How can I get my girlfriend of 17 months to actually have intercourse with me? Out of ideas...

[jlviper146]

Hello.

A little background: I have been going out with my girlfriend since 2/08. She is an incredible person in many ways and I love her to death. I am 23 and she is 20. We are different in a lot of ways but do share some similar tastes/interests and really love each others company. I couldn't imagine myself without her, and she has said the same to me.

The basic problem I am having is that she will not have intercourse with me. She is a virgin, I am not. We have done several sex-related things including oral sex, but have yet to have actual intercourse. Basically we have done "everything but", if you know what I mean. We have tried to have sex about a half dozen times or so and every time it has ended bad, usually with her in tears. She is scared to death of the pain and on my attempts she grimaces with the slightest/softest contact I make down in her "area". Now like I said, we have done "everything but" so I have given her hundreds of orgasms using my fingers/hands on her and she loves them. I have gone inside her lots of times with my index finger, but usually only at the point right before she starts to orgasm, other than that she says it doesn't feel good or hurts. She has in turn given me a few orgasms, but most of the time I usually finish myself. She is heavily inexperienced cause she is a virgin. Most everything she has learned I have taught/talked to her about.

Now, I am an impatient person in general with most everything, but I strive to be as patient as possible with her. I have not had full blown intercourse since before we started going out. Obviously I am EXTREMELY horny, and I honestly do not know what to do . I really don't want to leave her cause she is so special to me and I love her. I will also never ever cheat on her, I am not that type of person. It has gotten to the point of me telling her hundreds of times how bad I want to make love to her, and she usually just replies "I know, I know" or "I know, I suck", then it just makes me feel guilty. I am not going to break up with her just to have sex with someone, I do NOT want to leave her and there is a LOT more to relationships than just sex, I believe.

One thing I know she hates, as most females do, is her self image. She thinks she is fat and ugly. I tell her everyday I think she is beautiful (and I truly do think she is fu**ing smokin!). I am sure this is part of the overall problem, but do continue to read below please.

Not only am I horny as hell because I haven't had sex in a few years and I am a normal young male, I also believe sex would help me a lot right now. So far, 2009 has not been kind to me at all. I was jobless for the first time in my life for roughly 2.5 months. Like I mentioned earlier, I quit a job I LOVED and worked for 6.5 years to move back home to be with my girlfriend, and I have still not gotten over it. I have an okay job now, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how much I miss my old one. My girlfriend is well aware of this also, and keeps saying things like "So move back, I'm not that important", and I hold true to the opposite, and tell her that she has made me happy more than anything in my life, and that is 100% true. So I think sex would help relieve a lot of stress in my life. I have only had sex a handful of times, so I have no idea how nice it must be to have sex on a regular basis, even if its once or twice a week. I am very tired of feeling like a moron loser when my friends meet girls and have sex within days or weeks, and here I am sitting at 17+ months...and nothing....

I have even mentioned to my girlfriend to go to a doctor and see if "everything is alright down there" for her, thinking that perhaps there is something causing more pain for her than normal. She had her normal gynecologist checkup and the doc said everything is fine. I have also tried to get some toys to try and spice things up and prep her for sex but that hasn't helped either. She also mentioned "well maybe if I get drunk with you we'll be able to do it". This has actually yet to be attempted but history tells me more than likely it won't make a difference, not to mention she pretty much never drinks as it is and when she does it is very very little.

Recently she mas mentioned to me that she doesn't even care about having sex right now, saying "its not a big deal to me". I then tell her "well its not a big deal to you because you do not know what you're missing". I have also even thrown out the "well if you don't have sex with me then you must not love me" bit, not trying to hurt her or anything, but just to see what kind of response I get. When I say this she tears up and says she does love me, and all I accomplished by trying this was feeling like a moron. I tell her I would never hurt her (although being a virgin it is inevitable that it is going to hurt for her) and that if I could I would take all the pain for her. Sad thing is, it doesn't really matter what I say because she is scared to death of the pain from sex. And it doesn't help that she is a hypochondriac in general anyway, she admits this herself.


I am pretty much out of ideas here, and I am really really wanting a change and really really wanting to have sex on some sort of a basis, hell even if its once a month. Is all this just "normal virgin jitters"? Or is it something much more? What am I missing? I have never heard of any couple going out for 17+ months and not having intercourse. I am open to any type of advice, I am sure there are some ideas/issues I haven't thought of.

If you need more information about me/her/anything, please let me know!
Thank you for your time reading this and I look forward to your help!

[DeathPhantom]

If she is she might also want to wait till she's married. Also, I know, as a female virgin about being afraid if it will hurt a lot. If her's is extra sensative you should use lube to make it easier. And.. I've been told that if she's relaxed it would be less painful for her.. It's also the fact that she's scared.. you might want to try reshuring her.
But I'm no expert.
Good luck.

[FemaleOrgasm]

Get a copy of "Speed Seduction" by Ross Jeffries. Read it and apply it immediately because it works.

