Orgasm Trouble

[Jessica in NY]

Well, I have created a problem in my marriage. The only way I ever orgasm is oral sex. But as far as my husband knows, I orgasm during sex. I'm not exactly sure how to break the news to him, as I know it will be a big shock since we have been married for almost 2 years.

[dude]

hey,
guess u had a lot more of oral sex than sex to hav attained dat situation. anyway..how about gradually coaxing him into giving u oral sex in bed? it doesn't necessarily have to be put in words.. like u could take his hands and put it there.. or making him nuzzle your naval and slowly encourage him to move downwards. The important point should be to let him know (without u telling him) dat u are more into oral sex. Once he has got the idea.. but still doesnt make a move, u may then talk to him about it. I guess the best time to let him know would be in the middle of sex. Better tell him "I really like oral sex" than telling him "its the only way I can come".
It may also help to find out how he prefers your womanhood (shaven or unshaven). And most importantly, dont forget to give him a lot of exciting oral sex before asking for one.

[K. in Cleveland]

Well, this is an unfortunate situation. But don't feel badly about it.. a lot of women have done it, you're not the first or the last to fake an orgasm during sex. You may want to tell him that you still feel good during intercourse, but oral is what really gets you off, and just emphasize that. There is nothing wrong with only being able to achieve an orgasm through a certain method. This happens for both men and women. Let him know you still enjoy intercourse and will gladly continue to enjoy that with him, but encourage him to give you more oral... a great way to do so is to give him more oral as well

Just don't beat yourself up over it. But if you feel you can tell him, remember, today is going to be easier than tomorrow, and tomorrow is easier than the next day and so on, because the longer you go, the harder it becomes to tell the truth. You may find when you share something like this that he has had something he wanted to say but was afraid to too.... and this is a great opportunity to bust out the "If there were one thing you could change about us, and there would be no hurt feelings on either side if you share, what would it be?" It is important (for both of you) when you share something like this, that is difficult to say, that there be no retributions when it is shared, otherwise open and honest communication will eventually cease because you will be afraid to say anything.

I wish you the best of luck!