Virginity in a relationship...

[blue.and.green.eyes]

I have been with my girlfriend for a while now. We know each other and we are getting more confident with each other, so we recently have been speaking about sex and making love.

I am a virgin and so is she. However I guess my upbringing has always made me think that "true love waits" and all that stuff. I have always been confident with my decitions and actions, and I still think that it is posible (though not easy) to wait till marriage to have sex. I know it sounds truly old fashioned, and I guess it is, but it has always been who I am I guess.

I know I truly love her, and I definately am attracted to her! I know she wants us to take this great step, but still I guess my paradigms are too strong on me. Should I change everything I've known? Should I have sex with her? Or, what should I do?

thanks.

[Beagle]

blue.and.green.eyes: Welcome to the forums. What a great question you're asking. I think it's great that you and she are talking openly about these things.

Our society sends young people a lot of mixed messages: "Be pure, wait until marriage, be a virgin on your wedding day; but there's something wrong with you if you aren't having sex."

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you believe or your paradigms. Sexual freedom means the right to make your own choices. It doesn't mean that you have to jump into bed with someone because that's what they do on TV.

There are a lot of positives to the old values of abstinence before marriage. No method of birth control, even surgical sterilization, is 100%. All methods have a failure rate. Also, I know it feels like you're meant for each other, but there is no guarantee you and she will end up married. I had my first sexual experience with a girl I was engaged to and then we ended up breaking up. It was important for me to only have one sexual partner for a lifetime, and I was very sad when I knew that that could never happen. There are a lot of advantages to waiting.

If you and she choose to proceed with sexual activity, I'm glad that you and she have thought this totally through. it's important to talk about the good and the bad things that can happen. Ultimately, it this choice belongs to you and she. This is a conversation that only you and she can have. I hope I've given you some things to consider.

Best wishes for the two of you.

[blue.and.green.eyes]

Thanks a lot Beagle!

I guess it's true about mixed signals, it really gets confusing sometimes. I'm glad I found this site and you people, it really calms me down to see different perspectives.

Thank you!!!