am I too old for her ?

[Aaron]

Hi, I am working with this girl in a company, we are coworkers, she is single now and she has a 1 year old baby, I am deeply in love with her and I can not stop thinking about her, my problem is I don't know if she likes me or not. she is 20 and I am 25 am I too old for her ?

sometimes she shows some interest and talks to me with excitement, and sometimes she totally ignores me, I am a shy guy and I have a hard time speaking to her so I send her this email and still did not get any reply ( it's been just 1 day ) , and I told her to check her email because I am gonna send you something.

please read this text and tell me if I did a wrong thing ? and what should I do ?

email text :
-----
Dear ......,

I am a very shy guy ! and I didn't get any chance to talk to you alone.
I am looking for a long-term relationship and I like you, you are the most innocent
girl that I know ( also very cute ) , you can not be mean to anybody, thats what I like about you the most.
If I am lucky enough, you will make me the most happiest person in the whole universe
since the last three months I couldn't stop thinking about you even for a moment ( you know what does it mean ).

all I ask is to if you have the same feeling about me or not please let me know, reply
this e-mail and if your answer is positive, give me your number so we can arrange a date and meet to know each other better even if you think we are not a good match please let me know.

I am sending you this message because I think you are single like me and you have
no boyfriend, if you do please excuse me and be sure I am really sorry for bothering you !

anyway please don't make me wait so long and reply.
-----


thank you.

[Tara in kitchener]

Well, I think it probably would have been better to write her a short note asking her out for a drink afterwork sometime, or maybe dinner. I think you may have scared her off with all the talk of long term and your deep feelings for her. It may not be too late but from what you said and how your email went I think maybe she may be a little freaked out by your approach. You may be able to fix it by waiting a few weeks and then sending her a quick note saying something like, "I am sorry if I came on a little too strong in my email. I'd like to have a drink after work with you sometime, no pressure. " Good luck and if it doesn't work out, nest time you might not want to come on so strongly.

[Tara in kitchener]

oh and to answer the main question, I don't think a 5 year age difference is too much, especially if she already has a child.

[Aaron]

Tara, you helped a lot thank you...

yeah I guess I have been acting naive, I'll wait for a few weeks.
I hope it will work, I shouldn't pour out all my feelings at once, I don't wanna loose her.

[GeekyJenn]

5 years is good! I was worried you were going ot say like 15 years or something. But really age difference is all you are comfortable with. I would be kind of careful with anyone under 20... mostly for legal reasons....

5 years is a pretty good age difference. my parents are about 6 years. me and my guy are only 11 months though. Just seems where you are comfy with!

You probably would have been okay if you hadn't started appologizing. Tara said something good: just ask her out. like would you like to meet for drinks after work? or have lunch together... stuff like that .

[michael barnes]

simple go up to her and say, are you single? if she says yes say want to go on a date :P if she says yes then make a time place and be happy relax and cool, it will be fine, meet her half way or go and pick her up if you drive have a good time and the day talk about it, let her make the move if she wants and likes you she will ask you out.

[jojo]

no your not to old. i think + - 7 years is ok unless its a 19 year old and a 12 year old. thats creepy. Im not big into notes sorry but talking would mean more to me. Im a shy guy to but to me it seems like notes and letters are not the right way to go. If you say it to her face she has to give you an answer. good luck.

[sexstudent]

You're definitely not too old for her. Though, I might be a little biased, since my boyfriend is 18 years older than I am :-p But... I think your e-mail will definitely scare her off, probably permanently. I have received some e-mails or speeches like that in the past and it always comes across as creepy. I'm sure your intentions are good, but so much talk of how perfect she is and long term relationship stuff is really overwhelming for anyone. Good luck!

[BrassPlayer4Life]

5 years is not that much older when you really think about it. I've heard about people that are 25 and going out with 40 year olds. That's creepy. I think a 1-7or8 range is pretty good in terms of age difference. As for your message you sent her, you might have poored all of your feelings out a little to quickly. Who knows though? Some women like a guy who is honest to them, just give her a little bit of time. Maybe send her another message telling her to take her time with deciding and such. Best of luck to you two!

[Dan And Jennifer]

Originally Posted by BrassPlayer4Life

5 years is not that much older when you really think about it. I've heard about people that are 25 and going out with 40 year olds. That's creepy.

It's all so relative. The older man / younger woman phenomenon has been going on for, well, a long time. and of course we're now seeing the "cougar" phenomenon (and I mean this in the nicest possible way), where older woman are starting to date younger men. It's just an evolutionary stage in our society, but definitely interesting.

What it really comes down to is compatibility between the two of you - we're all different and unique, some more matuare, some less, some with more or less life experience, etc. It just has to be a "fit", it's hard to put down hard and fast rules on it.

Here's a video with some of our thoughts on it...

Does Age Really Matter When Dating?

Dan