to have to lie about it and say I'm going with my friends (which I've NEVER done before) because I'll be embarrassed or 2) my parents are not going to like the fact that I am going out with someone because she'll be my first girlfriend and they don't even know I'm even intrested in her or anything about my personal life like that. Is that normal?

I wouldn't know how to tell my mother or father that I have a girlfriend because I have 2 other brothers that are the same age as me so it's always busy around them whenever I have to ask them something personal. Should I just pull them off to the side and say, "Hey, there's this girl I like in class and I'm going to ask her to go to the movies with me on Saturday. If she says yes, will you give us a ride there?" To me, that would feel VERY awkward and would be SO embarrassing. Can you give me some advice as to how I should do that?

[BrassPlayer4Life]

Okay, so if the girl I ask does say yes and we are going to the movies together, do I tell my parents or do I just say I'm meeting some friends at the movies? I think it'd be awkward to tell them I'm going with a girl to the movies and it'd be pretty embarrassing to ask for a ride (we both can't drive yet).

Should I ask her to go to the movies with me on a Saturday or a Friday, and when should I ask her? Like, a day before (Friday/Thursday) or on a Monday? Also, the only time where I can talk to her is during class or just a few minutes before the bell and sometimes people interrupt us (not very often, but you never know.) I would rather ask her on a Monday morning because we are alone and I could ask her in the hallway, but I don't know if it'd be the right time and place to do that since we'd be walking and talking and it would be at 9:00AM too, so that might be too early. I don't even have her number, so I can't call her or anything like that! Should I just stand by her locker after school and ask her there or just do it while we are walking in the hallway, or just ask her during class with people around?


I don't know what to do and I'm SO confused, so can someone please give me some advice as to what I should do for both of my situations?

[SamIAm]

Jake,

About the parent issue...I kind of had the same one.

When was the last time you talked to your parents about dating? Maybe they just need to know you're ready for it now. My parents would have let me date when I was about 16 if the right guy had come along, but I was 17 going on 18 before I was ready, and that's what they needed to know. Maybe just pull them aside and be like "I found this girl..." I know it's awkward but perhaps that's best? I'd say just braving it is the best way to go. Honesty with your parents is underrated these days. It's actually quite a valuable thing to have that trusting, honest relationship with them, and they may surprise you in how they react if you act like a responsible adult in the first place.

As for when to ask her out, I'd say give her sufficient notice or she might have other plans already and have to say no. But don't ask her out a month ahead of time or anything. Maybe around Mon-Wed of the week before the weekend you want to take her out?

Hope this helps!

SamIAm

[BrassPlayer4Life]

Okay, I'll tell my mother and get her approval. I'm still confused as to if I should ask her to go with me on a Friday or Saturday, or should l ask which day would work out best for her, after consulting with my parents of course. I'll just tell my mother, "Mom, there's this girl I like at school and I want to ask her to go to a movie with me on Friday or Saturday. Is that okay with you?"

As for writing her a letter/note, I wouldn't know what to write down on it, and if I did, should I personally give it to her, or just put it somewhere discreet like her band folder or if I can, her backpack? Also, what if it just turns out that she has plans already and we have to do it another day and I don't know if I can make it or not? Would it be okay to tell her the next day if I can or can't make it or would that seem wierd or something?

Thanks SamIAm for your help with talking to my parents, but I just need some help with the letter/note I need to send to her. Other than that, everything else is good.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Originally Posted by BrassPlayer4Life

I would rather ask her on a Monday morning because we are alone and I could ask her in the hallway

Sounds good. keep it simple, you're overcomplicating. Just casually say something like "hey, let's grab a movie this weekend"... don't worry about specifying all the details, just set the course and then figure out the details as you're sailing along in conversation and see how she takes it.

Good luck!
Dan

[BrassPlayer4Life]

Hey thanks Dan and Jennifer! I am complicating things aren't I?! Thanks.

I'll just say to her before class, "What looks good in the movies right now to you?" once she answers, I'll say, "Would you like to go to it with me sometime?" and if she says yes I'll say, "Great! (smile) What time and day would you like to meet?" and carry it on from there.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, should I ask her if she would like to bring some friends or not? It would be our first time going somewhere together so I'm not sure. I would personally like us to go together and not with friends because we could get to know each other more and it would be easier to talk to each other and not listen to everyone so much, but I'm thinking I should ask her anyway, even though I don't want our friends to go. What do you think?

Thanks a lot Dan and Jennifer! That is a lot more simple than what I thought of before.

[Alexstrandberg]

Jake,

To make it less uncomfortable I'd suggest not going to a movie. Here's why

Second date questions, I would like to speed things up, or should I go with the flow.

Just ask her to hang out after school. To lessen the awkwardness of it come up with an activity you can do. Go to a local school and play basketball with her. You can play horse and make bets on the winner. "if I win you give me a kiss" or something like that.

This way your parents don't even come into the equation. If the date goes well then you can give your parents a heads up about it.

Don't invite her friends. It's a date and that needs to be clear. Other friends being around will make it awkward.

Alex

[Alexstrandberg]

as well,

try a little flirting when you play her. "you are so going down" and so on. If you aren't good at basketball accuse her of cheating in a fun, playful way.