He keeps telling me I shouldn't feel the way that I do, that I have no reason to. What do I do?

[Larissa]

When I approach my boyfriend about something that's bothering me that I just want to talk about, I use the approach of saying "I feel..." or, "When this happened, I felt like...."

But no matter how I phrase it, he gets immediately upset and says that I shouldn't feel that way because I have no reason to. That I'm just being irrational. He gets so upset and then brings up how he can never make me happy and there is nothing he can ever to to make me not upset. That I am always upset at everything. (I'm using exact quotes here...) And I know that I am not always upset about everything. In fact, I'm quite happy whenever we aren't arguing... But he always says how I'm not satisfied and he just quits trying to do anything for me, whether I tell him that it's important or if I need him to do something, or if I'm telling him he's doing something that's hurting me... etc...

He keeps putting words in my mouth and telling me how I should think and feel, and how he can't ever do anything to make me happy or satisfied. But, I tell him what he can do to make me happy.... But he refuses to do it because he says it won't work. I feel like he has a warped view of what I should be happy with. I shouldn't have to be happy when he thinks I should be... I'm really not asking for much... but he thinks I'm asking for the world....

[rob]

Classic example of an insecure male.
My advice would be to simply say stop and end the relationship. I know it sounds extreme but, to me, this sounds close to irresolvable (is that even a word?) as he seems to be addicted to the status quo; he likes things as they are. I could go so far as to say he is simply selfish. He only cares for his own wants.
However, try just to repeat and force him to comply with just a single demand. Usually, in these cases, when one wish is fulfilled, the technique to make him listen is dicovered, and you can make him listen to more than one wish.
Is there any way you can, say bribe him to do something?
Note: Don't follow my initial advice (breaking up) unless you're certain. I wouldn't want to put you out of a healthy relationship.

[Larissa]

I wouldn't know how to make him comply to a demand. He says he doesn't like being told what to do, but instead likes to have a choice or FEEL like he has a choice in any given situation...

I just know that he keeps going on and on on how he needs space away from me to decompress from what have you... And I wouldn't mind if he was nicer about it, and if I didn't feel like he wanted more space than he wanted to spend time with me... But, that's how I feel...

Like I mentioned, I feel like we can't talk out our problems, no matter how big or small because he just takes them too personally and then makes such a big deal out of it and goes on to say how nothing he ever does makes me happy. When I'm the one who feels like I'm always doing something wrong because he tells me how I should feel and what I should do to fix the relationship and not escalate arguments.. When at this point since he thinks that nothing he does works... he doesn't try anything to relieve the situation...

[newhi]

Originally Posted by Larissa

I wouldn't know how to make him comply to a demand. He says he doesn't like being told what to do, but instead likes to have a choice or FEEL like he has a choice in any given situation...

I just know that he keeps going on and on on how he needs space away from me to decompress from what have you... And I wouldn't mind if he was nicer about it, and if I didn't feel like he wanted more space than he wanted to spend time with me... But, that's how I feel...

Like I mentioned, I feel like we can't talk out our problems, no matter how big or small because he just takes them too personally and then makes such a big deal out of it and goes on to say how nothing he ever does makes me happy. When I'm the one who feels like I'm always doing something wrong because he tells me how I should feel and what I should do to fix the relationship and not escalate arguments.. When at this point since he thinks that nothing he does works... he doesn't try anything to relieve the situation...

You say he likes to have a CHOICE in any given situation. He tells you how you should feel, and what he does is wrong. And you feel that way as well. Well, there has to be something he does to make you feel great/good, otherwise you wouldn't be with this person, right?

Give the guy a bone. When he makes you happy, show him that he did something right. Whatver you want your bone to be though, I don't know. A hug, kiss, watching his favorite movie, or going to a place he likes. Whatever you think HE'D like most.

If you feel like he's doing things wrong, and you keep picking at him about it, he WILL feel like he's doing EVERYTHING wrong, and that there is no point at all to even try. Even if you don't fuss that much, it's how some people are. They go off on the smallest things. So just, play it cool and hold your tongue for a while. I'm not saying your feelings don't matter, but you said yourself that "You can't work your problems out" well, maybe you just need a break, or maybe HE needs a break. Just back off, and instead of pointing out things he does that's wrong, point out the things he's doing right. Then once you've made him feel a little better about how he's doing as a man, then just kindly bring something up, not a big something, just one of your little pet peevs that he does that upsets you. Don't do that little mum pappa thing "sit down, we need to have a talk" just, maybe while riding in the car, or talking on the phone, just bring it up lightlying. Don't make a big deal of it, show him that you're not upset over it, even if it's killing you. Running into a horse with a spike just isn't smart. So keep your voice cool and everything, and if he DOES get upset. Drop it, or play it off. Then once he's cooled down, lightlying bring it back up.

If he doesn't wanna work it out, after proving that he DOES do things right, then maybe he just isn't the right one for you...I hate it when people tell me to break up with someone. They don't know how we are alone, and I don't know how much you care for this guy, but just try to work things out the best way you can...lol I type way to much. Best of luck ^_^