I'm falling for my friend..

[dasmileyface]

I have a friend that I had a brief fling with (no sex) just messing around 8 years ago. We lost touch and recently started hanging out again. we're both single - shes dating and im not. when we go out - we get along better than we did before. We always have alot of fun, drink alot and make eachother laugh. I get very affectionate with her., hugging her, picking her up which never seems to phase her at all. Anyways a few times i took her home and when i was leaving the first time., i ended up holding her very close, kissing her repeatedly on her cheeks and her forehead., stroking her hair etc..she had a temporary insecure moment which i dont understand she has no problem finding dates. So it turns out I told her that she was perfect - and she had nothing to worry about..

Anyways - we went out a few more times - and the same thing happens had a great time- alot of fun / drinking as usual, and at the end of the night its getting late and im in her bedroom - everyone else is alseep, and somehow i end up holding her in my arms (cuddling her i guess) really close her head on my chest., and out of nowhere she asks me if i would be her "stand in"., I know why she said it but i want her for more than that...

thing is she never seems to remember any of this - the next time we hang out - i dont mention it either....she barely returns calls or messages., i was trying to take her to dinner - because i work only weekends., i havent even spoken to her - got 1 text message saying maybe we can go out on sunday...but she doesnt say anything online., or call - how come? When we are together - we always have an amazing time - i dont even really need to try-, everything comes naturally. So Im always looking forward to seeing her., taking her out, and taking her home. When I get her home I always end up holding the girl and I dont think I have ever elt like this - not even for the girl i thought was the love of my life when I was in high school..

Now Im thinking of asking her out...on an actual date..but I cant figure out if I should since Im not hearing from her - but I dont want to miss the chance to take her out either..Can you help?

PS i think its obvious that im falling for her, but if all she wants is a stand-in then why does everything seem like its much deeper than that? I mean how often do you hold a "friend" in your arms and then not want to leave or end up kissing them gently you know...have....feelings..

[Beagle]

This is one of those situations where we guys all seem to find ourselves at one time or another. The girl makes it clear she cares for you, but for whatever reason she just isn't willing to leave her current relationship. All you can do in this situation is let her know how you feel, then leave the ball in her court. You can tell her you care, but you're not willing to be her "stand in." (FYI, that sounds just a little too much like "backdoor man.")

She's probably not aware of it consciously, but what she's trying to do is get you to accept second place in her heart. If you do that, not only will she lose respect for you but you'll lose respect for yourself.

You need to let her know you care and leave the ball in her court.

[dasmileyface]

Beagle - thanks for your input. Since all of this is happened before and up to last sunday, we haven't spoken or seen eachother. We spoke briefly yesterday - and she didnt seem like herself at all. I didnt get a chance to say anything to her - as I didnt feel like asking my friend out over the phone.

As for being in a relationship - she isnt in one shes single and dating whoever., shes so frustrated with dating shes thinkin of online dating now...How am I supposed to ask out my friend who is now not communicating with me at all - and seems like shes actually pushing me away? I was thinking of sending her a text telling her i noticed she seemed different and asking if it was something i did., then just telling her everything to clear the air....do you think that is a bad idea? should i just wait a few weeks until she calls - because right now it seems if I wait I wont be hearing from her at all.

[Beagle]

I thought a stand-in was for someone else. Sorry I misunderstood. If you tell someone you care before they're ready to hear it, that's a wedge between you and her. I would just ask her out because it doesn't seem like there's anything to lose.

My question in situations like this is "Have you ever thought of us as being more than friends?" If she's interested she'll take the bait, and if she's not she'll make a joke and change the subject. I don't see that you have anything to lose at this point.

[dasmileyface]

Ok would it be a bad idea to leave her a MSG? And explain everything? I mean I hope I didn't do anything to upset you., becuz it seems like I did., I luv seeing you- and it sucks right mow that I can't...I don't know if I crossed a line with you but if I did., let me know so that I can apologize..but honestly I don't have any bad intentions where you are concerned - I think you know that after the last time we chilled together...can I say this? Or will it be a situation where the girl thinks why is he calling me? We been friends for so long! If all of a sudden something looks like it's happening why do I have to be torn up about it? Why can't she just be straight with me? I was planning on holding off for a week - but then I think I have to try this...I have to tell her and then let her decide what she wants to do about it...even if she cuts me off.... Ps I don't plan on mentioning 'feelings' at all

[dasmileyface]

Oh ya and when I was cuddling her she loved it!!! And I want to say that too! Ps you loved it damn it!