Friends with benefits/relationships

[ice*dancer]

Let me give you a little break down to get your views.... I'll try to keep it short and simple

I met a guy at work (I am no longer working with him now)

We have hooked up a few times for sex but he insists that he is not ready for a relationship. He went through a break up late last year, was engaged and it just fell apart. This was with a girl from work.

We at first had 2 occasions that we were intimate but did not go all the way. At that point he backed off and decided we shouldn't do anything more.

About a month later we approached this again and this time did have sex. After 2 times he once again decided no more, in his words "if we wanted to remain friends, anything sexual would not help that"

Two weeks passed and he approached me again, wanting sex. I agreed to it but at first mentioned him saying that he didn't want to do it anymore. He said that he just doesn't want to lead me on, because he doesn't want a relationship and he knows that I do. I had agreed previous to this to keep in simple, sex with no commitments. (It had been 5 years without sex for me, I really wanted it)

I really feel like I am setting myself up for a heartbreak, because I do want more. I think deep down he likes me but is just having second thoughts or something.

What do you think? Am I being used? I wonder if he is saying he's not ready for a relationship because its easier to say that, than to turn me down.

I feel like if he wasn't at least somewhat attracted to me he would have never had sex with me in the first place. Your input would be appreciated!! Thanks!

[fawkse]

well sex with a friend can cause exactly what you feel right now. this is harsh, but you should have not had any more sex with this guy after you realized that you felt this way.
casual sex should mean casual sex.
you can do one of two things. you can tell him that you want a relationship if he continues to want your body. or you can tell him flat out no. both sound the same, and that is becuase you need to stop putting yourself out there for him to use and hurt. you are better than that.
given his choices, you will be able to judge for yourself if he at all has any real feeling for you by his actions.
please be catious if he say's yes to a dating relationship. you will be futher a head in the fact that you care, and he may just be using this as a way to get what he wants.
i really feel that you are going to end up hurting here. i may be wrong, but it's just my theory.
good luck
~fawkse~

[lisaq]

I have to agree. I don't see this going anywhere for a couple of reasons. The first thing that strikes me is that this guy is Mr. Unavailable. They'll pull that old "I'm not ready for a relationship" thing in a heartbeat if they think it'll get them what they want. He wanted sex; not a relationship. By protesting too much, he gets what he wants...his cake and eat it too. You feel bad for him making you vulnerable.

This is especially true given the fact that he's doing the old push and pull you routine. I can't, but oh wait I still want sex. And all the while he's protesting because he knows you want what he doesn't. Except he still wants to get laid. By acting as if he just can't help himself, he's setting you up. He'll continue to blow hot and cold until you stop him in his tracks girl.

Deep down he may like you, but not enough for a relationship. If he did, that's what you would be having. The odds that he'll decide he is ready and wants to be in a relationship with you are slim to none. Of course he's attracted, but attracted and wanting a relationship are two completely different things.

As fawkse said, I hate to be harsh but I have seen this too many times. You're best bet is to cut contact, heal and move on. Quickly. The longer this goes on, the worse you're going to feel about yourself.

[ice*dancer]

He did go through a bad break up a year ago...was engaged to be married and things fell apart when the girl wasn't really willing to give her full half of to the relationship. He was in love but she didn't take it seriously enough.

[fawkse]

sweetie, all of us go through the break up of our life at one point or another. it takes us time and grieving to heal.
he is still healing, and he has been honest with you about his intentions. i feel that you are still clutching to the idea things can change...
be his friend, but please don't allow yourself to be hurt anymore. it's not likely he is going to change his mind at this time. there really isn't anything you can do to make him give you the relationship you desire with him.
if he wanted to explore that option with you, you woulnd't be sitting here defending his ways.
good luck,
~fawkse~