What should I do???

[Squirrel in CA]

OK. The details:

In my 40's. Been in exclusive relationship for 3 1/2 years with wonderful man. Got engaged a year ago...although I think he wasn't completely on-board. Made some wedding plans and set date. 5 months before date, he said he wasn't ready and need time. Asked that I didn't bring up topic for a few months. I did that. I brought up topic several months later and he still wasn't ready to resume wedding plans and set a new date. I stopped wearing my engagement ring. I was feeling more and more confused, sad and angry. I started reflecting that in our encounters. Several more months after that it came up again. He said that he still wanted to get married but there were a bunch of little reasons why he wasn't ready yet. His reasons were ridiculous! (example: The economy isnt that good right now etc.) He told me he could not give me a date and didn't know when he would be able to. I told him that, to me, that could mean years! He didn't deny that. I love this man and it's the best relationship I've ever had. Except for the current situation of course. I've become sad, bitchy and it's hard for me to even be intimate with him. He acts as if nothing is wrong, plans vacations for us and plans with friends and family too. What should I do? I don't want to wait forever and I just don't trust that he will EVER be ready!

[scarbowl]

The more you insist the more he will resist. Setting a deadline isn't going to get you there.

I suggest you decide whether you can be with this guy forever even if you don't get married. If the answer is no then you should leave him. If the answer is yes then you should stay with him and perhaps one day you will marry one another.

You just can't assume he will ever want to marry.

An ultimatum here would be a bad thing. If he married under duress he would always hold it against you. Just decide whether you can stay with him if you never marry.

[rob]

There are a number of causes, which could be solved if you knowwhat they are

I hope this doesn't hurt you, but he may be cheating on you. It fits.
He doesn't want to get married-is he insecure, afraid of commitment?

The first ii'm not sure about how to solve, you need to ask him, but that's a last resort. For the second, ask him if you want to visit a psychologist or something to help.

[jloveland]

He needs to give you a date and if he cant provide that and if you dont have kids with him then you need to get rid of him because hes just not worth fighting for if he cant committ to you all the way. My man and I have a kid and while he says we will marry in the future, Im not waiting 10 years so Im taking it into my own hands and proposing this february.

[FemaleOrgasm]

Read "The Rules" by Ellen Fein because she's an expert on how to get a husband.