I'm a guy, and never actually dated or flirted with a guy - help me please

[jbaileync1]

ok heres the deal im 25 years old im gay ive had sexual partners and i know for a fact im gay. i just got out of a 3 year relationship it was my first ever relationship and he was the pursuer and i was young and lookinf for a way out of my small town world and in came my night in shining armour and i got the hell out. well its now over and i realize it was a relationship of lust not love and as weird as this sounds its been my one and only relationship. and i want to DATE not get married lol and i have no clue how to go about this. im in a very small town in the bible belt (NELL starring jodie foster) if that tells you anything so the gay men are limited and few and i dont knwo where to go to meet other men now that im back in this small town help me please i want to know what its like to date someone and enjoy thier company. i dont even really know any pickup lines or anything so any and all advice is appreciated i know i sound pathetic but i cant help it i appreciate your help

[coachgreg]

Dear Bible Belter,

Thanks for your honesty. It's challenging meeting quality guys in this kind of environment - but they are there. BUT if you don't want to weed through all the gunk try this:

1st: Stay away from pick up lines. Be yourself. Sounds cliche but it holds a LOT of value! If you are the shy type, work on being more out going and starting meaningful conversations with guys you find attractive.

Second, I suggest you start working on that mindset that there limited to few available men. Yes, it may be true, especially if you are in a small town. Once you start to strip away that idea that they are too far and in between, you will then see the gold - that gold may lay in another town or even state.

Start exploring places outside of your neighborhood. This is a tip I posted on Facebook on this very subject and has gotten some pretty awesome feedback:

"Be open to meeting guys past your own back yard. Often times we limit our search to our own community, town, and even state. Stay open, be curious, take your time and see where you land!"

Most importantly, take your time. There is no rush and be crystal clear about what kind of boyfriend you want in your life. Are you looking for long-term meaningful relationship or are you looking for a friend with benefits for now?

If you want a meaningful realtionship and meet quality men do what it takes to get yourself there. If you have any questions feel free to respond here and I happy to help with more tips and advice on how to meet men.

Your friend,

Greg Halpen

[LittleLoveCoach]

Hey,
You are on the right track, and I'm glad you got out of the house. Congrats on being honest about your real feelings, and really thanks for not going back in the closet. Dishonesty is a lonely, lonely business. The truth is that 1000s of gays leave the small towns, because they want to be in big cities with larger gay populations. If moving to a big town isn't possible, you have 3options:

Strategy #1: Be funny, honest, and get on the town

It depends on how small the town is. My old roommate had no schools in his town (too small), and didn't know what a garbage disposal was. If its that small, then I assume that one of the neighboring towns is larger, and that everyone goes over there to meet people. Regardless of how small, you need to find a local gay community nearby, and get SOCIAL! If you aren't meeting anyone, you certainly aren't gonna find true love. So get out there. Get on the town, and find some local joints.

As for pick-up lines, think of something funny and try it out. Did you know that humor is tougher than sadness for actors? Ya know, all socializing can be tough. You learn through failures. So get out there, and fail miserably for a few dozen times. After about the 50th time of failing to pick-up a guy, you'll start to have a "who cares" attitude. And that's when you will start succeeding, because you'll be enjoying the process!

Strategy #2: Get online

The internet is an amazing place for finding neighbors that share similar interests. One of the best sites for this (and the place where I found my own husband) is Gay.com. You can select the closest town, or even look for your county. Find a chat room with at least a few dozen people. Get in there every day, and start saying hi. Find a few friends in there, and meet them out.

After a while, you won't have to look for the gay folks, because you guys will *be* the gay folks! Don't be afraid to ask the room if anyone lives nearby. Meet at a Starbucks (or meet at the Walmart... if you're not a big enough town to have Starbucks yet, lol!) And get to know each other. You already have a lot in common from where you live. The rest will come naturally.

Strategy #3: Find some long distance love

Finally, you can look for love outside of your home town. Long distance relationships are tough, but they work for some people. They can also work really well when you are just getting to know someone, and before anything gets too serious. Just establish some clear ground rules, and you'll be fine together.

How do you find a long-distance relationship? Well its never on purpose (is love ever found that way?) But the first place is, again, the internet. Or making monthly trips to the biggest city nearby. The trick to finding love is an inner confidence and peace of mind, knowing that you love your single life. Knowing that you are happy being single is the FIRST and most IMPORTANT step towards finding the one.

You will find another relationship, and it will be much more amazing than the first. Congrats on the search for love!!

Big Hugs!!
Coach Mark