Should I Get Over Her? Please Help.

[marvin]

Hi guys, I hope you can help me with this. Sorry I can't narrate it a little shorter.

Anyway,

There's this girl that I like since we were kids and have been friends for almost 10 years now. Back then we had some sort of mutual understanding thing going on.. She had a crush on me, I had a crush on her. We were kids back then and weren't serious about it.

We haven't communicated for about 6 years because we were both busy with school and some things too long too explain. We each had relationships from that span of time and both didn't work out.

We caught up 2 years ago, and have been exchanging messages and hanging out frequently. I started to fall again for her, and all these feelings before came rushing back to me. She enjoys my company and has definitely showed signs that she too is interested in me. But then again, I don't want to be all assuming. So I had these doubts, these questions in my mind that if I decided to court her, will I be successful?

So I started asking her out for dates. She says yes and backs out at the 11th hour. I've like asked her more than 5 times on 5 different occasions. She accepts the invitations yet gives reasons she can't attend hours before we meet. It's very frustrating on my part... Practically, I was never in a position to make a move "formally".

So I decided to finally send her a stuffed bear and a card stating that I've been thinking about her a lot lately and how hard it is to ask her for a date. I also want to do this because at that time, her board exam review (6 months review) is days ahead and she may not have anymore time to give me an answer.

She sent me a message 3 days after and this was her reply "I hope you won't get mad at me and this doesn't come easy to me. Its just that I can't afford any distractions right now and I have so many things to think about. And I never meant to impose. I thought you just wanted someone to hangout with, nothing serious. I didn't mean to mislead you or anything. Was just trying to be a friend. I'm really sorry. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't hangout anymore ok?"

I told her I understand perfectly and she was very appreciative of what I've given her and for understanding. After that, I lost the urge to communicate with her anymore. I'm both disappointed and confused.

We haven't been communicating that much ever since. She's the one who initiates a chat or text good mornings and stuff like that.

What should I do? Should I get over her?

[Beagle]

Why not take what she's saying at face value? She doesn't want emotional ties right now. We both know that that usually means "I don't want emotional ties with you." At any rate, she said "No" and you need to respect that and move on. Paradoxically, when she sees you moving on that may make you more attractive.

Be alert to the "I don't want him but I can't stand for anyone else to have him" trap. We've all been in that relationship; and if you haven't you will be at some point.

FYI, in college there was a girl I tried every way to get somewhere with, with no luck. A couple of years later, she saw me out with another girl and came up and shook my hand and pressed her number into my hand. I'm not saying that's what's happening here, that's just a potential pitfall of the "friend zone."

[marvin]

@Beagle - You're right. I should. Dwelling more on this doesn't help. Thanks a lot for the advice.

By the way, she continues to text and send me messages. I rarely reply. I don't want to show signs that lets her think that I'm still into her. Am I doing it wrong? What should I expect? Currently, I'm enjoying being single, hanging out with girls. Thinking about her only holds me back, so I try not to.

[Beagle]

I think the key here is to fill your life with positive people and activities and not obsess about her. After her life finishes, she may or may not look your way. However, you have nothing to lose because.

1. If she doesn't look your way, you'll have a great life full of interesting people.

2. if she does look your way, you'll be a "better catch" because your life is full of exciting things.

[FemaleOrgasm]

Don't pretend to be just a friend when you want more. You will miss out girls who really want to be with you.

[girlwonder]

Originally Posted by marvin

We haven't been communicating that much ever since. She's the one who initiates a chat or text good mornings and stuff like that.

I would not try to be anything but a friend at this point to her, date other woman, enjoy yourself and know she is aware of how you feel now and if she feels the same way she will tell you. She may just need time to think about it and really be busy or may even be in a realtionship right now. The fact she does make any contact with you still says to me she doesn't want to loose you just yet but only she can tell you if that is as a BF or BFF.

[marvin]

Thank you guys for the advice. I really appreciate it.

The fact she does make any contact with you still says to me she doesn't want to loose you just yet but only she can tell you if that is as a BF or BFF.

True. If only we guys can read girls' minds. That way it'll be easier. >.<

[Beagle]

If we could read their minds, I doubt we could handle it