Online dating emails

[sp88dc]

Hey everyone,

So this is my first post on this forum!

I've been sending emails through online dating, but I never get a reply
So I'm going to include both my profile as well as some message I have sent, and perhaps if you could let me know what more I could include, or what I'm doing wrong.

Profile

Well, I am looking for someone just to have a good time with to begin with. I'd prefer meeting someone that has an idea of where they'd like to go in the future, and is currently working (though in school is fine as well). I like someone that is honest, and just likes to be themselves.

I enjoy going for walks in the city, and also the outdoors.

I currently work in customer service, and I enjoy it quite a bit.

What I like for a first date:

My idea of a first date would be walking around a park and/or a beach and watching the sunset (I especially like the Toronto Islands)! But I am open if you would like to do something else as a first date.

Sample Initial Emails

#1

Hi (person’s screen name),

I see you enjoy travelling. Is there anywhere in particular you enjoy going?

(my name)

#2

Hi (person’s screen name),

I see you enjoy travelling. Where do you think your next big travel destination will be?

I would be interested in going on a trip to the Atlantic provinces this summer!

(my name)

#3

Hi (person’s screen name),

I see that you enjoy travelling, which I something I am looking foward to as well. I also enjoy been outdoors, and camping too. Do you have an idea of where you would want to travel to next? What kind of camping do you like?

Hope to hear from you soon!

(my name)

#4

Hi (person’s screen name),

I saw your profile online, which I found to be quite interesting. I saw in it that you are hard working with goals in mind. I was wondering what some of your goals are, and if you don't mind sharing them with me?

(my name)

[lisaq]

First of all I have to ask if your profile includes pictures of you? Personally, I won't reply to an email from a guy with no pics, and I'm not alone in that. It may seem shallow, but we all know that there has to be a physical attraction whether we want to admit it or not. Also, you want to include more than just one picture. Let them see you in different situations. Not only can they begin to get a sense of you, it reassures them that it really is you.

Second, I'd have an issue with this line: "Well, I am looking for someone just to have a good time with to begin with." I think lots of women might misinterpret that to mean you are looking for sexual encounters. Go into more detail. Be more specific about the kinds of things you enjoy doing. Do you enjoy going out dancing, sporting events, concerts, movies? What actually constitutes having a good time for you? You mentioned outdoors and camping in a couple of the emails, but I don't see it in your profile. Give them something to work with! Add some humor and let your personality shine through.

Also, I'm afraid that long walks and watching the sunset come off too cliche. Many women think that men say those kinds of things because they think women want to hear them. Try to think of a fun, interesting first date idea. Stay away from cliches.

Finally, you might want to change up your emails a bit. While it's good to mention things she enjoys and mentions and things you might have in common, you might want to 'warm it up' a bit. You sort of come off as business like rather than friendly. And, of course, adding humor is always a good thing.

As Dan & Jenn would tell you, you need to set yourself apart from the pack. Lord only knows how many emails these women are getting and if they don't find something that jumps out at them, they'll head straight to the delete button!

You don't mention what site you're using but just from the format your profile seems to be in, I'm wondering if it's Plenty of Fish. Though free, it can be a 'you get what you pay for' kind of site. One perk is their forum. You can visit the forum and post a thread in the profile review section asking for feedback. I've found a lot of the members very helpful in that regard. But, if you're serious about online dating, you might want to try Match or one of the other pay sites.

Hope that helps some. Good luck!

[sp88dc]

Well, thank you very much Lisaq for your detailed reply there. Yes, I am using Plenty Of Fish, though I use Lavalife as well. I have about 4 pictures posted.

Part of the problem is that I have to admit that all pretty much do in my life is either work, or to stay @ home. Now, I am actually very close to Toronto, which is home to about 4-5 million people. So this may be a dumb question, but what would be some good first date ideas? (I always thought the ones I had listed were ok). Here are the things I would enjoy doing:

*Walks in the city, especially the waterfront
*Camping (though it’s been a very long time since I last did it)
*Skiing (also been a long time; I’d like to go on a ski trip as well)
*Travelling – I’d like to go on a driving trip sometime
*Going to different attractions in the city
*Going for dinner afterwards

Also, I would be open for the for the most part on what to do as a first date; for example I wouldn’t mind going shopping if that is what they’d like to do, even though I myself am not a big fan of it.

Further, I have am not a very creative person, so I wouldn’t know how to add humor to my messages. Do you have an example of how I can add humor?

Thanks

[lisaq]

You're welcome! I'm happy to try to help. I know how frustrating online dating can be, believe me!

As far as first date ideas, you have some good starts there...just expand on them. For example, what attractions in the city? Maybe you could be more specific. As for the waterfront, what kinds of things could you do there? Get an ice cream? Have a picnic? Those would sound much more interesting than just a walk. Or you could check out some of the date ideas on Ask Dan & Jennifer like 300 Fun & Creative Date Ideas.

As far as humor goes, if that's not something that comes naturally to you, then maybe it wouldn't be the best choice. You don't want to come off like you're trying too hard. Just be you and try to let some of your personality shine through. Be friendly and approachable. The 3rd email you listed is a good start. Say hello. Ask how she is. Rather than asking where she thinks she might go next, ask what her favorite vacation or destination was. Mention someplace you have been and tell her what you enjoyed about it. But don't make it too long. Women don't want to read a book. Tell her you hope she is having a fabulous day.

Dan & Jenn also have some pretty fabulous videos about emailing and approaching women on online dating sites you might want to check out if you haven't already.

[sp88dc]

Hi there, I've now updated my profile again:

About me:

I am 24 years old and currently work in customer service, which I enjoy quite a bit. I would describe myself as optimistic, considerate of others and I have a good sense of humor.

I enjoy watching sports, but especially football. I look forward to camping sometime. Traveling is an interest of mine, and I did get to go on a trip to BC last year.

I’m looking for a woman that is honest and confident as well as open and has an idea of where they like to go in the future. Just someone that can be themselves.

First Date:

My idea of a first date may involve any of the following (or even a combination of them):

*Visiting tourist spots in the city
*Taking a walk (such as along the waterfront, or even on the Toronto Islands)
*Having lunch/dinner at a nice restaurant
*Shooting pool
*Window Shopping
*Going for a game of mini-golf

Though I am open if you’d like to do something for a first date.

Again, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[lisaq]

Nicely done! Any hits yet?

[sp88dc]

Originally Posted by lisaq

Nicely done! Any hits yet?

I'm actually just starting to send out emails again!

I just realzied though, what are some good subject lines to use in the initial message?

[lisaq]

oh goodness! i'll be the first to admit that's something i struggle with. lately i just do a "happy saturday" or whatever day it is. i'm sure there's probably something better than that out there but it seems to work okay for me.

[sp88dc]

Originally Posted by lisaq

oh goodness! i'll be the first to admit that's something i struggle with. lately i just do a "happy saturday" or whatever day it is. i'm sure there's probably something better than that out there but it seems to work okay for me.

Hey, just wondering if this post was to reply to my previous post?

Thanks

[lisaq]

Originally Posted by sp88dc

Hey, just wondering if this post was to reply to my previous post?

Thanks

yep...sure was...