Further reflections.....

[Beagle]

Some time ago, I posted a story about how I had met my first love after not seeing her for twenty years. (Sadder but Wiser….) After we talked by phone several times, and a lot of emails, it was like we had never been apart. Suddenly, I found myself very anxious and worried. As I peeled away the layers, I learned that I was anxious about "losing" her again. The reason for the quotes will be explained later. For the next week, I didn't have a good nights sleep-obsession over each email and conversation, "Am I doing the right thing to get her?" Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to go up into one of the national parks and spend a couple of nights beside the river. After my friends and companions had all gone to bed, I had the opportunity to reflect on my situation, and I came to a realization. I love her, and I have for the twenty-five years. However, I was having all the nervousness because it had become a possessive love. It was focused on me getting what I want. It wasn't making allowance that being with me might not be the best thing for her.

As I sit her, sweating and stinking from a nice run, I've realized that sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone can be being willing to let them go. I realize I care more deeply for her than I ever did for any woman. I would like to see the newfound contact between us develop into a warm relationship. The truth is, I would like to die in her arms, but that's another story. My realization was that I'm not ready to love until I'm willing to face things for what they are, not what I want them to be. Also, that in order to love I have to be willing to give her her freedom.

The way I was interacting with her was defeating the entire purpose. Every time I talked with her, it was about strategy. Once I realized that I could love, without a sick need to possess, the anxiety fell away like a worn-out coat.

Now, my goal isn't to "get" her. My goal is to interact with her genuinely and sincerely. Ultimately, I can't control her feelings and her choices. The one thing I can control is how I choose to treat her.

I want to thank everyone who helped me come to this point. Xero, for listening and being supportive. Harry Mete for turning me onto EFT; which helped me peel back the layers to find what I was really feeling. All you others who have responded to me through the forums and through the messages, thank you. It's an honor to be a part of this great online community.

Would I be sad if she chooses someone else, or no one else? Absolutely. But, my goal is to come to the point of acceptance, that I can put forth my best effort while being prepared to accept the outcome.

I know it was long. If you're still reading, I hope this might go on to help someone else who might be facing a similar situation. I know we all have to find our own path, but sometimes one's path can illuminate a way for another.

[Xero]

Sad to hear, but very glad you can find some type of acceptance and a place for her in your life.

I hope you can at least find someone to live your life with or someone that will be there for you in the end.

I'm sure there is someone out there just working, doing their every day thing and you have yet to run across them. Once you do and you know their the one (which you will you are very intelligent) and you will have a very happy life together.

Just never give up, it's not worth it. Life is too short to not have a good stab at it.

Best of wishes and Good Luck.