My "rights"?? as his lover.....

[browneyed girl]

Okay I know you have all heard this hoopla before, but just one more time, just in case the advice is different this time..here we go...Just for fun I put an ad on a popular "list", I really didnt mean anything by it..just wanted to see what came of it..lo and behold the most amazing, handsome, out of this world sexy man answered. We met and through the course of a relatively short amount of time( almost 6 months)we have fallen head over heels in love. I have not ever felt the emotions before that I feel for him, I CARE about what he thinks, how he feels and what he wants. I am an educated, hardworking, independent woman, I donot fall "easily" for just any handsome face. We donot live close to each other so our conversations are limited to daily IM chats, phone conversations and emails. Recently he has made a few trips to my neighborhood due to his work and we spend every minute we can together. Sounds perfect? It really is. except for His wife. No, she doesnt know about me, He has too much to lose if she found out. He is working to decide if his marriage ( 10 years) is REALLY over. He tells me to be patient, he says he is making progress. In the meantime I am spending my nights alone, while he continues to share a bed, a home, a life with his wife. I have never been in a situation like this before....What is my role? Do I have one? Am I his "girlfriend" ?Do I have the right to request he NOT have relations (SEX) with his wife? Is that "cheating" on me? anyone got any advice?

[Saishuu]

You don't really have any rights, you knew he had a wife and a family and therefore he can still do everything with them & for them.

You just have to look at this logically and wait for him to finish with his wife or find someone else.

& the best thing is you have the right to do both of these at the same time!

The best advice I can give you is no-matter how wonderful this guy is, don't put all your eggs in his basket and wait. Look for other guys.

Secondly, Don't try to hurry him up, or make demands of him as this could push him away.

Thirdly if you are looking for other guys you a) may find someone better, or b) may hurry this one up.

So you really only have one option if you want to stop spending lonely nights alone.

[fawkse]

why do so many of us women fall for the married guy???
hmmm,
first, you really are afraid of committing to another person, so you chose to endure a relationship that has no real potential.
secondly, you envy the idea of marriage and family, but at the expence of your own insecurities.
i don't want to sound like i am being a nasty person, but if one is married and currently not seeking a way out of the legal and emotional bond, then that one person is very selfish.
think about this man's family and his obligations he is to uphold. he vowed to honor and cherish his wife, but his words were in selfish vain. he isn't living up to his word now, so how can you actaully trust that he will in the future?
now, a marriage can fall apart. however, both parties usually chose to end it together for one reason to another.
it sounds as though this man is playing a very dangerous game with both you and his wife. (even maybe a few other women as well)
please save yourelf all the pain, and simply let him go. this situation your are in will only create more pain.
he oviously is a selfish man. you can actually relate the theory of his intellect by compairing his behaviour to that of a spoiled child. he get's what he wants then goes on to get the next and the next....
lastly,
please take a second to ask yourself why this married man is so much more appealing than the single man next door?
people's behavioural patterns tend to recycle through out their lives.
remember too, that you are not the only woman to be hurt and decieved by this man. his actions should show you exactly how he would treat you if the roles were reversed.
good luck...