Weird Question

[futureqatif]

Alright, this might be the weirdest question you might have heard, but I'll be brave and I'll sort it out. I'm from Saudi Arabia and as you know people in Saudi are not allowed to date or have any kind of relationship before marriage. And two years ago, I got a scholarship to study engineering in the US, and through these two years of my life I've come to the point where I've changed a lot in terms of my view on life, relationships, and love.

I realized, for the first time in my life, that I've lived in an absolute solitude from the opposite sex that ruined my chances of dating an open minded person in the US. Blaming the society and my family is, of course, not gonna change anything now, and the best thing for me is to start over again and try to find the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with her.

But here is the problem though, "I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START OR HOW TO START." I'm really insecure and I have a very low self-steam. For almost two years I wasn't able to make any relationship because probably I'm afraid of women sometimes or just because I don't know where to start. I'm not that attractive and I'm not looking for a supermodel; I just want to find my soul-mate and live a normal healthy life. Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks,

[Saishuu]

futureqatif, don't worry its not that weird.

I can relate to you completely, I used to go to an all boys school.
All my friends were males, everybody I knew was male, and I hadn't talked to a girl or had any contact with them for years. Infact the only contact I had with girls was in primary school and that was at the age of "4-10 years old" where "all girls have cooties" needless to say, I had no experience getting along with women, heck back then I stuttered, spluttered, lost my voice, wretched & everything whenever I got spoke to by one of my friends girlfriends, I was very shy, its pretty normal.


1) Where to start,

Go out to the pubs & the clubs with your male friends, if none of your friends go out to these places get some more friends. The best places to meet new friends is most likely your place of work, you can go out with your work colleagues & before you know it you are friends!

The reason pubs & clubs are good is people talk to complete strangers in these places, & women talk to complete strangers in these places, if your friends "pick up" women here, then ask them what they are doing, what they say, and be open with them, you want to know so you can go "pick up some chicks" so to speak. You'll find most guys will be really nice accommodating & helpful, don't worry they wont laugh or anything like that.

2)Self-esteem.

Self-esteem is something that you will gain via every success & every failure, no matter how small those successes are or how large the failures are. If every week you can look back at yourself & think "I am better at this & this & this, than I was last week" then your well on your way to improving. For getting women, if every week if you can ask yourself "can I talk to women slightly better than I could last week? or did I learn something I shouldn't do?" and you can answer yes, then thats good, keep doing it.

If you can only answer NO, then you need to promise yourself to try harder next week, if you don't try harder you need to honestly blame yourself & not excuse yourself (make excuses). If you try to improve every week you'll improve.

3)Getting a woman for a relationship (or a one night stand).

Now I put these together because these are the same, you need both to have either.

Bluntly putting it, you need to consider that you need to be opening the door to a new relationship to have a one-night-stand & you also have to close the door to end that relationship.

now the girls that you meet out with your friends, these are not girls you want for your life partner, these are girls that you want to make your friends. You want to get to the point that you have a couple of female friends you can call and say "hey wanna go out shopping, grab a beer, or go to the cinema" these are the most important friends and you will become a excellent communicator to women by conversing with these women .

4)finding your life partner,

After you have lots of friends, especially female friends, your doors are wide open for introductions to girls looking for their "life partner". Also you'll be meeting loads more people & then when you feel like it, and you are confident and you meet someone new, "put the moves on" (no not in the sleezy way, just show her your interested, you don't need to know how to do this now, & knowing would just hinder you, wait till you learn "in the real world").

Then after you have had a few women, you can pick the one that you would most like to spend the rest of your life with & see if it works-out.

4b) This is my no-fail way to get lots and lots and lots of friends.

*)every time you meet someone, make an effort to get their name, ask them to repeat it if you didn't get it the first time.

*)when they are not looking get your cell phone and make a quick note of their name & something about them so you can match the face in your head to the name.

^)when you get home write the names and descriptions into a diary.
^)every night before you go to sleep, study and learn everyone in your diary.

*)next time you see someone and you know their name, greet them, shake their hand, say their name, ask them how they are. They will be impressed because its almost guaranteed they will have forgotten your name.

Before you know it you'll be very popular and know lots of people.

[futureqatif]

Thank you so much!!! That's really impressive and definitely worth trying. Thank you again for your time

[Rachael559]

Originally Posted by futureqatif

Alright, this might be the weirdest question you might have heard, but I'll be brave and I'll sort it out. I'm from Saudi Arabia and as you know people in Saudi are not allowed to date or have any kind of relationship before marriage. And two years ago, I got a scholarship to study engineering in the US, and through these two years of my life I've come to the point where I've changed a lot in terms of my view on life, relationships, and love.

