i cant seem to move on?

this one going to be a long one.
ok so i was dateing the most amazing girl i have ever been with. we clicked soo well. we were perfect. but everything around us wasnt. she was friends with alot of guys that ended up be closet cases head over heals for her. she didnt whant to lose them as friends and yet she didnt whant to be with them eather. so she had us go silent for a bit so she can get all these guys off her back. the reson for this was because these guys were saying really mean things to her and for such good friendss they were being really jerkish tword her. bleive me i whanted to kick every one of there ass's, but she wouldnt let me. so. things wernt really working outside of our relatinoship, and she had us go on a break till things cleared up. well in that time i had alot of time thinking threw things and somerandom thought like "was this an excuse to break up?" and all sorts of things? so spring break rolls around and i go on a cruise. well i end up hooking up with this girl kassie. and i only did it once. i didnt really whant to again. but just the once was bad enough. oh we didnt have sex, but anyway. i end up telling jessica. she was furious. she said stuff like we could probably never be friends again? u no how bad that made me feal? i was devastated. so i had to think quick, whats the best way to help my situation. i ended up lieing to her, telling her that i made the whole story up because i whanted to know that if i ended up cheating on her how she would react? i told her that i just did that to see if she would drop me or take me back? and i told her i didnt think it would have devistated her like it did? well. that kinda worked, she belived my lie, and we ended up somewhat friends. well she then found another guy who she denied, the other guy said he was in a relationship with her. jessica lied, and whatnot, so i figured shes just trying to get over me. well. im still sulking, i havnt hooked up with any other girls because i dont whant to get over jessica? i was soo close to being in love with that girl, i thought she was actualy the one. and hooking up with the girl on the cruise just proved it for me? (i no stupid logic) but now hears my epidemic. its almost 3 months after we broke it off, and she cheated on her current boyfriend. she was drunk or something at a party and made out with some random guy. well now shes kinda fealing simpethetic for me, becuase what she did to him was way worse then what i did to her? we were on a break when i hooked up with that girl?
so now jess is flirting with me somewhat, but she still has a boyfriend. and in the process of this about 2 weeks abo, i posibly found the girl to get over jess once and for all. kendra, shes sweet and great and whanting a relationship with me. but, im still not over jess. and her flirting is holding me back. alot, i would love to have a relationship with kendra, and start anew. but i cant seem to make a move on kendra? shes practicly told me i can make a move when ever. but i cant? because if jessica..........if jessica dumped her boyfriend tonight and asked me to come back to her, i would. but its not likely to happen. so i guess, my problem is this. should i weight it out? and stay with hopeing jessica will come back to me? or just move on with my life and try something with kendra?
oh, and before i end it. i just whant to say, i have never felt more alive and active then when im with jessica, she always brings out the best in me, and thats why she is so special to me. i whant to atleast keep her as my friend. but i cant but help wanting more?

what should i do? jessica was perfect. and im to afraid of exspecting to much from my next relationship, and i cant do that to kendra.

[Dan And Jennifer]

First, Take a breath...

You are right for not wanting to get involved in a new relationship until you've resolved you feelings for Jessica. If I were in your shoes, I would try to move on because it sounds like that relationship was questionable at best. Lots of highs and lows...

And ironically those can be the hardest ones to get over because there's noramally lots of intense emotions. It can be hard to let go, but if you don't, you'll just end up emotionally exhausted at some point - 2 months or 2 years.

I can't tell you what to do, but in your shoes, I would move on, give myself time to heal, and then look for a more stable relationship.

[K. in Cleveland]

I agree with D&J. I can also say, in my experience, usually the partner who freaks out the most at any possible signs on infidelity, or who accuses the other of cheating, is usually hiding a guilty conscience. This is actually human psychology at it's best. If I blame you for what I'm doing, you'll feel bad and won't accuse me of doing it. Now, I don't want to say that Jessica was cheating on you before you broke up, I don't know her. I'm just saying that this has been my experience.
But I definitely would try to move on. It sounds like you are quite young (speaking about Spring break) and believe me, relationships like this come and go. And yes, the rollercoaster relationships are the hardest to get over. It's more of a law of chemical than romance in this case. You get hooked on the adrenaline and other fun neurotransmitters that one of these relationships causes, and in turn, it is interpreted as inflated feelings for the partner.
(OK, so maybe I enjoy studying psychology, sorry if I got a little technical)

I hope you can get over Jessica and eventually move on to a more even, emotionally stable relationship. Oh, and this part kinda sucks, but usually it is best to make a clean break and not try to be friends. Being friends after a relationship breakup tends to lead back to the merry-go-round ride of on again/off again relationships.

Hope this helps,
K. in Cleveland