Are we scared, in love, or is it just a convenience?

[justanothergirl]

How do I begin, how about a quick outline on time and habits.

length: over 10 years

together: 1 to 2 times a year except in the last 3 years, just one date that has led to this email. We would run in to each other at annual events

Attitude before we are together both of us: long lost loves, playful, fun, happy energetic, best friends, catch up on old times etc...

His friends, my friends attitudes: Again! when are you going to just be boyfriend and girlfriend, you two are too much alike

In the bedroom: Non stop, on a scale of 1-10, 20 and that is from both of us

after math both of us: confused, distant, no phone contact, always respectful and kind to each other

Most recent date:
he calls me after not being with him or seeing him after 3 years? I go on the date, we are both nervous, stressed, uncomfortable, he drank a lot. He spoke a lot on the phone and at the date about what he has accomplished and what he wants to accomplish.

We go to his place, we relax a bit, or he does, he settles down, I'm still uncomfortable and have my guard up, I only had one drink, he drank more when we got to his home. Finally, we are together. Sex is good, but not ultimate, he acted real nervous not his usual self, later in the early morning, we ar together again, we click, its a 20, when we are done I lay down next to him and he jumps up and walks through the house, goes outside, he's only gone a few minutes, then he comes back to bed, that morning he's quiet, but polite, does the whole coffee thing, I avoid eye contact because I know I'm getting all the old feelings back. We don't talk much only about what we are doing at that time, nothing extra. He watches me a lot, however, every time I catch him watching me, he looks away real quick? We go our own way, no phone call from him. I make the first move? I call him, leave a message, 2 days later he calls me, he apolgizes sympathetically for not calling sooner we get disconnected, thats it! No phone call since??????

So tell me what you think? what is it that he and I are doing? I am at the point in my life, where I just want a boyfriend a relationship, someone to have fun with be friends with and have great love making sessions. I stress love making as anytime I refer to he and I having sex, he corrects me or states make love? Just some instight on both of us would be nice.

[K. in Cleveland]

Originally Posted by justanothergirl

How do I begin, how about a quick outline on time and habits.

length: over 10 years

together: 1 to 2 times a year except in the last 3 years, just one date that has led to this email. We would run in to each other at annual events

Attitude before we are together both of us: long lost loves, playful, fun, happy energetic, best friends, catch up on old times etc...

His friends, my friends attitudes: Again! when are you going to just be boyfriend and girlfriend, you two are too much alike

In the bedroom: Non stop, on a scale of 1-10, 20 and that is from both of us

after math both of us: confused, distant, no phone contact, always respectful and kind to each other

Most recent date:
he calls me after not being with him or seeing him after 3 years? I go on the date, we are both nervous, stressed, uncomfortable, he drank a lot. He spoke a lot on the phone and at the date about what he has accomplished and what he wants to accomplish.

We go to his place, we relax a bit, or he does, he settles down, I'm still uncomfortable and have my guard up, I only had one drink, he drank more when we got to his home. Finally, we are together. Sex is good, but not ultimate, he acted real nervous not his usual self, later in the early morning, we ar together again, we click, its a 20, when we are done I lay down next to him and he jumps up and walks through the house, goes outside, he's only gone a few minutes, then he comes back to bed, that morning he's quiet, but polite, does the whole coffee thing, I avoid eye contact because I know I'm getting all the old feelings back. We don't talk much only about what we are doing at that time, nothing extra. He watches me a lot, however, every time I catch him watching me, he looks away real quick? We go our own way, no phone call from him. I make the first move? I call him, leave a message, 2 days later he calls me, he apolgizes sympathetically for not calling sooner we get disconnected, thats it! No phone call since??????

So tell me what you think? what is it that he and I are doing? I am at the point in my life, where I just want a boyfriend a relationship, someone to have fun with be friends with and have great love making sessions. I stress love making as anytime I refer to he and I having sex, he corrects me or states make love? Just some instight on both of us would be nice.

OK, so you've seen this guy maybe 15-20 times, have fun, have mind-blowing sex, then part ways and don't see each other for 6-12 months? Sounds like a distance friends with benefits relationship. It doesn't seem to me that many friends with bennies relationships end up with much more than that. And as for his odd behaviour? Who knows what was going on in his mind. He may be thinking he's letting the best thing in his life go, or he may be thinking of a way to get out, or about his wife or girlfriend... it doesn't sound like you really know this guy, so he may have another relationship going.
What I'd do, I'd ask him straight out, "do you want to take our relationship further, do you want to date me?" The gauge his reaction and go from there. If he seems like he wants to, maybe you just helped him because he was too shy to ask you. If he seems put off, then you know it's time to go look for a relationship elsewhere.