True Storey that needs help. i need advice if you can

[chris9299]

hi dan and Jennifer,
chris here from Auburn wa not to far from seattle anyways i need some help and i am going to fill you in and this is going to true what is going on. the names i am going to give you are real this is just going to be a little bit long. but i need help i have no idea what to do. here is the low down of whats going on i have been seeing this girl name Krystal for a year in a hafe. we started to hang out with this guy name josh we all met off of myspace but i met krystal a long time befor my friend josh did. even thoe they were sending comments back and fourth but i took it and ran with the ball i met krystal with her best friend and then her best friend did not like me at the time because i smoked and she was jellouse that i krystal was hanging dateing me a lot more. then i found out that her best friend was takeing avange of her and things got a little out of controll and her friend was trying to brake us up in that time me and krystal were fighting. because of her best friend. so we got that some what talked about and we handalled it. then when we all were hanging out. we met our other friend his name is josh and me josh and krystal were very close we went on trips we hang out at each others houses. well when me and krystal were dateing we all went on a trip to dallas TX for american idol try outs last summer where i did not get past the first round so we were there for like 3 to 4 days then. when we got back from the trip it all started to happen with josh where josh was hanging out with us and i started to see a big change in him and so did other friends of ours but the only 1 who could not see it was krystal. he would be flirting with krystal and be grabing her and flirting with her. i started to say something haveing a couple talks with him. i did do my part of krystals boy friend to keep up my part and so josh would never ever here me and he was like ok ok ok ok i think it was to shut me up most of the time. now krystal moved to branson MO where she had to move there for personl reasons. so me and her were like ok we will do this long disstince. we did. then when me and josh got invited out there to see her because she wantd josh to come out to. because all 3 of us were that close even thoe there were some problems going on with me and josh and there were some rocky points. when we went out there to see my GF at the time Krystal he was flirting around with her. once again and this time he did not here a word i was saying. he did not back off Krystal did not see it but i did. i told her lots of times this is what he is doing and he was doing it. and it really caused me to fly off the handall and freek out to the point where i called krystal a bitch. and that caused us have a fight that josh caused because he could not keep his hands off of her and back off once again. so josh left because he flew in befor i did. and then i was going to leave late at night so i could spend sometime with krystal insted of that we ended staying up all night and dealing and then i told her something that happen to me where there were things happening like for 1 i told her i got arrested for something that happen when i was going to college prior and i did not tell her tell that morning so i kept it a secret for like 4 months because my mom was telling me not to tell krystal & so was the lywer that i had and i was going to court. with this to where when i left it was my birthday and she broke up with me and we both said we needed a brake so we took a brake from the end of november to when she came back out here in febuary we were planing on working on things. but befor she came out we had a fight because my sister contacted krystal and told krystal was wrong for doing what she did and my sister was upset with krystal but she also told krystal that i had bipoler thats something krystal did not know yet because i just was diagnosed with it befor i met krystal so it was new to me i did not know how to controll it when i was dateing her. so she never knew intell my sister said something and krystal was like wow um yea to where it was like droping a bomb shell on her. so krystal was mad at me for me never telling her. so she asked things about it. and we talked about it. now reason why i did not want to tell her was because i was Afraid to so i did not. not intell i knew more how to deal with it and controll it and so after that and when we were going to work on things when we came out so its like we got into a little fight. then when she came out here we were supost work on things but we did not. because josh was allready starting to work his charm on her so 1 night she went out to see him at his place. and she kept on asking me if i wanted to come. i said no just go and she said i was supost to say no anyways then since i knew she was on her way out. i got another friend got on the buss went over there. and when we went over i saw them kissing in the car. so where i was shocked stund freekd out hurt. that josh got to her. and so when a really really big big fight happen after like 4 to five days of this. they thought we worked it all out and josh thought it was ok for him to be dateing my ex GF and so when that happen i kept on saying this is not ok this is not right its not right for a friend to be dateing my ex and he decited since we had that fight in MO the friendship was rocky so did i but we were working on things. and with that he did what he did and i felt like it was wrong so the night of valintimes day she was over at my place where we had sex where it was fun i loved it but she said her and josh were not a couple yet tell the day of. and i thought since you both kiss arnt you both toghther now. its like it did not make any since. so when she finished her trip out here after that i guest they were a couple but after valentimes day she was going back and forth to his place and mine his and mine his and mine. i think she was haveing a hard time with it. and i knew if she was going to have something with josh it was way to soon for her to jump in to anything because i was not ready and neather was she i still wanted to work on things. now when she got home and for the last few months up to the point of 2 months a go me and her had phone sex for to many times to count when she was with him to. and she would share a lot with me about him and stuff that i did not know. then 2 months a go befor i went out to see her i told josh everything about what she has said about him. then i told him that she is not a virgin she has had sex with me and cheated on him. now she told him lies to get out of it she was mad at me. that i broke her trust. but it i dont think it was ok for both of them to do what they did to me. so then when when our sex stuff came out josh started to be this bad boy that he is not. and his perv side started to come out way a lot more. then me and krystal had a big talk. and stuff then i went out to see krystal where we bonded a lot more then a lot we had sex to tell you the truth. now in the times where we had sex i told krystal i would not tell josh. but little did i know when i got back from my trip she did something to really upset me and i so told him. and again he did not believe me. and so he and i had a fight then few days later had it all back up and stuff now just last me and krystal like to talk about sex. and sometimes our plans but she said she is in love with josh to where to where i know why josh wants her not because he loves her but he wants her for the sex and he wants her because when we were toghther he never lookd for another gf and when he was around us he was the 3erd wheel. she said with me she was not inlove with me but the thing is. that josh just go back from seeing krystal. the last 2 nights she and i have had phone sex once again then she puts up kissing pics of her and josh and josh does the samething. its like the kinda relashionship i was in he is doing the same stuff. and its like josh is a nice guy kinda but the thing of it is what the hell is going on when i talk to her all day most of the day and i still tell her i love her she cant tell me back just because she is with josh right now. but what is going on when josh does not believe me she is cheating on him with me still ? also she said she wants me to grow up because i dont have a car and i need to work on things right now with life but what is a way i can get her back or does this sound messed up to ?????? & also krystal still calls me baby and hunny when she is not around josh its just me and her and when she is around him she is calling him honey baby and bla bla its like she is talking to me like we are kinda like a couple when we are not and also she does not want to see me with another girl she said that would suck what do i need help and advice ???????? thanks for reading this.
chris

