Hoping for some advice.

[hrtee]

Pretty solid forum, I'm glad I came across while browsing YouTube. See, I'm in kind of a dilemma, and I'm in need of some actual advice. Now, I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over two years now, and like every couple, we've had our ups and our downs. The only issue I've been running into, is that her ideals on sex differentiate from mine. During the first few months we started dating, she claimed to be chased, and that she wasn't planning on changing her mind on it. I figured it was just her school, and that she would grow out of it, because Chasity is a joke in my opinion, especially whereas she learned it from her religious private school and I'm not in the least bit religious.

I find it to be wrong that I had to change my ideals about sex, and every time I've brought it up, she gets angry with me because she says I bring it up too much. While in reality, I don't bring it up all that often. We haven't had sex yet, and it bugs me. It wasn't what I was raised upon to wait until marriage for sex, and it's not something I feel that I should have to wait through. I've talked to her, tried getting her in the mood, but every time it just seems like it gets shot down. We do other things, but once the topic of sex comes up, she says it's a no no.

Two years is a long time to just throw away over something like this, but I start worrying that if she had the power to control this, what's going to stop her from making another long-term negative effect on me in the future, and I'll be expected to just go along with it...? Not only that, but I shouldn't have to change my ideals about love or sex just because of the girl that I'm dating.

I've dreamed about cheating on her, something that I would never in my right mind ever do. But it's to the point where it's effecting me emotionally?

Now, is this something I should be concerned about to the point where I might want to consider breaking things off? Should I approach it a different way, if so which way would you suggest? I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, I've been with two other girls previous to her, and those relationships worked out just fine.

[Exavion]

Okay, right here and now - this is half a control issue, and half a moral dilemma. First of all, I think waiting for marriage to have sex is dumb, but that is a personal preference. Is someone else wants to, including your girlfriend, you can't force them into it, morally speaking.

Now you can try to talk to her about it, but honestly if she's basing her decision on religious foundation, she probably will not change. That's okay. Just make it clear to her that if she won't change, something you're alright with, you must pursue someone else who is more compatible. It's entirely fair.

You can't force her into it, but waiting doesn't make sense if you don't want to. A relationship is a two way street, both of your needs should be met, so if it's not working with her, find someone with whom it will work.

[Tara in kitchener]

I'm assuming you knew how she felt about sex a lot earlier on in the relationship than after two years? It's not fair for you to expect her to give something that important to her away. What you could do if you are intent on staying with her is see what she is willing to do. Maybe the two of you can find other ways to satisfy each other without having actual intercourse. If she is opposed to all of it then there isn't much else you can do, if you pressure her into it and then things don't lead to marriage she will resent you and herself. You don't want to do that to her. I think you really have to look deep and hard into the relationship and if you think that you can't wait or that you don't see it progressing into something more commited like marriage then you may want to end the relationship now. Two years is a long time, but staying together for 5 more just because you were together for 2 when things are not working is just crazy. Good luck.