Recently connected with a long lost relative

[donnadogood]

they confided they are into BDSM and I told them no big deal, it's their life and yet the communication between us is very strained. I want to stay in touch, but my relative seems to just want to talk about the sexual "scene" that they are into. Any advice will be very much appreciated!! Thanks

[kettlekorn]

What kind of advice are you looking for? How to talk to them about BDSM? I guess you could do some research before talking to them, or you could ask them questions about BDSM.

[donnadogood]

No, you misunderstood, I've done research on BDSM and I don't have a problem with accepting that is their choice. I just want to have a relationship with a long lost cousin....and it seems as if all they want to talk about is BDSM.

[kettlekorn]

Yeah, I wasn't really sure what you were asking so I was trying to get clarification. Do you know what other hobbies/interests they have? Are there any common interests? What about talking about other family members? Or about children if they have any? I don't know if this is the case, but if I were your relative, I would have kept BDSM mostly private and would be so excited to have someone to talk to about it now and that might be why he/she is talking about it all the time. I don't know if this helps at all... but I want to try

[donnadogood]

That's the BIG problem, they don't want to talk about interests, hobbies, nothing personal (other than the involvement with BDSM) Living under the same roof as wife but different bedrooms, has a son, but doesn't seem to have a good relationship, and I'm the only family member to know about involvement with BDSM and told him, no big deal whatever makes you happy.

[kettlekorn]

So do you want to talk to them about something other than their sex scene and don't know how to get them to? You could tell them how important they are to keep in touch, and hope to learn about __fill in the blank__ in their lives. You could ask them questions in a different way than just repeating the same thing over and over again. Have you visited them? Their house would probably have clues to guide a conversation. Like "when/where did you take this photograph?"