Is it a Date?

[Margo in Chicago]

We have hung out several times now each for more than four hours. Whether it be listening to live music, cooking together etc. But he has not made a move. He also pays when we go out.

How do I know if it's platonic or more than that?

I think he's a bit shy and hasn't had too many girlfriends.

[modernsavage]

This is your classic nice guy. Chances are 99% probable that he wants it to be more than platonic. Problem is he doesn't know how to escalate sexually or is too scared of being rejected if he does make a move. It's unfortunate because he doesn't realize that his hesitation is only increasing his chances of being stuck in the friend zone, an all too common result of this type of behavior.

You can do two things to help move things forward:

• Guys are terrible at picking up signals, so in order to reassure him that he has a green light, you need to make your signals much more clear and obvious. Hopefully, he'll realize that it is safe to go forward and will make a move.
  
• Or you could make it real easy for him and just make the first move yourself.

[Ian Romaine]

Hi Margo,

I'm with modernsavage on this one -- the guy sounds like he wants things to be more than platonic but he's having difficulties articulating that. He's probably a bag of nerves and desperate to impress and as a result he's putting himself under even more pressure not to come across 'uncool'.

I presume -- although I'm not 100 per cent sure -- that you'd like things to go further..? If that's the case, you may just have to take things into your own hands. Trying to have a 'deep and meaningful' with him at this stage will probably just make him clam up even more if he's that anxious. Have you tried giving him a quick peck on the cheek at the end of the night? Or holding hands? All very softly, softly stuff but it will lead him in the right direction if he's desperately searching for some vibes off yourself as to how things might progress.

Good luck!

[Dan And Jennifer]

If you plant a kiss on him, you're really putting yourself out there. If he's not interested, you run the risk of direct rejection, which can be painful and hard to recover from - it sounds like you guys have a great relationship and I would hate to see it ruined over a single action.

Find other, more subtle ways to initiate contact.

• When you're listening to music, touch him casually on the arm, or even better on the leg.
• When you're walking or standing, 'accidentally' brush up against him.
• Prolong your eye contact with him - hold his gaze for an extra second or two.

If he's not interested, he may not respond to your actions, but you have not put your self in a position to be absolutely rejected. Make sense...

You can just go back to the way it was before if he doesn't respond.

[K. in Cleveland]

OK, here's my point of view.

If this guy is just shy and does like you, yes, you putting the first move out there may be helpful. It might be the answer he was hoping for, so he doesn't have to muster up the courage to do it himself.
If he rejects it, it can still mean he's interested but maybe he's scared now. Or it could be that he's just not interested in that kind of relationship.

The "accidental" brush.. ohh, personally I love this one. It kind of makes the mind go wild, "did she mean to touch me there? Was what an accident? Does she want me to___? (fill in the blank)" and if he is interested it might be enough to get him aroused... which is nice because then you can really see if he's interested or not.

Now, I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you're in your teens... This may be something that would work better for adults, I'm not sure, but you can also try to be direct. Tell him you like him and that you would like to go out with him. Ask him if he feels the same way. This may again ease his anxiety by not having to be the one to bring it up.

Just my thoughts...