i'm a young girl and i was wondering is it right for me to date alot older guys

[Jamie in KC]

ok I'm a 14 year old girl and i was wondering is it right for me to date alot older guys becuase I've dated guys in their 20's 30's and 40's before and my mom still doesn't know and i also have alot of older guys on my friends list on this dateing website one of my friends told me to go to

[SamIAm]

Don't do it. That is extremely dangerous--pretty much without exception, a guy that old who's interested in dating a 14-year-old is a pedaphile and does not have "honorable intentions." Plus for you to have a sexual relationship with someone over 18 is illegal...they would be considered guilty of rape even if you gave your consent.

Especially on a dating site. Those places are a breeding ground for creepers, especially if you're young.

My advice would be to stick to people under 18, whom you meet in person (i.e. school, clubs, etc), not over the internet or a dating service. When I was your age I wasn't very interested in the other 14-year-old boys, but I did have a crush on a good number of 15 and 16 year olds...and when I got a little older I even had a crush on this guy who was 8 years older than I was. But I knew him personally...my whole family had known him for like 8 years, and a lot of people I knew and trusted had known him his whole life.

Also, dating older men is like 500 times more dangerous if your mom doesn't know. Really dating ANYONE is lots more dangerous if your mom doesn't know. What if something happened to you, and your mom didn't know where to find you or didn't know you could be in danger?

Good luck!

SamIAm

[scarbowl]

I agree with SamIAm. This is important - don't do it. And why would you when there are so many available 18 and under.

[FeliciaG]

I remember what it was like to be totally bored with guys my age because they were so horribly immature. So I can understand why you might be into older guys. The problem is that there's a huge difference between dating someone 16, 17, or 18 and someone in their 20's or 30's. That's when it's creepy, and also illegal as others here have mentioned. No guy with honorable intentions is going to be dating a 14 year old girl if he's 20 and up.

Please know that these guys are using you and that's not a good message to send to the universe. You deserve love, companionship and respect, and please hold out for those things. Don't cheapen yourself by letting yourself be used. You deserve so much more, honey!

Nothing wrong with checking out guys in the 15 - 18 range, though. They might think you're too young, but there's always a chance you might find someone cool.

Felicia

[Garnet Anne]

Alright I've been in this boat myself, still at 18 have some issues with it, guys at this age are (for the most part) amazingly immature. But no guy in his 20's-30's should be interested in a girl who is 14.

As someone who was/is considered "mature for her age" I know there are all those "But I'm not like other girls my age" things, point blank: It is illegal for a reason.

You will have plenty of time to date those guys when you're an adult, but remember no matter how grown up you think you are right now, the law says differently. And it says differently for a good reason: Your protection.

It isn't just a risk to the underage person to be getting together with these guys, its a risk to the guys as well. Now I know, guys who are interested in girls that young aren't really ones you want to be protecting but just because the minor is interested doesn't mean the older person is and if that is the case they may get in a lot of trouble for something they didn't even do.

You don't have to date anyone, if you don't like guys your age don't date them, but don't rush to grow up and date the older men too soon either.

Thats my advice.

[Beagle]

Originally Posted by Garnet Anne

Alright I've been in this boat myself, still at 18 have some issues with it, guys at this age are (for the most part) amazingly immature. But no guy in his 20's-30's should be interested in a girl who is 14.

As someone who was/is considered "mature for her age" I know there are all those "But I'm not like other girls my age" things, point blank: It is illegal for a reason.

You will have plenty of time to date those guys when you're an adult, but remember no matter how grown up you think you are right now, the law says differently. And it says differently for a good reason: Your protection.

It isn't just a risk to the underage person to be getting together with these guys, its a risk to the guys as well. Now I know, guys who are interested in girls that young aren't really ones you want to be protecting but just because the minor is interested doesn't mean the older person is and if that is the case they may get in a lot of trouble for something they didn't even do.

You don't have to date anyone, if you don't like guys your age don't date them, but don't rush to grow up and date the older men too soon either.

Thats my advice.

In addition to the safety and emotional considerations already listed, let me say that being involved with you could subject them to legal prosecution. Many states don't require actual intercourse for the older party to be charged with the local equivalent of statutory rape. At the least, it would be fairly easy for them to be charged with Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor if they have you out past curfew or do anything in violation of your parents wishes.

