Confusion about my sexual orentation

[Stan in Cali]

I'm a pretty young, great-looking guy, living in the neighborhood beaches of San Clemente. I enjoy my life as it is. I have a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend of two and a half years, who I deeply love and care for. And my question is that I have been repressing my feelings for men. I have not experienced any intimate or sexual feelings towards men, but I have dreamed and fantasized holding hands, holding him, and sharing an intimate relationship with another man. But I am deeply troubled by these thoughts. My heart is pulled by this dream or yearning. What should I do? Should I try and experiment with dating other guys? I don't want to also hurt my girlfriend as well. Could I just be bi-sexual? Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Wolfhowl]

I have heard others say that there really isn't any Homo or Hetro-sexual in the world. Everyone is in a Range of Bi-Sexualilaty.

I would suggest that you don't care too much about labels, talk to your girl friend, let her know how and what you are feeling.

It is 1 partuclar guy you are having feelins for, or just guys in general?

How do you feel about your Girl-friend?

What would make you the happiest with yourself? (That is key)

all questions that need to be answered before you make any drastic decisions.

Wolfie

[jeanintro*quitex]

Hey there!

First of all, let me tell you that what you are feeling many, many people have already went through it - including myself!
People don't understand that bisexuality is as common and normal as homosexuality and heterosexuality (being gay or straight ). Should you experiment? Many times you won't need to even experiment to know what your sexual orientation really is. If you are attracted to men and women, then you might be bisexual, and since you have a girlfriend but have feelings towards men, then you might be bisexual.

My advice is to not drown in a glass of water. I really don't know your age (pssst) but if you're in your early-mid teens, you have plenty of time. And if you're in your twenties or upper, then you know this is the chance to really get to know you the best. It may not be the best idea to tell your girlfriend about this yet - she might get confused, unloved, ugly, whatnot. Girls overreact, especially if she loves you (it is true, isn't it?!). Try talking about this with someone you really trust (your parents may not be the best idea, y'know?) like a sibling (a close sister is by far the best option) or any close female friend (second best option).

Also, LABELS are BAD! Don't try to fit you in the "gay" or "straight" or "bi-curious" or whatever category yet. You've done a great improvement in accepting that you have some homosexual tendencies and you ask for help about it, it is a great step. Now, get to know you. Consider if you really want to be with a woman or a man for the rest of your life. Consider if you only feel "lust" or only "love" --or both-- towards men.

And as a last advice: The best thing you can do is to accept yourself the way you are. There is no "degay-omatic" or "Strisghtning Pills" or even the Facilities that guarantees you that they will make your straight, nuh uh, don't work. The best you can do after finding who you are is working with that and build self confidence and love towards yourself. Be honest, play safe (*coughs* always use a condom and LOTS OF lube if you will experiment *coughs*) and be patient. Answers will come

Oh, and I know this was not as detailed as I would love it to be, but send me a PM if you ever want to talk about this, or anything else.
-Jean.

[FreezeFlame]

Jean hit the nail on the head (Multiple times, may I add!).
The only other piece of advice I could share with you at the moment is just to ride it out with your girlfriend until you feel like breaking it off with her for whatever reason.

(Psst, I'm one of those people who thinks that everyone is a degree of bi!)

The fact that you are fantacising about romance rather than sex with men earns you big respect points from me. Of course, that's not what we're here for .

I really do suggest that you try a romantic relationship with another man (Only if things don't work out with this girl, of course!) so that you will know for certain how much you really want it. If you love the guy enough then it's very possible that you'll become more sexually attracted to him.

Don't beat yourself up over having these feelings. It will only bring you unnecessary shame and sorrow over something that really isn't that big of an issue!

As I say:
Live your life as your own self, not who others want you to be.
Celebrate every ounce of yourself.
Accept, love, and enjoy yourself. Always.

Good luck!