Never orgasmed! HELP!

[SamIAm]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and we've been having sex for a little over a month now. We were both virgins before each other, and we both grew up SUPER sheltered (religious families), so we're really inexperienced. I have a major BDSM fetish that I felt guilty about my whole life, and started researching last summer, so I've learned a lot about my body and sex and stuff...

...but I still don't know enough. Actually surprisingly little for how much research I've done.

All that to say, he comes just fine, but I seem to be physically incapable of orgasm. The smell of my vagina bothers him so despite multiple attempts he's never been able to get me there by oral, and all the sex positions we've tried fail to achieve it, and he's offered to use a vibrator a bunch, but I don't like it because it's cold and feels almost like a medical procedure when he does it, and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Plus, what really gets to me is the rough stuff, so I think what works for me might be a little different than what works for other people.

But it's SOOOOO frustrating...I'm a very sexual person and I get really built up, but I never get any release, and it's like I'm just turned on all the time. And when we're having sex and I feel myself get close, but it still never happens, I panic and want him to just get out. It's so built up that all I want is for it to stop, and the two ways to make it calm down are to orgasm or to get him out of me, and since the former never happens, I just freak out and make him stop. It just makes sense unpleasant for me, and yet still makes me want it all the time.

PLUS when my boyfriend tries to hold out so that he doesn't come before I do, since I never come he just gets all floppy eventually and can't get hard enough again most of the time, so then HE never goes either. Which honestly makes me feel bad (I know it shouldn't, but hey I'm so hormonal and emotional I can't help it), and kind of makes the whole ordeal seem pointless...like why go through all that frustration it causes me if even he doesn't get anything out of it? You know?

UGH I know this is really long...I'm sorry guys. Thank you so much for your help. Any input you can possibly give would be wonderful!!! I know lots of women have difficulty with orgasm, but I'm starting to wonder if I have a real problem, or some huge psychological issue I'm not aware of, or an intense lack of skill, or something.

*OH YEAH* Please no one say stuff about my boyfriend being selfish or anything...I know that's a common problem with guys but he's in this with me and gives me ALL the attention ALL the time because of this...he's trying extremely hard. The only way any issue could possibly fall with him is if maybe he needs to learn how to do something he's not doing right. In which case suggestions for how to learn those things would be AMAZING. Thanks guys!!

[SamIAm]

Originally Posted by SamIAm

It just makes sense unpleasant for me, and yet still makes me want it all the time.

lol I meant sex, not sense.

[Beagle]

SamIAm: About 30% of women don't have climaxes. I suspect the two of you have tried most of the standard sexual techniques to help you achieve orgasm.

The first thing I notice is that you're not just unable to have an orgasm, but you become desperate to end the sexual contact. To me, that suggests an emotional connection. Instead of just suggesting techniques, I'm going to recommend that you see a sexual therapist and try to get to the bottom of that.

One thing you didnt' say is whether you can stimulate yourself to orgasm. I suspect you can't. That reinforces the need for a professional sex therapist to uncover the underlying issues and see that they are properly addressed.

[SamIAm]

Beagle,

You know, you might be right...that's kind of true. And no, I haven't been able to get myself that far either. I haven't really tried very much...I still have some deep-rooted shyness about it all even by myself, because I just never went so far as to try to masturbate when I was younger...I thought it was evil. And my boyfriend thought it was evil too, but he did it anyway. So besides being a little simpler, he also understands his body better.

Thank you for the suggestion! I'll definitely keep that in mind. Do you know how one would find a sexual therapist? Can you just ask your gynecologist or something?

Thank you SO much for all your help!!!

[Beagle]

Yes. Your gynecologist would be an excellent starting point. Given your description, I'm almost certain this is something you're going to need help to resolve. the good news is that you will probably be successful if you're persistent. Your guy is lucky, because most women who have this, and it's more common than you might think, just stop having sex and never do anything about it. That's the number-one complaint men have about their marriages.

Please let us know what you find out. I'm reasonably certain that the solution will turn out to be emotional conflicts from your upbringing. However, since these responses were learned, you can learn new responses with time. Sexual therapy is generally very successful, so long as both partners want it to be successful.

[SamIAm]

THANK YOU!!!!!!



I love this website.

[FemaleOrgasm]

They cum with diagrams and instructional videos with a rubber vagina:

A spot orgasm

C spot orgasm

G spot orgasm