Is staring cheating?

[Desperate house wife]

No, he got aroused, with me, and then went back down and stared at her. And yes, I better be the only one to arouse him. He married me, if wanted to be getting hard for the neighbor, he should have married her. I have never met a man, that walked around with a hard on for everything with tits, if he did, he wasnt a man I would be willing to be in a commited relationship with. If she is going to keep him hard, he can have her, thats the way I see it.

[Rembrandt]

I may very well have misunderstood your posts. The internet is not the best medium from communication. Unfortunately it is what we have for this discussion.

Do you love him? If not, what are you doing with him. If you do love him, it just takes work. All good relationships have ups and downs and takes lots of work. There are two people with their own ideas and thoughts. That is why the work and the communication are necessary.

If you two can't communicate perhaps there is something happening in the relationship "script" that is interfering with deeper communication. Get some assistance, together, on this matter. It can be a big help. If you two love each other then it is worth it.

From experience I can say that each of you have your own issues. You have to find a way to get to the ugly truth in which you are not a queen that owns him and he is not a king that owns you. You are two individuals together sharing a life. Get some assistance. It is worth it.

Rembrandt

[stephen]

Sorry for getting the arousal part mixed up. After re-reading your note several times i see your point. Have to agree with you on the hardness. You get him hard to should be able to enjoy the hardness. Not letting the neighbor enjoy it. Have you ever thought about your other half having a fetish with him showing himself?

[Desperate house wife]

He has always said public 'relations' is something that excites him. But he is not a very sexual person (which sux because I am) but I wouldnt see how this would work because she couldnt really 'see' his hard on, but he did have one, I mean thru jeans and a large jacket? But yes you have a point there, I might want to look further into this.
Thank you!

[Desperate house wife]

But your right, we do need help. We both have our issues and he HAS done things in the past to make me distrust him. I dont think he would cheat on me (at least I hope not) But as for wanting other women I am almost 100% sure he does, which is NOT ok with me!!!!!! And he knew this before we got married, and I told him just before this whole neighbor thing, that I felt that hard core check outs of other women werent ok with me, and he said that it was fine, that he wasnt like that anyways. His reasoning with the neighbor thing was because he admires her for being a single mom working, going to college, etc. But with a hard on?!?! I dunno.

[Rembrandt]

If he is going to rationalize like that he does want to stay with you. Maybe he is just trying to fulfill something in his own mind, he might not even know what it is. You two have a lot of work to do. Luckily there are many professionals out there that are skilled in dealing with these issues and are capable of helping you and he acquire the skills/tools necessary to grow your relationship.

Take this as an opportunity instead of an obstacle. You don't have an obstacle of arousal in the "wrong" place. You have an opportunity to grow together and individually as human beings. You should welcome the opportunity. You have a great chance to do something great for the two of you. Do it together and you will not be disappointed.

Rembrandt

[Desperate house wife]

So you really think we should get counseling?

[Rembrandt]

Yes!!! I think that the two of you could benefit from a therapist that could help you two acquire the skills to actually talk to each other without hiding, fighting, or being combative. So many couples combat or argue instead of talk. It takes work, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness (at times) to be able to navigate the strange world of love and relationships.

It would be good for the two of you. The worse thing that could happen is that you two find out that you should not be with each other. The best thing that could happen is that you find ways to mend the rifts in your relationship. In either case you will both grow from the experience. That is what living is all about. Learning, loving and growing. It is a tough road but nobody was promised a rose garden. Do it, pay attention and try. That is all you can do. Put your all into it and something good will come from it.

Rembrandt

[stephen]

Other than going to counseling. You might bring out his hidden agenda, with exposure. Have you thought of Adult video dealing in that assortment of fantasy for him and you? This could be a good way to see what he is thinking, but you two watching it together. Never know what might come out of this...

Best of luck

[Desperate house wife]

wow, your sooo right. Thank you soo much, I will start looking for a good therapist right away.

Samantha