Lost and confused about O, and sex

[Tigress]

Alright, to begin im in highschool and I'm 16. I gave given a handjob or two, but never anything else. I'm debating a bit with my self whether i want to wait untill marriage but I havent decided yet. My current boyfriend hasnt pushed me for sex, but i guess we do end up talking about some stuff about sex. Either way some how we ended up bringing up masturbation. I think we said he did because he needed the release, and stuff like that. Since he wasnt having sex. He then asked me if i ever did. I said no immediatly.
I was sort of shocked I guess, i hadnt tried touching myself before that conversation ever I though it was just something guys did. Well I mean I had heard about it from some girls, in locker rooms, or at sleep overs. But it was always just a joke, or making fun of someone/some thing.

So after he said that, I tried touching myself, to no avail. I googled it got a funny map thing, among other things. I also had some other sites that told you how to. But its never worked. Nothing I do brings me close to orgasm. Infact Ive only found one way to give myself any pleasureable feeling at all. Which involves friction with cloth and funny movements. But its only for a second, and isnt exactly satisfying.

I would really like to atleast feel an orgasm before i have sex, if or when I do. I want to know what its like, or like maybe give me a full picture. I mean I have sex drive, but its never been very strong.

I have never inserted anything, anywhere and dont plan on it until atleast until i lose my virginity. But is there a way to orgasm with just clitoral stimulation?

Thank you very much, I really want to try, Ive gotten curious. But it seems no matter what i do it doesnt help.

So ive tried, using my fingers, but nothing, ive tried humping random things, nothing, ive tried vibrating objects that werent meant to be used for such purposes... multiple in fact... I relax, i do different things, tub/shower, bed, chair, lounge, sofa, etc. I light candles, soft music, I make mental stories, but nothing, zip zilch, nada. I mean i can turn myself on, but that doesnt last long, and only leaves me wanting something i cant seem to give myself.

I mean once i guess its considered horny? turned on, and intrested where the idea of sex doesnt seem half bad. So I just try to feel something, but i only get maybe a burst or sensation. I calm down, ive honestly been trying for the past 2 months+. I mean Im begining to get obsessed by the fact that i cant figure it out. It seems so simple, but i just cant seem to figure out what makes me feel good. Because the one thing i did figure out, doesnt work for long, as its tiring, and involves odd movement, as if im swimming while lying down. I calm down and just try to touch myself, but nothing feels good. Except once, somehow i did it, through like sweatpants by mistake. But it never was repeatable.

But anyways any ideas and suggestions greatly appreciated, Im almost considering doing it, just to see what that feels like because i cant seem to do anything on my own.

So im stuck, and ive got no clue honestly what im doing, or what i should be doing. Or if ill ever orgasm. Or even feel much at all.

Once again thank you,
Sincerely lost and confused.

[Tara in kitchener]

I think that it's a really good idea that you are trying to figure out how it all works before you have sex. A lot of women figure out how to orgasm by accident and it really does take a lot of practice and relaxation. Keep trying and it will happen. A lot of women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation so you are on the right track. It's definately not something that you can force to happen. Try not to get frustrated and remember that it can take a while to get into the right mindset so don't rush it. I hope that helps, it sound slike you are doing everything right it may just take some more time and patience. Good luck.

[Tara in kitchener]

I should probably mention that it's a lot easier to have an orgasm on your own than during sex so I don't think rushing into sex is going to help you at all. I think it will just make things more complicated for you. You definately don't want to rush into it and regret it afterwards.

[Tigress]

Thank you, I just cant figure out what im doing wrong though.. its taking forever to feel much at all, .... i mean its not like im getting close...

Im just stuck at: well that kinda hurts... oh well that feels ok...that is just weird...now im bored and tired.

literally how it goes.....

anyways thanks, so wait longer :S

[dastranger]

First of all relax. You are a normal young person who is willing to get to know themselves better. This is outstanding.

Second, stop worrying about the orgasm. The more you think about it, the harder it is to achieve. Take your time. Find out what feels good when you touch yourself. Sure, orgasms are part of the experience of masturbation, but it's also about giving pleasure to yourself. Explore and take your time. Eventually, it will "come." (pun intended.)

Imho, masturbation is sex with yourself. Sex isn't only about orgasm. Sex is about intimacy and giving each other pleasure. So, since you're having sex with yourself, give yourself some intimacy and pleasure!

Finally, (this may sound harsh, but I firmly believe this) if *you* do not know what gives you pleasure, how do you expect your partner to be able to pleasure you?