She said she whants to wait...

[Jesus in Chicago]

Im young, in 16 and so is my girlfriend, we are both virgins. But I have this thing that i feel left out for not having sex yet. Some of my friends in school have done it before and i just feel left out. I have talked to my girlfriend about it but she said sex is something she whants to to do once she is married. But i really love her and don't whant to break up with her just to have sex with somebody else. I whant to have sex with her, but she keps saying no. By ive told her i would use protection. What do I do? How can i convince her to have sex with me? or is it bad to do it right now? I have also told her that if she doesnt whant to have sex, can I perform oral sex on her so she can get a lil orgasm. She thinks its weird. I need your advice as of how to ask her or how convince her or something, please help...

Jesus in Chicago

[jeanintro*quitex]

Hey Jesus! how's it going?

Well mate, you have a tough one here. First let me tell you that yes, I've been in your position, all my classmates have had sex at least once (some of them constantly do, but that is just none of our business) and I am still a virgin (17, in college, hard to believe, huh?) Well, the thing is, what is more important for you: to be "cool" and be accepted for something so.... pointless as being virgin or not, or your girlfriend?
It will be hard for you if she doesn't want to have sex, and I understand her (she may have an ethnic/religious backround that she wants to be loyal to), and it will be hard to convince her. You sound like you really want to be with her, so try giving her some time. At the end, you won't die if you have no sex!
The first time is somthing tough for some people, especially if they have, as I already told you, an ethnic or religious backround. Try talking with her about her reasons, I mean come on, just because she doesn't wants is not true! Also, try not to point fingers. Sometimes when we're sad or disappointed we use to sound is if it is the other people's fault, when we just want to have answers. Be sweet and kind if you'll talk to her.
And, well, to your friends, your sex life is none of THEIR business either. I mean, they can brag all they want about their first time being the best thing and the orgasm they both had was HUGE and she moaned like crazy and they shot a big load, and whatever, but you never know if it is true or not, unless you WERE there. So, chill out. And heh, most of the times the first time is not the best time. How can it be, if you're totally unexperienced?
So more simple: talk to her, kindly and softly about her reasons and try to work out a way she will be comfortable and you can still get the experience. And just answer your friends with a 'none of your business' if the ask. At the end, it IS none of their business!!

Good luck my friend, and keep us posted!
-Jean

[K. in Cleveland]

Jesus, well, I think you're a pretty good guy for wanting to stick with her even though she's not interested in sex at this time. By the way, chances are some of your friends are also virgins, but they want to sound cool so they say the aren't.

My best advice would be not to rush things. You're 16, there are more important things you need to worry about right now.. like getting through high school and graduating Seriously though, I understand your desire to have sex, but if you really love this girl, don't rush things. Guys and girls look at the issue very differently. Guys see sex as a cool man thing to do, and they can brag about it to their friends. Then people think they're cool and popular. Girls on the other hand have more emotional views on it. They get called names for it, or are seen as "easy" or "loose" because they have had sex. She probably does not want to be seen this way and she may also be afraid.

If you really want to try to romance her, take her to a movie and a dinner. Take her somewhere private and kiss her, tell her how beautiful she is and how special she is to you and how much you love her.... then go from there. But remember, no means no. If she still does not want to do it, then she really means it and it's a no go situation.

Don't force it or you risk ruining the relationship.

Good luck.

[Sin Secret]

Really, there's not much you can do on that front.

As far as feeling left out about sex, don't. You're not missing out on that much. Sure, sex is great, but it's not going to be any better now than it will be in two or even five years. If she wants to wait, that's what you'll have to do. Masturbate to relieve frustration and tell your friends to fuck off because it's not their business.

If you break up with her just because she won't have sex with you, and you look for it elsewhere, it'll pretty much make you an asshole (personal opinion, but nonetheless true). But it'd be better to leave her than force her.

Sex isn't all it's cracked up to be and theres not reason to rush to it. Once it happens its like oh...well..what's next?

For now, masturbation is just as good. You can even find masturbation toys that are shaped (and feel) like a real vagina, to help your frustration a bit more.

And for the foreplay (oral, etc), you can't push your girl into it because it could make her enjoy it less, but I'd recommend sending her my (or our, since this is a help forum) way. Maybe she can go over her weirdness about it, dis spell some myths, and find something she might enjoy.

But if not, that's that. In this case it's if you love her you'll wait, that's about it.

~Sin

[Purplebear]

You simply need to respect her wishes.
If she doesn't want sex because she's waiting for marriage, you just have to wait it out.
Would you REALLY dump her just so you could have sex with another girl?
You can always just masturbate.
Don't pressure her.

[Exavion]

To be frank with you, I think it's unfair for her to expect you to wait until you're both married. Not that I think you should pressure her, but to be blunt, you probably should find someone who will fulfill your desires. There is little point in waiting if you two are emotionally stable and happy with each other.

[Catarina in Portugal]

Well Jesus, I'm younger than you and not a very... experienced person myself but.. in my opinion, if you really love her, you wouldn't want to leave her just because of sex, right? And I see you already tried talking to her so.. maybe you should wait and let her know you love her anyway. Maybe she even gets a little soft-hearted and reconsiders..
Good luck *

[Beagle]

Jesus, I'm going to give you some straight talk. No means no. You need to respect her.

A girl that will tell you no despite obviously being attracted to you obviously has some good sexual boundaries. That's a good sign that she won't be sleeping around behind your back if your relationship does go further.

If you break up with this nice girl to look for someone who gives it up easy, then you deserve what you find.

Your friends are idiots. I doubt I'm telling you anything you haven't already figured out.

This might be a good time to be counting your blessings.

[FemaleOrgasm]

Ask her for a handjob or blowjob. Say that technically you're not having sex so she doesn't have to violate her no sex before marriage rule.

Also read a short romance story to her with a sexual ending. Women (& girls) are attracted to romance stories like guys are attracted to porn. Women think and feel the same way as the main character (the heroine). When the heroine is happy so is the woman. When the heroine is sad so is the woman. When the heroine is horny so is the woman. Get the idea? Romantic fantasy accounts for 40% of all worldwide paperback sales and is bought by women in all cultures, in all ages groups, in socio-economic demographics. It is a genetic inclination so believe it, learn it and then apply it.

If you PRESENT sexuality to her in a way that her mind will naturally receive it, then she will naturally become horny and forget her "no sex before marriage" rule.