how do i deal with the guy I'm dating that's racist?

[Jamie in KC]

ok well I'm a 14 year old dateing a 17 year old guy that is raceist and i have alot of friends that are african american and of other races too so i was wondering how to deal with it because i don't want any conflict between them becuase i real like him alot but i don't wanna lose my friends just like i don't wanna lose him I just don't know what to do becuase my bf is so sweet and nice to me and then my friends on the other hand r sometimes nice most the time they beat up on me though I just don't wanna lose any of them I'm so confussed on what to do

[Alexstrandberg]

Have standards when it comes to dating men. Decide if you really want to date a raciest or not. For me, that would definitely be a deal breaker. I couldn't date someone with that much hate and ignorance.

Relationships like that don't last because you are fundamentally different from one another. It's not as though he likes oranges and you don't. You have African American friends and he hates them. His hatred will always be associated with you because those are your friends. You are associating with the "enemy" so to speak.

Right now you have three choices:

1. End the relationship now and find someone better

2. Drag the relationship out for several frustrating, argue filled months till you walk away worse off than you are now.

3. Get rid of your friends

None of these options are what you want to happen but the first will be the healthiest.

-Alex

[scarbowl]

Alex is right. You can either keep dating the racist and lose your friends or dump the guy and keep them. If he's a racist he's probably sexist as well and who knows what else. In any case, his narrow-mindedness won't be limited to race. And do you really want to be hearing that crap all the time?

[FeliciaG]

Yeah, I agree with the other posters. Why even give this guy your energy or time? He's a bad person. When you start making excuses for someone's bad behavior, you set yourself up to be abused. Or in this case you're sending the message that it's okay for him to have abusive attitudes towards others by enabling him.

Don't do it. You need to have standards. The guy is a jerk who is out of touch with reality. Do you really want to hang out with someone who's a dinosaur when the most powerful man in the world right now is going to be a wonderful half-black guy named Obama who holds tremendous promise for this country? Get with the times and lose the jerk!

Felicia