Paraplegic male misses sexual feelings

[OneDayAtATime]

I'm a 37 year old male complete paraplegic(t-10 sci);7 years since i
was shot; no feeling below my belly button;
who before my injury enjoyed blowjobs, sexual intercourse and a lot of
jacking off;many times a day was a norm.Renting x rated vids was a
good day off. Maybe its a guy thing lol. I know this helped my sexual
tension at times and pre-injury, i was rarely depressed,even when things were
going bad.Boy,do i miss sexual freedom.


Getting to what i do without much hesitation.
While i enjoy the taste between her legs, between her ass cheeks and her
ability of orgasmic squirming;always have,it was much funner when i could
feel the touch of a woman's mouth on my dick or feel her warm moist
vagina.Unfortunately,while i enjoy all the positions a woman can put her
legs around on my mouth,its not satisfying me due to all i know i'm
missing out on.Her satisfaction should be enough right? Well its not and its not her fault.I still can't help being unfullfilled knowing what i'm missing. Now,i can't be satisfied sexually and feel inadequate as
a man.Kissing and touching her breasts just isn't the same. I don't have
any sensitive spots that get me turned on. My bowel and bladder i have
no control over either, which only adds to my insecurity sexually. The
bladder medications don't do a great job of stopping bladder spasms.Neurological pain leaves me unable to stay out of bed for long periods of time;usually 6 to 8 hours.

How can i reach a level of sexual ecstasy that can complete or at least
leave me content? .Seeing a gorgeous woman leaves me empty since i can't
feel an erection. Voyeurism and imagining youself as another doing
sexual acts can only do so much. I am sexually frustrated to no end and
miss the outlet of releasing sexual tension.Its torture and so much
misery,especially comparing myself to able- bodied people,which happens,even though i try not to.. I have
looked into para and quad forums to no success. The mind,to me at
least,isn't the best sexual force,although some have suggested that.I have been told by counselors that they know others in similiar situations from Vietnam and other wars.

One Individual stated:

They "treat" their situations by seeing therapists -- which, of course,
doesn't solve the basic problem -- but I guess it helps.

One views pornography and talks to sex-line women. I'm not sure this
helps any; it probably just makes things worse.

Other than seeing a psychiatrist for medication to reduce your sex drive
(if this is a very major issue with you), I don't have a real answer for
you.

At times i do scream,cry for hours on end and desire to be normal again,although i know that won't happen. I should be thankful for what i have,however realizing what i lost,its to much to bare.Sexual feelings were so much part of my life while now i have to compensate in other ways. I long for the way things used to be.Anyway,i don't know how often this is discussed but thought how others cope with these nightmarish situations may be communicated.

. Any advice would be much
appreciated as this person couldn't help!
-

[Dan And Jennifer]

I must admit that I cannot begin to relate to how you must be feeling.

However, the one common theme I read in your message is resistance to how things are now and a longing for them to be the way they were. In any situation, there are only two options - accept it or change it. In this situation, you may not be able to change it (other than medication to reduce your sex drive). That means that you need to accept your situation. by not accepting it, you are resisting it. Resistance is at the root of all misery. If you look back at you life an thing of every time you felt miserable, I'll be with a little focus, you'll be able to identify the the thing that you were resisting...

This may not be what you want to hear, but accepting life just as it is in this moment will help you more than any amount of counseling. It may be difficult at first, but if you look hard enough, you can find something to be grateful for each and every moment of every day.

The choice is yours and only yours. Choose to resist (misery) or choose to accept (happiness) each moment exactly as it is...

[OneDayAtATime]

I appreciate your time, trying to not comfort me but tell me like it is. Yeah,you're right you can't relate. If you no longer could feel your genetial area,you can bet you'll
be thinking about how life used to be some also.That doesn't ever go away. My nickname says it all.



I wasn't asking how i can live being a paraplegic. I have enough life experience on that.Thats not your expertise.I wish that on noone.
My question had to do with how can i receive sexual satisfaction through sex,despite not having any sensitive spots.

So your saying i have to have other things satisfy my physical urges.

We're sexual beings and never being able to have that feeling again would make most men feel disappointed.

I can't drink because of all my medications;it screws with your body anyway,or dance at clubs or go swimming because of incontinence issures or go on amusement rides. You get the picture.You can only be grateful so much for your g/f or you can move your arms or food or TV or the sun,etc,etc. My fun is limited greatly.

Every Spinal Cord Injury patient deals with depression in some form or another.I did write

I am sexually frustrated to no end and
miss the outlet of releasing sexual tension.Its torture and so much
misery,especially comparing myself to able- bodied people,which happens,even though i try not to.

Yeah,i'm using my inability to feel sex as an excuse. I will focus more on what you advised though. .

Thanks again.

[Melody Brooke]

Wow. I am so sorry. I can't imagine the despair you must feel. The fact that you have a girlfriend must be both a delight and a source of endless pain.