If you keep making her cry about sex, you will drive her away.

[YourEternalRest]

It sounds like you've done all the talking that you could. I don't know if you've tried this and didn't mention it or if you just haven't thought of it but what have you done to make her feel relaxed? Just trying to talk her into having sex won't work and by what you're saying, it sounds like you're gonna have to put a lot of effort in to get what you want. Dan and Jenn just recently uploaded this video to YouTube and it goes through the relaxation process before the actual intercourse happens. You can try doing some of these and see if that changes anything. Good luck!

YouTube - Orgasm Tip #1 - Find Out Why Relaxation is Crucial...

[miss kitty]

First I just want to tell you that you are probably the most patient man on Earth! I can think of a few possible reasons that she won't have sex with you:

Maybe she IS waiting for marriage - ask her if that's the case
Is she nervous that you won't enjoy it? It sounds like she has a bad self-image problem and that could be killing her confidence.
Is she afraid of getting pregnant? That is a big one for chicks... we are scared to death of having a kid we didn't plan on. Ask her if she is on or would consider birth control and promise her you will use condoms to do your part.
This one is touchy... is this a family or religious issue? In some religions, sex before marrige is strictly forbidden and members feel they will be punished if they ignore the rule.

Communications is very important. Has she ever been um... attacked by any man in the past? I don't want to be rude, but if she has been a victim in some way, she may have very bad feelings about the act with you.

[theresa]

if she wants to which it seems she does,but is mostly afraid of the pain,take her back to the gynecologist and have her hymen broken by the doctor.....it is less painful than when you do it trust me.but dont pressure her,this is a personal choice and even though you are near to the problem it is still her decision to make.take your time...there is nothing so disturbing as to be knee deep in someone who goes into a panic attack

[Grotesque]

Oh man, Iv heard this one before. Although, in your situation you have indeed waiting a long time. Crazy stuff. I might have an answer for you but its rather different and something I have done before but only once. It did work. If this doesn't work then Im out of ideas.

1. I wouldn't talk about the situation. I would act like its the last thing from my mind.
-- If she brings up a conversation about "sorry Im like this" or "I really want to but.." then change subject as quick as you can and if possible, something interesting or fun. A kiss and a tickle worked for me.

2. Try to make her feel great about herself. The better you can do this the more she will wont you. The aim is to make her guilt free and want your body without the thought they she HAS to do it. She must want to do it in a lustful way.
-- Get her some clothing that you feel she looks sexy in. Even if she won't wear it outside, make her wear it indoors.
-- Tell her she looks great and look at her body when you say this.
-- Flirt. I remember smacking my girlfriends bum when she least expected it and saying "wasn't me sweet cheeks". Its fun and unexpected.
-- Be naughty. If you go cloths shopping and she is trying some cloths on. Jump in with her and watch her change. Watch her change at home. Some girls might not like this but mine always had a big smile on her face when I did this.
-- Sarcasm. Im really bad with this (in a good way). If my girl says "Do these pants make me look fat" Ill reply with "Oh wow, you look HUGE"!! Usually gets me a slap but in a fun way. Either that or I will say "let me check.." and spend a good 10 sec feeling her ass. Always brings a smile.

3. The talk.
-- If you MUST talk about this sex situation between you both then be casual about it, not serious, stressed or angry. This will make the situation worse. Instead talk about how her head will explode when she orgasms or talk about all the great positions you both will get up too. Do it with a smile and a joke. Make it sound fun, not like its some sort of expectation.

4. Result.
-- With a guilt free atmosphere and lustful appetite she will want you no matter what. To want sex because she is horny, not because she feels guilty.

[Grotesque]

One more thing. About the whole sex thing. Sounds like you know what you're doing there however some people get the sex and yet don't learn a darn thing.

You will need...
Lube, candles, massage oil, lube, calm music, towl, lube, bed side water jug, nibble food (chocolate) and also don't forget lube. LOTS OF LUBE!! Great stuff.

Yes, a relaxed girl is a happy girl. Massage her body. Play the tunes. Kiss her body. Lube each other up and get her to go on top. Let her have all the control and make sure she is guilt free and having fun. If things arnt going well STOP!! Laugh, kiss and if you're lucky start again later or try another day.

Hope this helps. Good luck my friend.

[ValorNET]

^ I hereby rate this Aussie's review an 8.5/10.

The other 1.5 is margin of error, for possibly her having bad past experiences influencing current circumstances the way they are - for which, his seduction method will utterly falter. But that's not too likely it would seem. She has moderate interrest at least, so try and do what the 'mate' says.

[Grotesque]

Originally Posted by ValorNET

^ I hereby rate this Aussie's review an 8.5/10.

Haha! It worked for me so I just lay it out like butter.

Was it the "smack her on the ass" that lost the points? Im a bad boy, can't help it.

I can seem rather naughty but the best people are just that.