Just "seeing" each other... how can I make him commit?

Hello-

I just have a few questions. The first thing I want to ask is about an age difference. I'm seeing this guy who is about to turn 30 and I'm only 21. we seem to really have a connection but I'm afraid that maybe that age gap is one that will be hard to fill.

That question leads into my other one becasue we have been just "Seeing" each other for 2 1/2 mounts. We have not really had the talk about us being in a real relationship and what I have received for a answers when I asked him is that we are only just seeing each other. He seems really into me, we see each other a few nights a week and also we spend all weekend together. I'm at a loss what to do because I do care about him but I'm starting to get this feeling that he does not really want to commit to me. What should I do?

Thanks for all your help. - Lindsey

[lisaq]

Age gap relationships in themselves aren't necessarily an issue. After all, age really is nothing but a number. The issue is how the two people involved interact and relate to each other.

In your case, his reactions to your attempts to talk to him about it are what throws up red flags for me. He seems really into you how? Sexually? Intellectually? Emotionally? When you see him, do you go out, have great conversations, or just hang out and have sex? My first reaction based on the limited information you've given is that he may not want anything beyond what's happening now. And, if you are getting the same feeling, you are going to have to do your best to get him to really talk to you. You can't MAKE him commit. Period.

So what it really comes down to is deciding if you are content with the way things are. If you are, then just hang in and enjoy the ride. If not, you may have to accept the fact that you are ready for more than he is, And, if that's the case and you can't deal with that, you may have to walk away.

[Lisa Brookes Kift]

Hi Lindsey,

Age is an interesting thing because you really never know what you're going to get. I've known plenty of 35 year olds who act 25 - and 25 year olds who act 35. A 9 year gap isn't huge anyway - you might run into more of a problem if he was 15 or 20 years older because of other issues such as having children, interests and other realities of being involved with someone so much older! So that's the age question.

Regarding your other concerns - 2 1/2 months isn't that long to be dating a person. But it's certainly long enough to start to develop strong feelings! Listen to your instincts if they're warning you of anything. I always tell my clients to learn to trust their guts. If he is behaving in ways that doesn't seem too "commitment-oriented" he probably isn't looking for a commitment. If you think your feelings for each other might be at different levels - be careful. Sit him down and just ask him - "Do you see this going anywhere or is this kind of a "fun for now" thing. You have a right to ask, regardless of whether you're 9 years younger than him!

Good luck!

[Lance]

If you've been dating 2.5 months and you spend several days per week together, including the entire weekend, I don't see why he wouldn't commit to a LTR. So there's a flag there for sure, especially if you've talked about it. Have you had sex? How close would you describe the two of you? Maybe he's thinking about dating other people or even breaking off the relationship.

I will tell you, I dated one girl where there was a 8 year gap, and our ages were nearly the same as in your situation. I used the line that we were dating all the time because I had deep reservations about making this girl my gf. Why? All the practical challenges, like friends getting along, family approval, emotional connection, etc. I even sort of talked bad about her behind her back in the beginning because of the age thing...yeah, classy, I know. We eventually got into an LTR and it lasted for 1.5 years. This doesn't have to be you of course, but there are challenges.

On the flipside, you're young. Have fun and enjoy the experience of dating an older guy. Could be one of the best experience of your 20's.

[sexisgood4u]

Tell him you want a commitment or no more pussy. If he tells you to hit the road, then you've saved some time. You're 21 and have a lot of time. He's 30 and his days of 21 year old pussy are numbered. So go into the bedroom with your chastity belt and see if he really cares.