phone sex - YES, actual sex - NO, wat to do?

[dude]

hi, i'm a 21 yr old guy and have a 21 yr old girlfriend. we do phone sex almost daily at night. she really likes it when i talk dirty to her and she masturbates to it.. but when i ask her to have actual sex, she is completely no-no. but she does not want to stop having phone sex. i want to take this to the next step. what should i do?

[Dan And Jennifer]

Is your girlfriend still a virgin?

If so, she may just not be ready to have a physical relationship with another person. She may be afraid of getting pregnant or catching an STD...

Does she want to wait until she's married to have sex?

If this is the case, then you should respect her wishes.

You also, didn't mention how long you've been together...

The important thing here is to talk to her and ask why she doesn't want to have sex. Tell her that you are ready and really want to have sex with her. Don't nag or complain, just tell her that you're genuinely interested in understanding why.

[dude]

hi..
sorry to not have mentioned couple of things..
first of all, yes, she is a virgin..but I do believe that she is not the kind of girl who is totally adamant in not having sex until marriage, she is a passionate girl and having sex would not be any matter of 'fear' or 'uneasiness' for her (to that, I'm confident of). I did talk to her about this and i believe that her biggest concern is that somehow her parents (or anybody else) would know of this and it may cause a great 'social mishap'. Also, almost all of her friends (females) are still virgins so she kinda feels safe to be the part of the pack.
Getting pregnant or catching STD may not be her biggest concern because we both know we'd be totally cautious n careful if we'd be actually 'doing' it. Like I said earlier, she fears that her 'dirty linen would be washed in public'. We're seeing each other for 1 year, and i'm really counting on the fact that we took the next step of knowing each other 'physically' apart from knowing psychologically. please advice

[Dan And Jennifer]

OK, so it sounds like she's just not ready to give it up yet... I'm sorry to tell you, but it's her choice and you should respect her wishes. If it does get out and she gets embarrassed when you "talked her into it", she going to have some serious resentment towards you.

The thing is when it comes to sex, both partners have to be ready and she not. When she is ready, she'll let you know.

At this point, all you can really do is tell her how important it is to you and then back off and give her some time to think about it. If you have a good relationship in all other ways, it would be a shame to mess that up because you want to rush it. And I do recognize that a year can seem like a very long time, but if you want to be with her longer, be patient.

[dude]

hi,
first of all, i totally appreciate ur advice and feel a bit relieved to get a "third person" outlook in this matter (i was getting tired thinking about it all by myself). the thing which u said about her not being ready may not be the case coz she enjoys phone sex every bit as if enjoying sex for real. (she sounds like squirming in throes of passion in bed wen i'm at phone with her). of course, she may not be interested in sex as she is in phone sex eh? both are different; phone sex is more "safe".
and about the thing u askd me to tell her how important it is for me, I did tell her dat, she dismisses it off by saying that I'm saying that only because I'm a sex animal and I want to use her body ( credits to my dirty talk). now she doesnt intend to say it as harshly as it sounds, but i get the idea of wat she meant.. and, i'm afraid a part of it may be true (the first part).
my only cause of concern is dat since her problem is 'feeling of insecurity', wouldn't it be prevalant all the time? she may never spend time with me in bed. and honestly, both of us don't plan, or even think of marriage, coz we both know we dont want that.. wud like to hear frm ya..