If your parents know you are seeing someone that much older, they could even be charged with failure to protect you. If you are sexually active with an adult, your parents could even be charged with abuse if they know about it and don't stop it. An aggressive district attorney could probably prosecute everyone involved. you really don't want this drug through the papers.

For now, you need to stick to someone near your own age. You need to check the laws of your state and see what the age of consent is. Most states specify an age difference that is required for consensual sexual activity to be statutory rape. (it wouldn't be statutory rape for an seventeen year old to have sexual relations with a 19 year old.) However, an aggressive prosecuting attorney could make the case for Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor up until you're 18, if you don't have your parents permission.

[FemaleOrgasm]

because you''re a minor ie it is illegal. Wait until you've reached the age of majority.

[Ryan S.]

Well, the one other gentleman to respond definitely gave us the legal side of dating much older men at 14 years old.

There are several moral sides to this issue as well from a male standpoint. As a 33 year old guy, there is NO way I could sleep with a 14 year old female. I say female because there is a gray area in some maturity levels between a girl and woman, possibly even at that young of an age. Still is not an excuse for A, you sleeping with many more mature/experienced men, or B, them wanting to sleep with you.

Do any of these men know that you're only 14? I'd be willing to bet that most of them don't. It can be easy to hide your actual age from them. I had an experience when I was 21 during spring break in Florida. Long story short, she turned out to be 15. Looked my age, definitely past the age of legal consent. Nothing happened because I actually asked to see her ID after she said her parents were in town with her. Most likely saved me prison time and the loss of my Service career in one the Army's Special Forces type units. Would definitely not have been worth the sexual joy that lasts only an hour on the average, sometimes a lot less.

Fact of the matter is, if a much older guy wants to sleep with you, you'll have no problems finding them. Most 30-40 year old men will fantasize about the hot 18 year old who lives next door, babysitter, whatever. Porn reflects this greatly if you are on any site or go into any store. It's not a hard thing to figure out. It's not an encouragement, but a warning.

Lying to them about your age puts any of those men at great risk and is entirely selfish. Even if you said, "Hey, wait a minute, I don't lie about it, they know I'm 14!" that should definitely set off an alarm for you.

That's when you do start getting into the anything but good to come out of it relationships. At that point, ANY man who knows your age will be taking advantage of you. Using you as replacement for a shortcoming of his own. Most likely he's pretty desperate and unhappy with life. Is willing to risk way too much in his life for a simple sex episode or two. Putting your own lifestyle at risk at a time when you have very little resources to be able to do anything you'd like to accomplish later on in your whole life ahead of you. Your own mother may not be able to help you out of the things that could happen. Give some thought to that.

Why? Because no matter how mature you think you are, you're still very young. You've had exactly less than 1/4 of the life experiences, both good and bad, that that the average 20,30 or 40 year old man has had. Marriage, divorces, kids, bad jobs, lousy girlfriends and all of the other crap that can mess with a person's head. Bide your time for that, trust me, it'll come around to you as you get older too.

Avoid falling into this trap. You feel you can't go to your mom, most of us here understand that. But as adults with a question being asked of us, all of us will say the same things. You're looking for more trouble than you really know that you could experience. You're only 14. Just only starting to take your own responsibility for your own actions. Make the right choices, do the right thing. Is it easy? No. But the feeling of accomplishment that you'll get will far outweigh the mess that could result from continuing doing what you're doing. It's only then that you can truly say, "Hey, I really am more mature than the average 14 year old."

[XxxxSpecial-KxxxX]

I agree with everyone on this. Go as far as 15-18.

[Lyn in AL]

I agree with everyone else on here. Not only is it illegal and dangerous, but do you realize what could happen? If you slept with any guy 19+ not only would it hurt you physically and mentally, but you could end up pregnant, how would you explain that to your mom?
I had a friend when I was 15 and she was 14, and she loved this one guy... but he was 19. In the end, they slept together, she got pregnant- even though he used protection and she was on birth control. But she was too young and her body wasn't ready to be a mom, and she had a miscarriage. I made her break up with the guy, and she did.
But she dated him again, and I got his name and number, and another friend knew his address. I told my friend if she didn't break up with him, I'd call the police and have him arrested myself.
In the end, I lost my friendship with her over it though I was just trying to watch out for her- she was like the sister I never had.
Anyways, I hope this helps give you insight on to what could happen if you date older men. ~Lyn