Should I act upon my feelings?

[leahcimccc]

Hi, I'm new to this site, but Ive found lots of the articles and readings to be quite informative so I thought I'd go ahead and ask my question...

Ok, so basically I'm in my senior year and have been single for the entirety of my life, this doesn't really bug me as I'm not the kind of person who really is into the whole branching out and exploring my "options". More so I guess you could say I'm more so the kinda guy who wants to fall in love with a person who I think that maybe one day I might have the chance of spending the rest of my life with them or sorta that 1 true love kinda deal. I've known this girl who is/has been one of my best friends for about 7 years now and like most best friends we have similar interests. I'm not really sure when this whole thing started, but I guess more and more I've found myself wanting to become more than just friends at times. I've been with her for a long time I'm of course quite comfortable hanging out with her and since we're both night owls who enjoy staying up I often tell her things on AIM that I won't tell anyone else like my dreams for the future and sort of feelings.

Whenever we're at school, I guess for the past year or so, I've always felt this odd sort of feeling of wanting just to hold her in my arms. I've seen her randomly accept hugs from some of our different friends and allow them to rest on her shoulder or back or something when we're sitting down or something. But when I tried this she sort of got... not mad and not creeped out, but more so... well let's just say she's really spazzy at times and I'm not sure if it's some sort of natural reaction but only on some occasions will we ever have physical contact (by accident mostly), one thing we've never done is hugged. Most of the time though it's her touching me as in poking me randomly or hitting me randomly which she doesn't really do with anyone else so I'm not sure if I should interpret that as me being a good person to physically abuse. I suppose I get jealous though or confused whenever I can't poke her back or hug her like my other friends especially my other best friend can.

During the night, like I mentioned before, I often tell her things I won't tell anyone else, and just rant whatever on her chat. We joked about it a few times and how I use her as a sort of diary or daily journal. Besides that though we both have an interest in watching anime with romantic/comedy being the one we mostly talk about. Whenever these talks come up we sort of joke around about love (not between ourselves) and pair up our friends with other friends and create random stories and jokes about our lives in a few years and being neighbors with our friends who we randomly decided got married... like I said... random stories...

So anyways if you read through all that you have a general idea of our relationship between each other... or more so MY relationship with her for the past 7 or so years... honestly I don't know what she thinks of me sometimes, maybe I'm blind or maybe I'm too hopeful (probably both). She's an irreplaceable friend who I do not want to lose, but at the same time she's someone who I want to be with more and more. We're seniors in high school right now. In about 5 months or so we'll be going to different colleges and we'll be making new friends. I don't know how far apart we'll be nor do I know how much contact we'll keep (hopefully a good amount). On top of that I'm applying for the Army ROTC program in college which will probably even further separate us eventually. This is basically the reason why I'm getting nervous... she's someone I don't want to lose and as graduation gets closer and closer, I'm afraid someone else out there might have feelings for her or she might have feelings for them...

Recently I read an article posted on this site which I saved to reread over and over... it tells me to wait, let our relationship mature and even if I'm rejected not to give up... it comforted me for a bit and I sort of agreed, but I feel like this article is assuming that I'll be within a few miles or cities of the one we love...

SO now thank you to the person or persons who read that T_T...
basically here is the question...

should I act upon my feelings... before it might possibly be too late (meaning act before graduation)?

[Xero]

That is a tough choice.

Part of me says go right ahead and just ask her.

The other part says no, because you will be dong other things.

The part that says go ahead is stronger through, for reasons of. You never know what could be, and its worth a try.

[leahcimccc]

true... better to try now then regret later... i dunno though... I worry sometimes I'm thinking too much about this, like maybe I'm too serious or something in my thinking... before I realized my attachment to her, i used to think that for now I should just focus on what I want to do, instead of worrying about that whole boyfriend/girlfriend ordeal...

but i dunno now it's like, even though I can still joke with her the same and rant with her the same... whenever I'm alone with her I have trouble acting the same as I do when I'm with my friends... before I used to have no problem doing that... before whenever I was with her, that awkward sort of silence was never really a problem...

and even though I really want to be with her, what bothers me is what exactly do I have to offer her... what would it change o_o? would we act any differently? would I be able to speak to her when we're alone in person, instead of just being able to come out and talk about amusing or serious things on aim?

