My situation so far...where do I go from here?

[ATrueCarer]

Preface.

I apologise in advance for the wall of text that follows - there's no other way to express everything. I'll keep it focused and succinct.

OK, where to begin. Well the easy part is to state the obvious, that is there is this girl - "X" - who within the past couple of months I've realised I really like. I'm 18 and X would be my first girlfriend. X and I were in the same math class at school but I only talked to her occaisonaly over the years we were there. We both went to a friends birthday party and as we left I asked, and got, her number. I texted her the next day saying it was a bit soon but wanted to know if she wanted to go for a drink/to the pictures that day. She said she was busy and said she'd raincheck I then asked her if she was free sometime that week and to cut it short we had lunch together later that week (she suggested it).

At the end of the lunch I asked her if she had any plans this weekend. She said she did - I foolishly said bye to her shortly after, we hugged, and walked away. About a few weeks passed and I phoned her up asking her if she wanted to go to the pictures. She said she was busy all week, and when asked if she was free next week she said that she couldn't plan her babysitting because of her parents work. She left me with the usual I'll speak to you later.

We haven't seen or spoken to each other in about 2 weeks now. I kind of just take this as normal as none of my other friends really text or phone me. Not to send the wrong idea: they do like hanging out with me, it just feels like I have to ask them all the time if they want to do something. Thats a different problem though.

I do suffer a bit from low confidence in bars/clubs because I've never been to one by myself looking for girls. The ironic thing is that I feel like I have no problem talking in front of a group of guys/women when giving a presentation or something. I also think I would be a bit more confident if I went to the bar/club with someone so I didn't look the sad loner desperately trying to score.

X is pretty much the only girl friend I know (the only other girl I know - "Y" - doesn't talk to me since I made the mistake of asking her how she and her and boyfriend were doing). She saw that I liked her. She might still like me but I doubt it. I heard from a friend that Y and Ybf haven't spoken/or been together for a bit. I trust that observation but they both sat in the same row during a lecture - not next to each other - but it certainly didn't look like they were breaking up anytime soon. She sometimes looks at me with a kind of distant, almost sad look, like she wants me to ask her if she is ok. I'm not making the same mistake twice, so will wait until she talks to me.

I know that X must look like a rebound from Y and I do sometimes wonder if she is. I think ultimately I just really want to be with someone now that I like who likes me and since I have the aforementioned lack of confidence in certain social scenes, X is the person I want to be with because its somehow easier. There are feelings there though.

I always tend to think long term with these kind of things, and know that I probably won't see her ever again in 4-6 years if and when I have to move for a graduate job. So I know I will have to tell her eventually, just for some closure, but don't want to lose her (for how little we actually see each other). I've read a book that has made me realise that I am wanting a girlfriend so badly because I thought I needed one, that I was measuring my life by the number of times I went out with friends and how often I had gotten close with a girl. In short I was being too needy instead of being happy with myself and my family.

I have as such now realised this and have altered my mind set. I can now be content not having a laugh with friends or having someone to hold every weekend. But that's not the same as saying I never want to be with friends or someone special. I guess its saying I want it but don't need it. It does look a bit hypocritical to say I want and don't want a girlfriend at the same time. Truthfully I do.

So to summarise:

* I like this girl, but don't completely know if she will ever like me.

* I'm unsure whether to contact her to find out how she feels or just move on and try and find someone else.

* I know I should go to bars/clubs etc to find girls I don't know, but I find it easier somehow to try and ask out school friends I haven't seen in years.


I apologise again for the wall of text, but thank you if you read to the end.

[FemaleOrgasm]

Leadership/status is the most attractive (super) trait to women. It has many components. Here's some to start you off:

Body language: Stand tall (but have relaxed shoulders) , take up space and don't break eye contact until the other person does. Don't fidget or let your eyes dart around.

Voice: Speak with a loud resonating voice and just a little bit slower than normal. Use more pauses. Hum all the time to develop resonance. Avoid the high-pitched, fast , whiney, approval-seeking "nice-guy" voice.

Words: Your sentence structure is short and simple. You use simple words because you're more interested in getting your message in the other person's head quickly rather than trying to sound intelligent. The ironic thing is that explaining things simply makes you sound intelligent. But, don't be so “logical” and “technically correct” when talking to women because this bores them. Instead be “cocky and funny”. See below for details.