I realized, for the first time in my life, that I've lived in an absolute solitude from the opposite sex that ruined my chances of dating an open minded person in the US. Blaming the society and my family is, of course, not gonna change anything now, and the best thing for me is to start over again and try to find the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with her.

But here is the problem though, "I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START OR HOW TO START." I'm really insecure and I have a very low self-steam. For almost two years I wasn't able to make any relationship because probably I'm afraid of women sometimes or just because I don't know where to start. I'm not that attractive and I'm not looking for a supermodel; I just want to find my soul-mate and live a normal healthy life. Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks,

So I wanted to tackle a little bit the idea of self-esteem. It's something we all deal with to some degree. Some people call it self-confidence, sometimes just self-assuredness. And it's hard, I mean one often quoted though I don't know if accurate statistic is that more people are afraid of public speaking than of dying. I don't have any easy answers. I do know that years ago, Oprah advocated a "Gratitude" diary, write 3 to 5 things in the diary every day that you are grateful for. They didn't have to even be big things. I think people can make this go further by not just writing 3 to 5 things you're grateful for, but also write 3 to 5 things you succeeded at each day, they don't have to be big things, For example my start might be "I'm grateful for the rain today (( we're in drought conditions here and need it, and I like the feel on my skin ))" and " I succeeded in bringing in the morning paper before it got soaked through by the rain" Okay those aren't big things, but if you can find those things and make those connections everyday, day in and day out, in a year you will see a completely different you. I hope these are some ideas you can use.
Warm Wishes,
Rachael
ps
must remember to add to my journal "I'm grateful for AskDanandJennifer.com and I succeeded in sharing from my heart something I hope will truly help another person"...

[Dan And Jennifer]

Thanks Rachael for sharing the Gratitude Journal. This is something that I've been doing consistently for about two years and it's absolutely changed my life.

Almost everyday I write in my journal with the goal of filling at least one page of things that I'm grateful for. I start out "Today I'm grateful for..." and then just start writing.

If you think about it, this could even be considered a form of prayer because you are telling God/Universe what you're grateful for and what you want more of...

Dan and I are both really into the Law of Attraction and co-creating our lives. We like to think of it as a collaboration between us and our true soul purpose.

Many people don't know it, but Dan and I both used to have high paying and high stress IT Consulting jobs. We both walked away from all of that when we realized that while lucrative, these careers were not in alignment with our true purpose. We were not happy - not really...

You should have heard the reaction fro our families! Ugh... They thought we had both gone mad!

This is a little off topic, but there's a book called "The Passion Test" - I highly recommend that everyone read and go through these exercises at least once. It can be a very eye opening experience.

There's one other thing that I do when writing in my journal that I got from the "Millionaire Course" (a similar twist on the passion test) and that is to write our the exact life that I want to create on the back of that same page.

It's truly amazing how powerful writing down your goals can be!!! When I look back at what I wrote in previous years, at least 70% of them have come true.

You can do this with the relationship that you want to create. It doesn't even have to be about money!

[brbrhej]

I love the answers you got here. I would like to add concerning you being unexperienced..., that there is not need to stress what other people, both male and female, will think about you not being experienced. It is important to be who you are, and you are completely fine being who you are. If you accept yourself, it is also more likely that others will do that too.
I also think that once you meet a gilr you really, really like and feel confortable with...and if you happen to feel insecure or clumzy or anything like that...what might help you is just be frank as you were with us, and tell her how you are. I personally love when a man is frank with me. I had an indian boyfreind once (who had lack of experiences for simmilar reasons as you ), and was his first experience in everything starting form kiss to sex, and I actually found it really cute. So I am sure many women will be understanding and caring about this as well.
One thing more, which is something that helps me a lot in my life when it comes to learning anything (including relationships, love): there are no failiers, only experiences! I really live like this, and it brings lots of joy and self esteme (many people even admire me) whatever I learn. So just relate to it that you are in a learing process. If a woman wants you or rejects you, if you did something good or wrong...cose there are no wrongs in life, just experience. Try to learn from ALL of of your experiences and you will see how fast you develop and learn and build self asteem...and find a partner.
And if you have one of those days when your self esteem is low and you fel terrible, I guess you can always count on the support of the community we are having here.So you can be enthusiastic again.
I wish you good luck.
Br