HELP my husband wants...

[missbethb]

My husband wants to bring another woman into our relationship to "spice" things up and have a 3 way. I am not into this and have told him so. But he says I can choose the other girl. That doesn't help because I fear that if we bring someone else in he will begin to like that other girl too and I would be concerned, what if he leaves me for that other more open girl. What do I do? I want to make my husband happy but I like our sex life as just him and me.

concerned wife,
bethany

[stephen]

Communication needs to be in this conversation. He needs to know where you are coming from. If he does not understanmd then he needs to deveolpe his coomunication skill and deliver to your and his satisfaction. Communicate

[Beagle]

I personally know three couples that split up due to experiences like this that went wrong. If you're not comfortable with the idea, then it's not a good idea. You and he need to have a very up-front conversation about this one and see if you can reach a solution that makes you both comfortable. Many marriages seem to do well in the swinging scene, which is ultimately what this is. However, you do need to know that swinging is a high-risk activity for couples. I'm a counselor, and unfortunately I see the ones who experience the horror stories.

[DaniMarie]

1. Don't be talked into it! It can be a horrible idea.
2. It is easier for guys to separate sex and love. They don't go together and having sex with other people doesn't have to change how you feel about each other.
3. Often times women have a hard time having a threesome with another woman because of jealousy issues. These feelings often come from our own insecurities with our bodies, our relationships, and in your case it sounds like a fear that you can't please your husband because you have a hard time being "open" (as you say, though I think you are really falling in a fairly common place).

A lot of guys have fantasies about being with two women at once and or seeing their woman with another woman...however, if it is something that bothers you then you need to tell him and let him know you just can't do it. Tell him how you feel and make sure that you only do it if it is something you will enjoy.

[ValorNET]

I'm in the same circumstance as your husband. Yeah, usually it's a security issue. My GF claims she hasn't ruled it out, it's just not likely. Tell him to make you feel more comfortable with it (and that it might takes years for him to prove his fidelity), and maybe eventually, you'll DO it. Until then, tell him you're CONSIDERING it. Never say never, because that's the worst idea - having being told what you CANNOT do with YOUR own life! I personaly really want to see my GF with another girl. It isn't something I would really want to be with random girls, although I wouldn't complain, but the other girl I would like to have a relationship with as well. More of a permanent thing. There are many benefits to having intimate relationships with more than just one other person, but also more pit-falls. Such as your ties being more developed and knowing each other better, for a longer time. But new people bring new aspects and perspectives too. You just may like it alot more than he does. It's a fantasy, sure, but if it became reality, it may not work as expected because life and it's combinations are explosive chemistry.