Move on or give it another try

[Mike 712]

I recently met a nice girl on a trip interstate, we are both from the same city and we exchanged emails and numbers on the bus.During the trip we where keeping in touch and in her last email before i headed back home she wrote to catch up once we both get back.We went out to dinner everything went smooth called her up a few days after and just talked about everyday events nothing personal.Get some emails of her and txt msgs.During all this time neither she or i mentioned past or current relationships i must add.Now the thing we call each other 2 times a week or so then all off a sudden she comes out with i have a boyfriend.Since she said that theres hasn't been any communication either way i was thinking perhaps she was going through a breakup when we met and now they made up.I like to persue her, but i also wouldnt like to get between them.Any advice.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Sounds like you two are doing a lot of remote texting and calling but no in person contact. the problem with that situation is that our brain (read: imagination) makes up all kinds of missing details about the other person and the relationship is built on an illusion.

Now... sounds like you had the possibility for a relationship, and then suddenly she said 'wait, I have a boyfriend". some girls say they have to wash their hair so can't go out, when in actuality they just don't want to go out that night.

My point: if I was in your situation I'd connect with her and get with her in person ASAP for a heart to heart. see how it feels, see if there's a real connection there, and find out in person if there really is another relationship that she is actually completely in.

You can't do this stuff over text or phone... we humans are pack animals, we need that human contact. You need to see, feel, experience the other person to really get what they're saying, how they really feel.

That's just what I'd do if it was me...
-- Dan

[Xero]

To add on to what Dan said. (this was before I saw his post.)

Hrm, it sounds to me she may be telling the truth or is afraid to be close. She might have also been going through a break-up. I think an e-mail asking for some clarification on this would be good.

If its true then it's time to let her go depending on the circumstances. If she has one ok time to move on, if it was in a breakup then I would also move on. I would hate to see my other with someone if we where broken up for a bit of time.

If she was just afraid then just explain to her how you feel or how you want to continue things. Hopefully she will answer your questions, I would find it only fair for her to explain things to you.

If she doesn't I would move on then, it's not worth your time.

Hopefully this helps.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Neither of us is right or wrong, people are infinitely complex as are our relationships... one thing I love about the Forums here is multiple perspectives. :-)

Let us know how it goes!!
-- Dan

[Mike 712]

Thanks Dan i just dont want to look like an idiot if there's nothing there.My first impression was that she liked me as she was the one that initiated the meeting i was going ask, but she beat me to it.Also i didn't add in the first post she said next time you near by we can meet up which totally throw me off.Tells me she has a boyfriend, but still wants to meet up maybe shes just playing me or playing hard to get,like i said its been a few (3) weeks and even if i have the courage to call i wouldnt know how to start a conversation now.I am sure she wont be ringing emailing me or txt me she never left it this long.Might get drunk and ring lol i do my best work when i have a few drinks gives me more confidence.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Seize the moment Mike.

There's a quote Iove: "what would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

I've had the pleasure of experiencing some amazing victories and spectacular "losses" in my life, the only difference between the two being perspective. And I have ZERO regrets. of anything. it's just not how I live.

As I like to say, "do it like you mean it" whatever it is you're doing.

That said, all situations are unique. but the one thing i've learned over the years is to ALWAYS follow my heart, and put my heart and soul into the path I choose.

Fear is the "logical mind" - although there's not much rational about that mind... it's like the crazy neurotic squirrel from Ice Age. Fire the mind, follow the heart. The heart knows.

Sure you'll lose sometimes, but so what - life the the most amazing, incredible multiplayer action adventure game ever. :-) And the guys who do it "half-assed" never win.

IMHO of course.

-- Dan