Personality:

Resilience: You don't experience many negative emotions. It takes a lot for you to feel stress. You have a rapid rebound time. You don't complain or criticize. Even if you feel stress, you APPEAR cool, calm and collected.

Extraversion: You are relaxed and feel a lot of positive emotions. You are optimistic. You walk towards other people and start conversations. You have high self-esteem (you like yourself). You make other people feel good about themselves.

Explorer: You continually learn new things. Your life is filled with many interests and hobbies (this makes you interesting and mysterious). You like to visualize your goals. You love art and music.

Focused: You move towards your goals (rather than moving away from problems), You focus on one thing at a time until you've finished. You don't multi-task (because this causes stress, is unproductive and lowers your IQ more than smoking pot), You focus your attention for 2 hours at a time then you take a break for 20 minutes where you are completely unplugged. You continually improve yourself and your products. You eliminate distractions like cell phones, email, TV etc when you focus on your projects. When you focus, you are completely relaxed and in the zone.

Challenger: You don't let other people dominate you. You punish all bad behavior (build an arsenal of constructive criticism, witty insults, legal skills and martial arts skills). You say NO calmly (ie NOT arrogantly) to people or things that don't meet your high standards. You can become a vicious mad dog if someone crosses the line. Stop apologising for being you. Unless you break the law or act like a jerk, you've got nothing to be sorry for. Give yourself permission because no one ever will. Say to yourself “I give myself permission to do that thing and I deserve to have it.” You are OK with the reality that no one really cares about you, well at least not the way you care about yourself. You are OK with the reality that most people are focused on their own problems and they don't want to hear you complain. Most people couldn't care less if you were successful or not so stop seeking their approval. You are cocky AND funny. You say and do things that are part cocky AND part funny. Don't do too much cocky because you'll come off as an arrogant jerk. Don't use too much funny because you'll come off as goofy. “C & F” could also be described as ball-busting or playfully teasing. This is a counter-intutitve way of communicating with women that makes them extremely attracted to you. You can tell you're doing it right when she's laughing, pretending to be mad with you and playfully hitting you. Always end the interaction with women a little to soon and on a positive note.This will make them what you even more and they'll be thinking about you all the time.

When you have become a leader, ask her out again (if she meets your standards in a year).

[ATrueCarer]

Thanks for the taking the time to read over this.

I have to agree with most of your statements about my personality. I know you are saying that I should ask her out in a year, but should I try and see other people during that time frame?

I'm unsure as to what you mean by "meeting my standards". I'm pretty sure I'm still going to find "X" as attractive, caring and amazing in one years time as much as I do now. I guess I'm just worried she'll find someone else soon.

[FemaleOrgasm]

Your are the selector, not the selectee. That doesn't mean you're arrogant. When you have more value to offer, your standards will naturally raise. You'll start thinking "Why should I spend time with you when I have so many options?" It's like having lots of money. If you earn $50,000 per year, you'll think a $500,000 home is amazing. If you earn $500,000 a year, that same $500,000 is still nice but it isn't amazing to you anymore. The $5,000,000 home is.

When you develop your leadership traits, so many women will find YOU amazing because your personality is so much "richer". And then X will still be nice but she may not be amazing anymore. She may not meet your standards.

Right now, you're not attractive to X so you will have to change your personality, behaviour and commnication. That will take about a year.

If X is as amazing as you think she is, then she probably will meet someone else. You'll just have to deal with that.

Another thing, really develop the "Challenger" trait and "cocky and funny". Those are the traits that really create attraction in women.

[ATrueCarer]

After thinking about what you've said and having a lengthy and emotional talk to myself (weird I know, but it works for me) I'm slowly realising that the dating circle is much larger than "X" and pretty much any girl I've ever known.

Like I've said before the reason that I was trying to go out with people I know/knew is because of that very thing: there was some kind of relationship (albeit tenuous in most cases).

It allowed me to push away the thought of having to go to bars/clubs etc - as they aren't the places I would usually go to on my own or with friends - and focus on them because they didn't completely not know me.

I'm looking to turn this around this year, and with a bit of luck or Karma will eventually find someone soon.

I'll take your advice and start building my confidence & "C+F" traits as you put it (I assume by cocky you mean using the occaisonal sexual innuendo and letting the conversation be slightly flirty).