I am a Radix Practitioner, which is a form of bodywork that came out of the work of Wilhelm Reich, a student of Freud's. He taught methods for moving energy through the body and releasing it, he observed that all of our emotions are released in a similar pattern to that of the sexual orgasm. Many practitioners can help you have what is known as a "Pleasure Intensive". I don't know where you are located, but if you can find someone within your travel area who is a Radix Practitioner, you might be able to get some relief. While it's not the same as an orgasm it could give you some of the health and emotional benefits of an orgasm - not to mention helping with the frustration! The Radix webpage is: radix.org There is a listing of practitioners on their page and I suggest you find one if at all possible. Nothing will change your physiology but perhaps this could help with accepting what is without losing ALL of the desired effects.

I think you are a courageous person to talk about this, to share it and ask for help, and to be continuing to try to find a solution for yourself.

[RRandolph]

Look into Taoist sexual practices, as they train each person to move sexual energy from their genitals up to their entire body. You may not be able to feel a genital orgasm but you may still be able to feel a whole body orgasms in your upper body.

According to taoism, genital orgasms are the lowest on the scale of orgasms. My teacher has told me about heart orgasms as being incredible and I am currently doing daily exercises to prepare myself to experience them.

It takes much practice and dedication through breathing work and other exercises but I believe it may be possible in your situation.

Books on the subject that you may find useful are tao of sexology by stephen chang and multi orgasmic man by mantak chia. These will give you a greater understanding of utilizing sexual energy and distributing it to your entire body.

I'm not sure how much you will be able to apply but that is for you to discover.

Best wishes.

[RRandolph]

Oh and be sure to try EFT to release any negative emotions about the situation:

EFT - How to Overcome Any Fear in Minutes with this Emotional Freedom Technique

[OneDayAtATime]

Wow. Thanks for the help.

Thanks Melody! The closest Radix Practioner is in NY. I will look into this practice, as its something i never considered.My G/F,Nicole, is an Angel. Without her,this might be unbareable.

Thanks also RRandolph!

Nicole is into Life LIft,a breathing exercise,by Rashelle Haines. Since the bullet is up against my aorta,i'm unable to do any type of breathing exercises,except light ones.

Thanks for the books. I'll check'em out as they sound interesting.

[wendywoman]

Hi One day at a time,

My boyfriend (bf) of 3 months is a high T4 complete paraplegic no feelings from the nipple down but we have amazing sex. He has been paralyzed for 19 yrs. I hope I am not too detailed for you but I would like to help you out. He gets great sexual pleasure when I give him oral sex so dont be afraid to ask for it, but the woman must feel comfortable with the fact you have a spinal injury and you need pleasure too. My bf can make love to me and he feels it differently then when he had feeling. His stomach tenses and he senses that he is going to have an orgasm yes he does and you should be able to have one too. It is not just my pleasure that makes me orgasm it is the the pleasure I can give him to orgasm natural without the help of the electric stimulator.
Ok big one here you need to masturbate and work your organ too.
Dont be afraid to try new things.
Find a patner who is open to all pleasures.
You may find a sensitive part on your back where your injury is if kissed, licked touch it may give you great stimulation.
Yes use your brain to help out with the pleasure of sex and love making.
Yes there is a difference between the two sex is a bit more wild and loud just have some fun you deserve it everyone does.
Love making is just out of this world for the first time last week my bf got on top and made love to me, yes you need a partner who is willing to do some work here but he managed just fine and it blew my mind and he had an orgasm now that is true love making.
Finding the right partner is important you see I do not see by bf as someone in a wheelchair he is just the most wonderful man I fell in love with.
Yes I am an able body woman.
Do not put yourself down because of an accident you are alive and that is the most important factor. You will need to find that inner strength to build the self confidence that you need to be pleasured too, any woman not willing to do so you need to just move on but be open an honest find out what you like.
Tell your partner to ask questions learn what makes you happy too while having sex.
One thing I do that I had no idea just drives him crazy is that when we are just sitting there with each other I rub his legs or his chest yes I know he cant feel it but I enjoy touching his body because I am comfortable with his injuries they are part of who he is.
I do wish that clinics would give more information out to paraplegic men and woman about the sexual side of their injuries.
Life goes on it is just different so explore it.
I hope I gave you some help and it will help you have a better sex life. Your sexual feelings you will find them they are just different.
If you have any other comments if I can help out I will try.
Life is a gift and sex is part of life live it up have fun and find love.
I am 44 yrs old and my bf is 42, his accident motorcycle.
I believe God works in his mysterious ways if my bf never had his accident we would have never met and I would have missed out on the most amazing man in my life and most of all I would have never realized what real love feels like. I was married for 24 yrs with an able body man who never pleased me.
So dont ever think you cant please a woman you can but she needs to please you because that is a big part of pleasing her trust me on that on.
Best of luck my friend

[FemaleOrgasm]

Go to World's Fastest Hypnotist - Home and buy his instant hypnosis DVD.

Learn it with your partner and then get her to hypnotise you and give you orgasms (orgasm is in the brain). Give her "hypnogasms" as well.

Maybe buy a strapon and get her to hypnotise you so that you perceive the strapon as your own penis.

Good luck.