Is She Still In Love With Me?

[RDQ11]

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and 2 months. We live together. For some time now I have been noticing a difference in the way she acts towards me. Everything from a normal conversation to time in bed together. We both live the same type of life and it seems to be repetitive on a daily basis. We both work our 9 to 5, come home eat dinner, make sure kids have there homework done, and then sit on the couch the rest of the evening watching our TV shows. Every evening watching TV I am on one end of the couch while she is on the other. There is no sitting close "cuddling". We are lucky if we kiss or hug more than once a day. Her daughter is right there by her side as well from the moment she gets home to the moment she goes to bed. Normally around 11pm its bed time for us. We may watch a little more TV in the bedroom to get the lazy eye going and then I hold her as we fall asleep. My big thing is that I seem to be the only one that steps up to give the hugs and the kisses or start any conversations. When we do anything like hug n kiss its like she wants it to be quick and somewhat pushes me away. It seems like something else is more important. When we get to bed if we ever make love its got to be me that starts anything. Once again same thing. I rub her back and then get around the hot spots. If she shows interest then I continue and if not I get irritated and roll over. I have tried to talk with her about all of this and she says when it comes to bed she's sorry but she isn't going to be the one to start anything and that if she is laying on top of me then I should get the point that she is all for it. She says she is not the type to be all lovey dovey. I am just getting nothing out of her no matter what it comes to. I am however the emotional type and she tends to give me insecurities now. Is there something that I am not getting here or is it something that she needs to change. If its something she needs to do can I pass the info I may recieve from this to spread to her. Please help!!!!

[Beagle]

It sounds like the fires are cooling. Not all couples experience this, but the majority do. Many people are surprised when the new, exciting, alls-right-with-the-world feelings starts to wear off, as it inevitably does. Many couples find a warm comforting friendship as the passion wanes.

Of course, this could also be symptoms of her deliberately pulling away because she's having second thoughts about the relationship. Ultimately she's the only one who knows if this is the case.

Don't make any snap decisions. All marriages, which is what this is, have ebbs and flows. The entire relationship can't be like the honeymoon. You don't want to bail on an otherwise good relationship just because of a time of distance.

Let me refer you to a good concrete reference that can help.

Amazon.com: Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work (9780767920704): David D. Burns M.D.: Books

[RDQ11]

Thank You so much for your reply to my situation. I have asked her at different times and her point of view is just what you were saying. The new wears off and the old comes in. She says she is comfortable, she loves me and with me is where she wants to be. Her actions and voice give me insecurities all the time though. I guess I just have a hard time dealing with that cause I always pictured a relationship where nothing gets old. With her I don't want to smother her or have her smother me but every day it seems like I expect kisses when we get home, and cuddling in the evening time. That would build my confidence when it come to moves in the bedroom. With her being like the way she is though I just assume she doesn't even want sex and me trying in her mind is me always pushing. I just feel I have been away from her enough with the 9 to 5 and shouldn't have to feel like her roommate when we get home. I just want her do feel the same way as I do about the situation. Oh and thanks for the link. I am going to check that out right now.

[Beagle]

I think you've got it figured out. In our soap-opera age, people expect the honeymoon feeling to last forever, but it just doesn't. When you see people with a whole series of marriages, often what they're doing is chasing that feeling. Love has many forms and facets. People can love each other without being all over each other every minute. I'm glad you and she are communicating about this.