I'm gay, how do I tell my parents? - plezzz read this i need ur advice

[james18191819]

im going on 18 an i feel I'm gay how do i tell my parents ps am i ready pleezz help

[Exavion]

There is not much to it. In fact, the odds are that they won't really care. Unless they are quite the religious folk.

Even so, it doesn't matter. If you're nearly an adult, there isn't much they can do. Maybe they will be mad, which to me makes no sense, but don't let it bother you. If they actually care about your sexuality, they are not worthy of your time.

[Dan And Jennifer]

If you feel that your parents are open to it, just tell them...

If you feel that they will reject the idea, then you may want to think about it a little more and be certain before you tell them. I noticed that you said you 'think' your gay...

If you are, you are, and neither you nor your parents can change that. They will eventually accept it - keep in mind that it may take a while, maybe even years. But even that is better than living a lie from my perspective. Which BTW is that of a straight woman, so if there is anyone else here with experience in this, we'd love to hear form you.

Also, keep checking back. We just filmed a great segment with our good friend Paul on this topic (he's Paul - Personal Changes) here in the forums - it's with the editor and will be posted within the next month or so...

[jeanintro*quitex]

Oooh! Yes, something I can relate to!

James, coming out process is something really difficult for us, as well as it is going to be for your parents. There are many things that may happen, and well, you can judge them from your backround.

Now, let me ask you a question. Do you feel comfortable with your sexuality? Do you feel like you love yourself and you accept yourself? If the answer is yes, well you already overcame the worst part of all (Believe me, I *KNOW* about that. it is haaaaard!)

Then, when you come out to yourparents, try not to do it in a hard way, or out of nowhere. Odds are that your parents and close family (like siblings) may already have an idea.

There will be some stages that they will go through: the Stages of Grief. This are five and may last a couple of hours, days, or even years. That's why before coming out to your parents you should be comfortable with yourself. first, they will feel rejection, which is normal.

First Stage: Denial
This first stage happens immediately. People can express themselves as "shocked." "I had no idea..." "This can't be."
Second Stage: Anger
The second stage is a downer for those coming out. Once the trauma of coming out is over, and you think the coast is clear, the parent/wife enters the anger stage. How much anger, when they enter, and when they get over this stage is dependent of many factors.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Bargaining is usually a welcomed respite from the Anger Stage. But, it can be equally annoying.
Stage Four: Depression
This stage occurs when the preceding stages did not alleviate the grief, and the loss is not yet accepted. It is the brain's last-ditch attempt at not accepting the truth.
Stage Five: Acceptance
At long last, we reach the final stage of acceptance. If achieved, depression lifts and anger subsides. This doesn't mean that we forget the sadness and anger, it means we don't feel it anymore.

I invite you to look at the options you have and consider if you're emotionally prepared for it. If you choose to tell your parents, you need to remember that they love you and that they will accept you the way you are. they might just need time.

If D&J allows me to (hehe), I might recoomend visiting this forum:
Empty Closets - Powered by vBulletin
This is a forum for the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, bisexual and Transgendered) community, mostly for teenagers. You can find lots of infirmation, help, advice, and a lot of more stuff about this specific topic there. (my username is Quitex if you want to contact me there)

I hope everything goes well, and if you ever need more advice, we're here for help.
-Jean
PS. Thanks Dan for redirecting my nose to this thread

[ElizabethAnne]

Hi James,
I don't know if you have told your parents yet. I'm in the same situation as you. I'm dating this really amazing girl and I haven't told either of my parents or my aunt and uncle who I live with, so I totally sympathize, but also, I can't really say what the best thing to do would be. I think the parents are the most difficult ones to tell. But for the other people in my life, it definitely was not a big deal, and everyone was happy and supportive.