[RRandolph]

Hey Chris,

It sounds like you've been through alot since you met krystal. I know situations like these can be confusing as hell and can break your entire life apart and ruin all your existing relationships.

I dated a beautiful girl years ago with whom I had similar experiences. She would want to be with me but then people would tell me she was hooking up with other guys and she would tell me lies just to stay with me and all kinds of other nonsense. I was emotionally broken down and felt powerless, resorting to manipulation to get love from her just as she was doing to me.

It took me a few years to fully get my head on straight after this but I came to learn some valuable lessons.

The main thing is that I've come to realize that seemingly bad relationships like this are a gift.

The women in our life are extremely good at finding out weaknesses and pointing them out (either by their words or by their actions).

If we are honest, we can learn A TON about ourselves simply by the way women act toward us.

For me I realized a few things:

My gf lied to me constantly. What did this mean? It meant I wasn't honest with her. I looked into the relationship and realized that many of the times I wouldn't be honest with her because I didnt want to upset her or I wanted her to love me or I wanted to get sex from her.

My gf talked bad about me behind my back. What did this mean? It meant that I didn't stand up for myself enough and respect myself enough to cut people out of my life if they didnt treat me well.

My gf flirted with other guys. What did this mean? It means that I was turning into a doormat and letting her walk all over me. She would try to get away with as much as she could to see what me true inner standards are. Where did I draw the line?

Everything she did was a clear message to me about the way I was living.

Initially I blamed her for all this cheating and badmouthing and treating me badly. Eventually though, the truth that I ultimately realized is this:

A woman can only do that which you already do to yourself. If you are honest with yourself, have high standards and treat others well, then you better believe that a girl you are dating will act the same.

When you treat yourself with respect, honor, and love, there is no way in hell that someone else is going to come into your life and treat you badly. By definition, allowing someone to treat you in a negative way is not honoring and loving yourself.

So what to do?

For me, its all about the relationship with my self. I had to go in a face lots of places where I had been manipulative or hurtful to others. I learned to forgive and let go of emotional hurts. I learned to be honest about others. I learned to find love from myself and not NEED it from anyone (that is a big one).

What ended up happening?

I developed some standards in my life with women:

-I only like women that like me. If I have to DO things to impress or convince them to like me, I immediately let go.

-I do not accept any manipulative or needy behavior from women. If there is a sort of wishy washy relationship that they are kind of with me and kind of not, I end it immediately. I only accept love and respect, I'm not some playtoy they can use whenever they are feeling down.

-I am completely honest with women. If they dont like it, thats ok with me. If they dont want to be with me, I honor their choice. I cant live their life, I can onlylive mine.

A practical tool I've used to get over my old relationships is EFT.

EFT - How to Overcome Any Fear in Minutes with this Emotional Freedom Technique | Yang Town

If I were in your shoes, I would ask myself what I clearly want in terms of a relationship with a woman. Then I would make a commitment to myself to accept nothing less than that.

Have you been honest with yourself about Josh and Krystal?

Have you been needy or manipulative with either Josh or Krystal?

She says you shouldnt see other women yet she's been stringing you along. Is that acceptable to you?

It all comes down to having integrity to yourself. The outside world reflects whats on the inside.

Hope that helps, all the best.

Ryan