How do I help my girlfriend get over her ex?

[kkubena]

My girlfriend and I have been together since November 9, 2008 and everything was great until mid January. She started saying she just wanted to be alone for a while but we weren't over. After a week she said she was over that and missed me and she was ready to be together again. Well that last until Feb. 10. Now she tells me that she wants to move on and except being happy with me but she isn't over her ex....she wants to be able to go on and be with me. Now I have had my heart broken several times but not like this, the way we feel for eachother is just unspeakable. She has changed me in so many way and I really want to help her and get her through this, I am asking for any advice I can get. I want to go on with our relationship. Anyone please feel free to give any adive you have.

Thanks,

[Exavion]

How old are you two?

I assume he broke up with her?

Did she start to date you right after it ended with him?

What kind of guy is he, if you know?

[Beagle]

I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what she wants at this moment. This is one of those situations where it's best to back off but stay in contact and just see where things go. She needs to resolve her feelings about this ex before she's ready for another relationship. What you want to avoid is making her your emotional support system, because she's too flighty at this point. You need to establish activities with friends and see other girls so that's she's not the focal point of your life. She's just not stable enough for commitment at this point.

[kkubena]

I'm 20 and shes 23. He did break up with her after 2 years. They broke up September 8 and we got together November 9.

[kkubena]

She went and seen him last night and he told her that 'maybe' they have another chance. I don't know what to do, it's breaking my heart over and over again.

[Beagle]

Look, man to man, you need to take the boot you're wanting her to give him and give it to her. She needs to know that you're not going to play second fiddle.

When I was starting to date, my mom told me that the way to make a girl lose respect for a guy is for her to see "that she can do him any way she wants to." You need to stop calling, stop emailing, and let's see if she misses you then.

[kkubena]

Oh I have man, she made it through half a day. I told her lets see how long she can go without talking to me and she started calling like 5 hours later, I didn't answer until late that night. I really don't know what to do.

[kkubena]

I can't just give her the boot cause I love her more than anything, I have loved before but not like this. I guess I should just wait around and see what happens.

[Beagle]

What you're doing is basically agreeing to be a doormat. In your next relationship, remember how this feels so you never make this mistake again.

Here is a link to an excellent article by Alex Strausberg. He tells it like it is.


Recovering From Being a “Nice” Guy | Inner Game Reframe

[kkubena]

He never was a jerk to her, he just doesn't want to be with her. I know he really doesn't but he just don't want to tell her. She wants to move on but she just says that she isn't over him, she has tried to be but she can't be with me when she still thinks about him when we are together. She told me that sometimes when I hold her she wishes it was him.