My boyfriend is more experienced than me

[addieg21]

He's 21 and I'm 19 .I'm a virgin and I don't know what to do.We've almost had sex a million of times but he won't because he thinks I'm still afraid because I was molested .How do I prove that I'm not afraid.Also, what exactly do I do in bed

[Beagle]

You don't say why he believes there is a reason you are afraid of sexual activity. I'm wondering if your body language isn't communicating something that you aren't consciously aware of. That is very common among abuse survivors.

I could give you a lot of advice on how to "act" in bed, but I don't think that's what you need. I think the first step here is to communicate openly with him, when you're not in the process of foreplay or sex. "Yes, I was abused and it makes me nervous. But, I love you and I want to make love to you." Then, you will know what to do. Don't expect skyrockets the first few times you make love. Like jumping off a high dive, it takes a few times to learn to relax. That's true for anyone. Once you're through that, a great reference is [/i]The Joy of Sex.[i] It's available in any major bookstore. The biggest thing is for you to show him how to help you relax. This varies from woman to woman. It could include a long time of just snuggling or actual foreplay, or slowly undressing, or a million other things depending on what works for you. Remember, sex is a completely natural act for you. At an instinctive level, you'll know what to do.

[Xero]

For your first time take things slow.

It may hurt becasue your hymen may still be in tact. I would suggest having a towel on hand to clean up any mess that this can cause. If its your first time make sure you guys take it slow becasue you could be tight and need adjusting. You will loosen up over a period of having sex, and it will be come easier and better.

There can be some pain the first few times, but it should not be extremely painful. Communication is key in having sex so you both are having a good time. While having sex, just let things go and just enjoy the moment, say things that you wish to enhance the moment. If you mess up just laugh and continue.

[kettlekorn]

If you feel that you are ready to have sex, maybe you could verbally tell him that. When you two are about to have sex, actually say to him, "I am ready to make love with you". You can also tell him this when there isn't foreplay happening too.

If I were him, I would be worried about whether you're ready or not. I would be worried of pressuring you to have sex if I asked you or actually penetrated you. So if you tell him that you're ready then he will be certain.

(I don't know if he is ready or not yet though, perhaps you could ask him that and have a conversation about sex in general? Before I lost my virginity, I discussed it with my boyfriend so that we were on the same page, like using condoms. We also went condom shopping together and read some things online beforehand. It really helped bring us closer together and tested us to make sure we were ready for sex.)