Dating an older guy

[dvrman123]

Hi im Daniel and im 18 years old and im in college.
About 3 weeks ago i met this guy online hes 40 and im 18 huge age diffrence but hes a great guy, age makes no diffrence to me. Well we have been talking non stop we talking in the morning when we both wake up in the afternoon when im back from my classes and hes back from work and before we go to bed. While we are talking we always use a web cam so we always see each other while talking. He lives in New York City and i Live In California. He told me he works in financing and he makes a trip to LA every month or so which is great because i live about 1 hour from LA and the trip is nothing. We were suppose to meet this monday but we didnt because he called me and apologized because his boss wanted to meet with him for dinner that night to see how things were going because he was busy with other meetings the rest of the week which he had already told me that monday was his only free night. So you know i was sad but i understood work is work and you cant do anything about that.

Do you think its odd that im with an older man? I know David the guy i met online feels a little weird that hes going to meet such a young guy but the way we have been talking i dont think he minds to much. Is it weird that i dont feel awkward trying to get into a relationship with an older guy? Im feeling a little confused ive been with one guy before in highschool but it was very discreet because noone knows im gay it lasted about 3 months. But when im talking to David(the guy i met online) i feel comfortable like i can be myself and i dont have to hide anything. I have opened up to him more in 3 weeks than i have to other people in 2 years.

[Beagle]

Are you sure he's not married?

[dvrman123]

Yes im sure hes not married im 100% sure due to some reasons i wont say because i want to keep the thread clean

but i sure wasnt expecting that response

[Beagle]

dvrman123: That just popped into my mind. That's the classic profile for someone who's married; works in two towns, only available certain nights, sudden changes of plans. That actually happens more than you might realize. If you like him and you're willing to tolerate the problems inherent in a long-distance relationship, then what's the problem? Obviously there are issues in seeing someone who is much older or much younger. I don't see a problem if you're willing to go into it with you eyes open, knowing up front the issues involved in drastic age differences. I'm not sure these issues are different if you're two guys or two girls, or a mixed couple. Maybe I"m missing your question.

[dvrman123]

Im just really confused ive never been with a guy who was this much older than me and ive never been in a long distance relationship so both things are you to me all i know is that i like him and that i have feelings for him im not sure if i should continue seeing but i am ready to deal with issues of long distance relationships and i understand that its going to be diffrent going out with someone who is older than me. Though i have always seen myself to be more mature than people around my age group. even in college i talk to people who are 10 20 30 years older than me and not people around my age i just dont feel compatable with people around my age group.

[Beagle]

I'm in my 40's also, so maybe I can give you some ideas on things to be aware of. Generally, by this stage in life we know what we want; which is a good thing. Often, in the 40's people have a drop in energy and especially sexual desire, so that may be an issue. If he has teenage kids, obviously that will be a consideration. I gather he's financially stable, so that doesn't appear to be a problem.

One issue that comes up when middle-aged people date much younger people is that we often have different tastes. We don't go places and just "hang." A lot of things that younger people enjoy, we've "been there done that, got the t-shirt." For example, if I stay out very late it's harder for me to recover.

The advantages are that people of our age are normally financially and professionally stable. Chances are his energy level are going to be lower, however. The long-distance relationship will also be a problem unless the two of you are considering taking the relationship further and having a common residence.

One thing to consider, is you don't really know what he does when he's in New York. There may be another boyfriend, or whatever. Obviously, I don't know. It's just always a possibility when someone is doing long-distance commuting. In the final analysis, you're both adults and able to decide for yourselves if this is what you want.

[dvrman123]

Thank you Beagle you were a big help He doesnt have any kids and he used to be a proffesional Modern Dancer when he was younger and he still does it today but in a much smaller group than before. As for sexual desire god hes way hornier than I am lol which makes me laugh because the younger you are the higher sexual desire you suppose to have lol dont get me wrong i do have sexual desire I just think he has it more than me lol. I understand he wont want to just go to places and hang out which doesnt matter hes really out going and he loves to travel which I love to do aswell though he has done it a lot more obviously.

Like you said obviously there will be problems but if we really like each other do you think its possible for it to work out?

[Beagle]

DVRMAN123: Sure it's possible for it to work out. I know many successful relationships between people with significant age differences. You just have to have realistic expectations. Relationships are difficult when people are at different stages of their lives. One of the most common complaints I hear when there are age differences is that the people have different interests because of their ages.

One thing you want to make sure of is that you aren't unconsciously looking for a father figure. Those relationships don't work because the younger person eventually outgrows the need for the parent figure. I've seen several relationships go bust that way. It's very common when guys marry much older women.

[love4musicuk]

I met my boyfriend online, or i should say he found me, lol..Anyway, he's 39 and i'm 23 but he's exactly like me. He's not 39 in his head, he's as young as me. We get on great, clicked with each other the first time we started talking. 7+ months down the line and we're in love.I don't think it's weird you dating an older guy (many people do it these days) As long as you're of legal age, and especially if you love the person, what does it matter? Age is just a number.

When i first met my boyfriend i were unsure about the age because i were worried what people would think, but as long as you're ok with it, it shouldn't matter what others think.