My one piece of advice from telling the other people in my life is that if you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't make a big deal out of it (in general...). When talking to one of my friends, when there was a lull in the conversation, I laughed and said, "So, I'm thinking about becoming a lesbian", in the same sort of way that you would say, "So, I'm thinking of signing up for a sign language course". Then she laughed too, and said, "Really?" and we were able to talk about it. Or to another friend, "I've got some exciting news for you. I'm seeing someone!", which gave her an opportunity to be happy and excited for me, and then I told her the girl's name. I dunno, I think I've had really good luck with friends being accepting of the fact that I'm dating a girl. People say things like, "If they truly love you, they will accept you" and to be quite honest, I always thought it was cliche, but so far all the people that I care about who I've told have been so great about it. Hope that you find the same thing with your parents! Good luck! I'd love to hear if you've talked to them or not!

Best,
ElizabethAnne.

PS Here's a really great article on coming out to your parents. It is very thoughtful and detailed and is written by a parent about his experiences when his son came out to him. Hopefully it helps!
OutProud - Coming Out to Your Parents

[Jenna in colorado]

hey there. i am bisexual and 16 i told my mother about it she said are you sure you wont grow out of it? parents may try to coax u into not being who you are. but thats the problem its how you feel towards men and women. like me i dont really prefer one or the other i get along with both in great terms. dont be scared just go easy on them try not to make it a big shocking ordeal. and what ever you do dont do it in a public place to many of my gay guy friends have done that and it took a turn for the worst. i know i may be to young to be here and to be telling you this but i hope i can help you.good luck james and stay cool. hey should understand.

[yesvirginia]

I am 15 and also gay. When I finally came out to myself (a.k.a figured it out), I told a few close friends, just because I didn't want to be bottling it up anymore completely. It took me a while to come out to my mom, and I don't think my dad knows yet, but I digress. I know when you finally figure yourself out, you feel like you need to either keep it secret into the grave, or tell everyone. Each situation is different though. You need to try to figure out how your parents would react, maybe by talking to your mom (or dad. whichever you normally hold conversations with) and try to figure out what their opinion is, maybe by talking about people like Ellen DeGeneres etc (just something that doesn't apply to you that might help you gauge a reaction).

If you know your parents are really religious or very against it, it may be a good idea to let them know after you've moved out and gotten settled.

If you don't think your parents would care, then you might not need to tell them at all. They'll figure it out in time (like at your wedding lol), and hopefully they won't even need to make mention of it.

If you feel like you should tell them, then you should definitely know what their feelings about homosexuals are going in. I wish I could give you a fool-proof script that you could just read to them, and they'd magically understand and not be angry, or confused, or any of the other emotions that go along with it, but there just isn't one. With my mom, I came out to her when I asked her if she could add LOGO to our cable plan (lol) but I knew my mom was the kind who wanted me to be happy, regardless of who I was with.

