Not feeling loved by my partner

[Krista]

My bf has been deployed over seas for almost a year. We had some problems before he left due to him having been laid off and fighting for his daughter at the same time. He tended to push me away and out of his life. When he left for his deployment he realized what he had done.

Since he has been gone now, things seem to have gotten very tense between us. He doesn't show his emotions or love for me very much anymore. I ask to see him via cam and to talk to me every day and he has a problem with that. I understand that he is busy and has a lot on his plate while over there. I understand that there are days he just doesn’t want to be bothered or be seen.

What I don’t understand is why he closes me off, or pushes me away. The arguments seem to have gotten worse lately. When he was home on leave, things were good between us, but when he went back, its like things just went into a downward spiral.

I try to get him to understand what I am missing from him. That he doesn't express his love for me very much anymore. And that at times I feel insignificant to him and ignored. He told me that I am trying to control him and that I'm smothering him, I just don’t understand how....

When we get into arguments he has a tendency to lead me to believe that he is going to breakup with me. He sometimes says some very hurtful things to me as well. I always let him know that I am there for him and love him, even after a fight. He is not able to do the same for me it seems.

Here recently he told me that when his deployment is over that he needs a vacation to himself, without me. I told him that it really upset me that I have been waiting for almost a year for him to be home. That I don’t understand how me being with him would keep him from clearing his mind after all that he has been through. He doesn’t want to see my side or point of view. I almost feel like I should not have a say in this.

I would understand if we were just dating, but we are in a committed relationship. He even asked me to marry him and gave me a ring before he left to go over seas. He said he was not going to change his mind about this vacation and that I can just deal with it or not.

I told him that I can’t believe that he wouldn’t want to spend that time with me to relax with me, to reconnect and get to know each other again before he has to get back to the real life of being home. He wants this vacation for himself, and I don’t understand how me being with him, wouldn’t be for him.

Maybe I am just very confused, hurt and heartbroken. If anyone can help, please do.

[Alexstrandberg]

how was the relationship before he left and before he lost his job?

[Krista]

Before he got laid off from his job, our relationship was great. He was always showing his love for me with emotions and words. He always wanted to be close to me and spend time with me and our sex life was GREAT. After he got laid off before he left, things started to become stressed between us. He started to pull away from me, not wanting to spend much time with me and our sex life started to die. Because I felt him pulling away from me I would try to get closer to him, and he told me I was smothering him. So we started to argue about everything. Not having sex, him pulling away from me. But at the same time, I never once gave him a hard time about not having a job, and I always supported him and tried to help him out with everything. So with him pulling from me and all I felt like everything I did was left unappreciated.

When he first left for his deployment he told me he realized how he had pulled away from me and regretted it. That he would have never for gave himself if I would have left him because of the way he was towards me.