she's pretty much a tomboy, she's the kind of person who is quite straightforward and is not afraid to say something if it bothers her... she's also the kind of person who likes to joke around, but at the same time she's the kind of person who can easily take command of me especially lol and the rest of my friends if we ever can't decide something or if she wants something done...

besides the whole soon going to be going far away from each other problem... I guess you could say even as much as I want to be with her, before that I want to be someone who is worth being with her and someone who can stand at her level... the only problem is I'm seen more of that joker guy of the group on the outside... my reputation amongst my friends is pretty much set... however whenever we're on AIM, like I said, I can talk to her easier, and by now she knows a great deal about me all from aim....

so ya o_o... even if I did want to act on my feelings and ask her out... I have that issue of not being able to have much to offer besides my company and my feelings....

i guess the question has changed a bit... hell I don't even know if it's a question anymore... it's more like I'm just ranting these things which I can't rant to anyone I know personally, in attempts to keep these feelings and thoughts a secret while at the same time find some sort of comfort or answer....

if I told all this to the girl I like in some sort of hypothetical story about an unnamed person... i can pretty much guess she'd say to me that that unnamed person needs to find the answer on their own...

heh, I guess this pretty much was just a rant... thank you for answering, even if it was indirect I guess you gave me a good idea of what I need to do ^^

[Xero]

Just man up and ask her.

I think its better to know than not know.

Even if nothing minimal changes its just the feeling of something is what makes it much better. Just tell her how things might go in the future like in the first week of the relationship just so she doesn't feel bad in the end when/if things happen. She might already know but just remind her, its better if you do.

[Nova]

I think situations like yours is one of the toughest to give a straightforward answer to. Probably because there really isn't going to be one. I have heard of people in your situation (both on here and people I've talked to irl) who start to develop feelings for someone who has been a friend. I think it gets even tougher for people the longer they've known the person he/she feels attracted to. If you're both seniors, I'm guessing you're around 17 or 18 and knowing each other for seven years is quite a bit of time. You also mentioned the other factor about the two of you becoming distant in the future because of colleges. This obviously does not help the situation.

I can't say which way is the best to go. If you don't tell her about how you feel, you run the risk of perhaps regretting later in your life saying "I should have told her when I had the chance" or "I wonder if things could have worked out with her." On the other hand, I've also heard romances not happening and not only that, the level of closeness between the two people start to drift.

One thing you didn't mention is how far you two will be. Or maybe you don't know that yet? How much distance between the two of you can make a difference in the situation. But then I gotta ask this next question to you: Let's say you tell her how you feel and she does go out with you. What will happen in five months when you two won't be able to see each other every day in school like you do now?

[leahcimccc]

well... it's most likely, we'll at least be in the same state (california) which wouldn't be too bad... and if we did start going out and have to deal with the problems of an almost long distance relationship...

i honestly... don't know what would happen... i guess I'd assume we'd talk on aim or text each other randomly like we always do... and whenever we had time one of us would probably go and visit the other... other then that, she's the kind of girl who is more so... independent I guess you could say... sex, drugs, drinking.... none of those are really things that she has any attachment or habits with... same with me, with the exception of certain things relating to sex since i'm a guy(by that I don't mean that I'm a sex addict or anything, like I stated before <= been single)...

also the whole problem of not being able to see her everyday... well... I guess it'd be lonely at times... probably more so then I realize at the moment, but those moments when we do meet up would probably feel much more satisfying and make that whole wait worth it...

there was a time when I talked to her about the whole idea of ROTC where I'd probably be placed in a situation where human lives are my responsibility and how that whole idea was something that i guess scared me in a way... after that she asked me why I wanted to join and I said mainly to benefit myself so I could eventually benefit my family and those I love, after that she told me not to forget what I just said and to remember that either way whether it's through ROTC or not, there will be a time when I'll have to be responsible over a human life...

but ya, I dunno, it's just from knowing her for so long and her way of saying something to me that really... i guess you could say pushes me forward, that even if we're far apart or something our relationship whether it'd be as lovers or as just friends would still be there waiting for me...

[Nova]

It sounds like you have your answer. Good luck.