When to seek professional advice/therapy?

[squirrel]

Hello,

I'm brand-spankin' new here, and I just watched Dan and Jenn's video on staying in a sexless marriage, which was very interesting.

We've been married 15 years, and our marriage isn't sexless, my wife and I have sex at least weekly. However, for at least the last 5 years, probably more like 8, 95% of the time it's "for me only", which is emotionally totally unsatisfying. Though it does take the physical edge off. The remaining 5% can be FANTASTIC, but it's so hit or miss, even when I keep track of her cycle.

My wife has had her hormone levels checked (in the "normal" range, though towards the low side), she doesn't have any history of abuse, and I do what I can to make sure she gets the rest she needs.

So, at what point do I drag her with me to therapy? Also, how expensive is therapy?

I greatly appreciate any advice y'all can provide.

[kettlekorn]

From my understanding, you wouldn't be able to "drag" her to therapy because therapy only works when the person wants to be helped. Have you talked to her about getting therapy and what does she think about it? Also, what kind of therapy are you looking for (together or individually)?

[squirrel]

Thanks for the response KettleKorn!

I've talked to my wife about this, and have tried to express that this is REALLY important to me. And she said she was willing to try therapy, so "dragging" probably wouldn't be necessary.

With that said, I'm just wondering if the expense both in money and in time (the most precious commodity) is justified, or if I'm just expecting too much.

I'm just extremely frustrated. We have a good marriage everywhere outside the bedroom, but I do feel myself drifting apart from her.

[kettlekorn]

I'm glad that your partner is willing to go to therapy with you! You're very lucky and I say that because my parents should go to couples therapy but my mom refuses (I think it really hurts their relationship, they could learn so much about each other through therapy). I would make sure that you find the right kind of therapy and then the right therapist. There are so many options to choose from, and just my personal opinion, there are some bad therapists and some really good therapists... but I don't know how you could figure out which one would work for you. If you are feeling frustrated and drifting away, then you should try therapy. (I'm not saying it'll fix everything, I don't know your specific situation.)

[squirrel]

Thanks for the affirmation, KettleKorn.