Relationship based on an affair

[Angie]

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My current partner and I are in a relationship of about 9 months which is based on an affair. He was in a relationship for 2 years before we started messing around. I was single. We both developed feelings for one another, and he ended his relationship with his previous girlfriend. The problem is that he harbors a lot of guilt and blame. He says he no longer loves his ex, which I believe, but he has a hard time moving forward with me because he feels he wants to be happy but doesn't deserve to be for what he did in the previous relationship. I want for us to move forward, and he goes along fine for a while doing this but then something just "grabs" him and he steps back. He says he loves me and wants to work on our relationship and make it last, but he frequently is plagued with guilt and shame. He blames me as well as himself. What do I do?

Angie

[Dan And Jennifer]

I'm not sure what's causing the extreme feeling of guilt and blame, but you should allow him to feel the feelings... Don't try to make him "get over it" and "move on". Try to be patient with him and let him deal with these feelings on a deep level. That's the only way he will truly be able to move on.

9 months is a very short time, so be patient.