Long-distance love square

[Lady X]

Hello,

I would like to ask you for advice.

I met someone when I was away from my boyfriend T. That guy J was in a relationship too, so it was just fun for us.

Later we fell in love with each other, but I have to go back to my place and to my boyfriend. I split up with my boyfriend T because I loved J more. J was still with his girlfriend because of some reasons. I know he loves me, maybe even more than I love him.

Current situation is - I'm in long-distance relationship again, but now with J. Besides, we've been apart for 10 months, he's still with his girlfriend. Sometimes I try to see other guys, but I don't like anyone. J can't visit me because of money issues. I'm going to see him in a couple of months and then go back for another half a year (I have very intense study programme). I sometimes feel really lonely. It has been a year that I'm in long distance relationship and it was hard to split up with T. He was so important to me, we're still in touch - as friends, more or less. Honestly, don't know if I could call it "relationship" - what is going on with me and J. Even when I like someone else, this "someone else" is taken, married or just don't worth it. So, I don't really know - am I cheating on him? Am I in relationship? Then, probably I won't be able to be with him for another 2-3 years.

What do you think I should do? I don't like anyone else, but it seems to be so complicated with J.

Some more info - I'm from developing country, he's from Europe. I'm now in another European country thinking of finding a job here - if I could, because of crisis and tough job competition. He's working on PhD, I'm Master student, we're thinking about getting married. So, it's quite serious or suppose to be. I don't want to go back to my country - I just don't like men over there, I totally have same menthality as European.

[dasmileyface]

Hi I figured I would take a shot at answering your question. Here's what I think., if you are in love and planning on pursuing a future with someone shouldn't you 2 be exclusive to one another? Here's the thing you say you are in a long distance relationship., however the guy you are seeing is with someone else? That's not right - see he literally gets to be with her and then see you now and then as well. How is that fair to you or the other girl he is still dating? Unfortunately I think that he is taking advantage of you and her. The other girl doesn't know about you!!! So he is basically cheating on her., and taking advantage of you. I think if he was sincere he would break it off with her and be true to you...don't you think so?

[Xero]

I think you need to get rid of this J dude. He is causing problems for you and the girl he is dating. He is cheating on the other girl with you which is completely wrong. What if the shoe was on the other foot and he was cheating on you with another girl, you wouldn't be too happy.

It also sounds as if he is untrustworthy. This is becasue he is cheating on another girl and being with you at the same time. How can you trust someone who is a cheater?

[karasus]

Sounds like the same shit my dad did, when he cheated on my mother with 7 other women. He traveled a lot so their marriage was pretty much a long distance one. He basically kept a new girlfriend in every country that he worked in.
He had a steady girlfriend where he worked and then occasionally came back to "family" life with us. He kept on saying that he loved us etc, my mom loves him blablabla. He said the same thing to his girlfriends and kept mentioning that he was going to divorce my mother and marry them. He never did, and he used them till they were completely emotionally exhausted. In the end they emailed my mom to tell about all the crap that my father did, and his false promises to marriage
In your case your J says he loves you but still stays with his girlfriend. Do you know what he is telling her? He probably says the same thing to her as he says to you.
You mentioned plans for marriage but here is my question: Did he give you a ring? If he plans on marrying you then he should at least have some form of commitment. Right now it sounds like he is simply dangling some vague form of promise to marriage. Unless he puts a ring around your finger, he has no promises.
In my honest opinion, (this may be an ugly truth) he just sees you as a toy that he can play around with while still maintain the benefits of a steady relationship with his girlfriend.
Now I will take a random stab at your background: tu viens d'une pays francophone peut-être d'une pays africaine. Si c'est le cas je vais vous dire un truc, il joue avec tes sentitments pour lui et il t'exploite. Il utilise le promesse du marriage et le permis de residence pour te garder, mais il n'a nul intention de te proposer en marriage. Il sait que tu as envie de rester en europe et que ta statu en tant qu'alienne te rende vulnerable. J'ai vu trop de cas comme ça.

English translation: You are from a francophone country, probably an African country. If that is the case, I am going to tell you something. He is playing with your emotions and he is exploiting you. He is using the promise of marriage and the residency permit(French equivalent of a green card) to keep you hanging onto him, but he has no real intention to actually marry you. He knows that you want to stay in europe, and that your status as an alien makes you legally vulnerable. I have seen too many cases like this.

I made this guess because you spelt program-programme, French spelling other Romance languages end with an a instead of an e. French is different in pronounciation due to Frankish(Germanic) influence. And you had a lot of english mistakes so English is probably not your language of choice, but you have a higher level education degree so you have a certain level of proficiency.

[Lady X]

2 karasus,

First, as you tried to "take a random stab at your background", I would like to inform you that I'm not from Africa. Believe it or not, there are many other countries that are not enjoying great economy. I just didn't want to blow your mind with the name of country you've never heard about.

Second, please improve your own vocabulary first, as "programme" is a British pronunciation. I do speak French (just for you to know - I used "do" to fortify my message ), but it's not my native language.

Third, I'm glad you know French are using "e" at the end of words. Good for you! And I've found only 1 typing mistake. I know what is green card or residency permit.

You also don't know all details about my situation, so please don't make any assumptions about people whatsoever.

[karasus]

I wasn't actually refering to spelling but rather to some stylistic errors, and grammatical mistakes such as lack of articles after prepositions. Don't worry I am not the grammar police, just curious from a linguistics viewpoint since that is partially my field of study. I am kind of interested on how other polyglots deal with different languages internally, and how language structure might affect each other in their brains. If I prodded too much, and too personally, I will apololigize. I did not mean it in a malicious way, I was simply pushed a little too much by curiosity.