He had phone sex with his ex. Break up?

[LoveinOhio]

He had phone sex with the girl he first dated 4 years ago. They have been broke up and have had different relationships for the 4 years. About 3 months ago, I saw naked photos of her on his phone, after long debate I decided to give him another chance.

I want to add this: We have been dating for 10 months, I know he is a great guy, we've known each other since High school and we are both 22 now. So I do believe he cares deeply for me and I do for him.

Last night I couldnt resist the temptation to look at his phone, they had sent basically porn videos and pictures to each other one night (about 2 weeks ago). I was calm with him. He said sorry but what else can he say. He explained he still has feelings for her, but then he also said he has feelings for a lot of people. He said he thinks about our future a lot and that he loves me. I told him this was probably the end for us, he didnt want to hear that and left.

I made the point to him that I think its rediculous that he is still doing this with her, and that he is going to damage every relationship that he has.

I am going crazy trying to think if I should stay with him or not. If i stay,: most likely ill be worried all the time, and I think he will continue doing this with her but being sure to erase it after. If i leave, ill be upset and want him back but never say anything.

How do I handle this?

[K. in Cleveland]

To me, it sounds like he isn't willing to let her go. Whether he has deep feelings for her and really loves her, or if he just wants to be a player does not really matter. If you are in the relationship to be exclusive, then his behavior is out of line. If you have not set the boundary that you are supposed to be exclusive, tell him. Let him know you are only interested in him, and if he cannot show exclusive interest in you then there is no future there. He does not sound like he is ready to be exclusive. It sucks, but sometimes we have to leave those we love, for our own good.... and ultimately, the good of both parties. It is much better to be sad now and not live through a hectic relationship later.

[Spar]

Ask him does he love you and stare into each other's eyes. If he breaks contact then it's because he can't truthfully admit it. If he does then say to him if he truly loves you he won't see her again and will block all contact with her. If he really really loves you this will be easy for him. You can't love (eros) more than 1 person without there being competition and jealousy even if not intended by anyone.
My personal opinion is:
Break up, he's had 2 chances and he should be grateful for that. I'm sure you will find someone else who will truly love you and you will love them too and realise that you didn't truly love him either. Love is out there for everyone. Sometimes it comes to you, sometimes you go find it. Sometimes it runs away and sometimes it suffocates you. Some people give up too early and settle but even if they don't know it, both people aren't truly happy and sometimes they realise this and break up but it's too late to find their soulmate, some people start looking too late and focus on other things for their time. Some people don't see what they have and look past their soulmate in search of them. Sometimes people forget what they have, sometimes people covet others' love too much. You need to forget about the past if he doesn't and decide how you want love to be. You're still young and have plenty of time for him to come to you or you to find him. Good luck