sinking feeling

[Tom in UK]

dear Dan and Jen.

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 6months. Things were really good at the start, she misses me and tell me she loves me and i do feel the same.

The problem now is I'm so obsessive with her, always calling her and SMS her asking where she is and wanting to know what she does all the time and its driving her away, i reallies this but i just cant control myself sometime.

The other night i got drunk and start calling her name and accusing her of things she hasn't done like contacting her ex,
She was deeply hurt by it and i regret it so much and its kills me, i told her how stupid i was and how sorry i am and i really want to change.

But she says she needs time to forgive me, and that we sud see less of each other and stop SmS her so much.

I do still love her very much but i don't think she feel as strongly towards me as she did before and i don't want to loose her.

What can i do? give her room? or is it a bad idea her call her and try and fix things or will that just fan the flame? help

[fawkse]

are you an insecure person? have you had cheating, lies, and other abusive behaviors in some of your past relationships?
your obsessiveness pushed her away.
if you could find a way to relax and understand why you are acting out, then you will learn how to keep it under control (for the most part, i slip sometimes myself)
for now since the damage is done, tell her you are sorry. give her the space she asked for.
this will be hard. if you have the impulse to have to talk to her while this time away is going on, use a journal, and write out many personal letters to her... she may never get them, but you will feel better.
as for you being drunk, you were drunk. tell her you are very sorry that you lost control of yourself and you lashed out on her. keep it short, and just say 'baby, i was drunk, and i had no control over being an asshole at that time.'
it will take a while for her to forgive you.
i have verbally assulted my fiance a few times when i was drunk. i have said many things that i can't even remember. he also has a few times when he was drunk verbally attacked me.
our key motive to forgiving eachother here is that we both were drunk during the fit. we had the lack of being in control of ourselves. so now, when one of us slips into that drunken state, the other actually babysits and comforts the other. it's not always a pretty picture, but after the other sobers up, we are back to our loving selves.
i shared that item my relationship with you in hopes that you and your girlfriend can try that approach the next time one of you get's too drunk to control your mouth.
i would give her some time to be mad. it's hard to have a person become clingy in a relationship.
she doesn't feel that it is healthy, and in some cases it's not.
i know it's hard to be in your shoes. you regret all that you have done. you feel guilty, and all you can think about is how you can fix it.
the best way to fix the problem is to aggree with her in some time away. hopefully, she will miss you and come back into the relationship with a smile and kiss.
journalling will get your immediate irrational thoughts out without causing personal harm to either of you. it may even start helping you ratioanlize your fears.
good luck