When you come out, your parents may think:
1) They made a mistake raising youThis is of course wrong. Atleast pertaining to homosexuality lol. Every parent makes mistakes with their kids, but they having nothing to do with the child's sexuality
2) It is your conscious decision to be homosexual
This is also, obviously, a misconception. Be sure to reassure that this trait is just as inherent in you as your race, gender, etc.
3) Because you are homosexual, you have lost your connection with God.
This one is especially a problem if your family is very religious. My friend who's lesbian's father is a baptist preacher. She explained to him that she still loved God and Jesus and kept her faith with Christ. You may or may not need to reassure your parents this depending on your religious background.
4) In order to discover your sexuality, you had to have had sex with other men.
For me atleast, I did not need to. I am a virgin as I write to you. Hopefully, this is the case with you as well, because for most parents it is very comforting to hear that their child hasn't been having sex before marriage, regardless of their orientation. This may also help them to believe that it wasn't your choice, and it wasn't caused by an outside influence. (which brings me to the next one)
5) It was your friends (or the public school system) or other bad influences that made you this way.
You just need to remind them that its nobody's fault that you're gay.
6) Its just a phase, or councelling/therapy will help.
My mom actually told me I should "explore this with a professional". You should definitely be pretty sure aout it before you run and tell your parents. It took me about a year and a half to completely figure it out, but I was raised in a very open and accepting environment (I was still afraid to tell my parents lol. Don't worry, its normal). Anyways, just tell her (assuming its your mom. I think moms are generally easier to talk to, but whatever your case may be) that it isn't a phase, and not to waste her money on expensive councelling and therapy. She may not believe you, but in time it will make itself apparent.
7) There will be no grandchildren
This is a concern for many parents, I know it was for mine. Certainly, a child which has both you and your partner's genetic material is impossible (though, you never know where science will be in a few years lol), but many gay couples adopt or find a good friend who is willing to be a surrogate mother (no this doesn't mean you will need to "do it" with a woman. It can be done with a turkey baster). So tell them yes, grandchildren are still very much in the picture (Unless you don't want them, but it may be comforting for your mom especially to hear that there's a possibiltiy).
8) You will begin living the "gay lifestyle"
This was a problem for my mom as well. Just let her know that being gay doesn't mean you're going to go to gay bars/clubs and get drunk a lot, have a lot of sex with people you don't know, and get into hard drugs (The common stereotype of how we live). Certainly there are gay men who live like that, but tell her that you're still interested in a long, lasting relationship with someone you genuinely care about who feels the same way about you. I know many gay men and women who live successful lives as businessmen, politicians, etc. and lead very happy lives in normal, closed relationships.

That's pretty much all I can think of. Remember, before you tell them you should definitely be sure (or somewhat sure. Sexuality is a constantly changing thing.) about yourself. What I find useful is the Kinsey scale, rather than the old-fasioned Straight-Bi-Gay rating. Its a scale of one to six.

Completely interested in the opposite gender (1) 2-3- Evenly interested in both genders (3.5) -4-5 Completely interested in the same gender (6).

I know I'm about a four or a five, because though I'm not interested sexually in women at all, I know that it wouldn't be impossible for me to carry a long-term, romantic relationship with one. If you're pretty sure that you're a 4 or over, then you can be pretty sure that you're a homosexual.

That's all I can think of lol. Sorry for posting so much. If you have any questions or concerns or you just want someone to talk to, you can contact me here.

* personal contact info removed by Moderator for anonymity / safety *
* to contact this poster, just reply to this thread, or send a private message from his profile.

I wish the best, and GOOD LUCK!

[furry lover]

im not gay(but im not not gay, it all depends on the person) but i have a problem loving most women, even the best looking and more friendly, the problem was that my parents hardly liked me in the first place and i knew they wouldent take the fact im weird in any way good.

my advise is to be honest, tell them to sit at the table with straight faces, tell them that your worried they might not take the next infomation your about to tell them badly,
if you show that you are worried they might not take it well they might just be more likely to accept your gay, and to be honest if your family dont then they really must have shallow minds.

i personally have objectality problems, mainly to animals, telling my dad that was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, even over serving in iraq for 3 months, that 20 minute conversation probally was the most emotionally challenging thing ever. But i will never regret it in my life.

i am very mature for 20, i think logically before i do things, and that probally saved my neck with my family and in iraq. think before you say things that might just ruin your relationship( not likely but you never know )

i was most lucky while i served the army, i found a girl i love, with similar hobbys and interests(and fantasies) she has problem with men who walk with there ego hanging out. its quite funny if we are at the pub/bar and some rowdy guy has a go, she makes them wish they never tried.

as you can see i have gone on a bit and probally should stop now, so i will, hope my advise is usefull, and to make it easier to spot i made the usefull info bold

[Dan And Jennifer]

Guys, in response to this thread, just posted this video to YouTube, it's very much worth watching. Enjoy.

Should I Tell My Parents I'm Gay?

[666Chels]

this happened to one of my close friends.
dnt worry about it

just invite ur parents out for a meal
or cook a meal at home
just tell them from the heart.



hope all goes well

xxx