Why won't he finally give me an engagement ring? It's important to me

Hi Dan & Jennifer, I've been with by BF for 2.5 years - both divorced with kids. I am moving an hour away from my work & family to be closer to him.

Thing is, now that I have shown my commitment by buying a house and moving closer to him, I would like for him to show his and give me a ring. We don't intend to marry for several years yet but I would love that we are sharing with our children & families that we 'intend' to one day. I am taking a huge step and it would be a wonderful representation of his efforts if we could have that symbol. Marriage is not important to him as he feels committed without that.

How do I share that a ring is not just a material object to me, without pushing him away?

[swngl.chick]

Brace yourself, for this may come across as a bit of a "tough love" response. ;-)

On the one hand, you say "we don't intend to marry for several years", but then "Marriage is not important to him as he feels committed without that".

So, is there actually an agreement to marry here or not? Has he formally proposed, or otherwise committed to marrying you on a specific date (or at least, within a specific year) in the future?

And, you say you're "buying a house and moving closer to him" - does that mean you're not even going to be living together after the move?

Did he ask you to make this move, or is this something you decided to do on your own? Or, are the two of you buying this house together (which would actually be a pretty big commitment in itself)?

To sum up where I'm going with all these questions, unless he has:

1) proposed or otherwise verbalized an agreement to actually marry you within a specific and limited timeframe, and/or
2) asked you to move closer to him in anticipation of getting married within a specific and limited timeframe, and/or
3) bought this house with you for both of you to live in together in anticipation of getting married within a specific and limited timeframe

then there's no commitment, nor any sign (so far) of an intention to make a commitment, on his part here that would make it logical to demand or even expect an engagement ring from him anytime soon.

All of which leaves me wondering why you have disrupted your own life (and the lives of your children if they live with you) to move closer to him without having said ring on your finger already.

[Dan And Jennifer]

You should never do something for someone you love with the expectation of something in return unless they - I get the feeling that you may be feeling angry at him for a decision that you made independently. Please feel free to correct me if my assumptions are wrong.

I believe that you can share your intentions with your family without a ring, or symbol, or contract. Hopefully it's obvious that you love one another purely by your interactions. I'm sure that your family wants you to be HAPPY more than they want you to be MARRIED. (at least I hope so)

How do I share that a ring is not just a material object to me, without pushing him away?

Tell him just like you told us - in terms of your feelings. do not try to make it about him or making it his fault. This will unlikely get the results you're hoping for.

I think that you need to accept if he does not want to give you a ring - it should be a gift given freely - not a bargaining chip or demand. A ring will not change how he feels about you and should not change how you feel about him

[sarahmartn]

If i was there in that position then i would have given my Engagement ring to my Wife,so that she can remember me and my kids and can come back to my life,ill be waiting for her to receive.