Sex Toy Ettiquete

[Hyvin]

I've sent this question to a few sex columnists but so far have not recieved any indication it has been recieved (such as an automated response, "thanks for mailing us we recognize this is a request for advice and not junk mail") here is my question.

A few years back I was dating a girl, we talked about and tried all sorts of kinky things. One thing we talked about was pegging, we even went so far as to buy a strap-on which had a dong for her and one for me, then circumstances changed and eventually we stopped seeing each other although we still talk and are friends. Now a couple years have passed and I approached my current girlfriend about pegging, she wasn't as into it as my ex but was game. So I showed her the strap-on I had bought, after I told her that I had bought it to use with my ex but we never did she said she didn't want to use it, she was still game but wanted a different toy, one that was "ours". Now a decent quality strap-on can be expensive, so I don't really see the point in buying another when we have a perfectly good one. Am I missing out on some key piece of sex toy ettiquete? This toy has not been in anyone's mouth, ass or vagoo, so there isn't any hygienic reason why it would be unsuitable.

Am I being insensitive or just practical?

[sexjourneycouple]

Hey

Great that you could be open enough to share this desire with your gf. The thing you've got to remember is that woman are emotional beings and you've told her that you bought the toy with you ex.
Just imagine if a man asked a Girl to marry him with a ring he gave to say his ex-fiancee who he broke up with a number of years back. No woman would knowingly accept such a ring. Your lady is placing the same kind of importance on that sex toy, to her that sex toy is a symbol of a previous relationship.
My advice is to sell that sex toy over ebay or some other auction site that allows adult toys and use the proceeds place some of your hard earned money to go out with your current gf and choose one with her that she likes. You'll have heaps of fun in the sex shops together and she will create a bond with the toy.
Woman have penis envy (my wife does) what if you had somebody else's cock between your legs? How would that feel?
Take a moment to stand back and put yourself in her shoes...

Good luck with your sexual journey and share you sucesses with us.

[scarbowl]

Don't be cheap. If you want this then make her happy by buying a new one.

You must be unsure whether you want to do this or you would have rushed right out and bought one.

Maybe you aren't sure about the girl?

[stpauli]

It's bad form to use a sex toy on different partners especially one that penetrates. Women don't trust that you washed and stored it correctly and I don;t blame them. Hell, few men wash their hands after pissing so what do you expect?

Don;t be cheap. Get a new one. At the least use a condom on it. All sex toys should be washed in warm water with anti-bacterial cloth and stored in a non-cloth bad the idea being to avoid fibers) and then RECLEANED before use.

See particular instructions which can vary a bit by toy. For example glass dildos cab be boiled which is great for cleaning.

[palmtrees333]

Go for the most expensive.....always.

[Dan And Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Hyvin

So I showed her the strap-on I had bought, after I told her that I had bought it to use with my ex but we never did she said she didn't want to use it, she was still game but wanted a different toy, one that was "ours". Now a decent quality strap-on can be expensive, so I don't really see the point in buying another when we have a perfectly good one. Am I missing out on some key piece of sex toy ettiquete? This toy has not been in anyone's mouth, ass or vagoo, so there isn't any hygienic reason why it would be unsuitable. Am I being insensitive or just practical?

Great question. My feeling is that the question at it's core is not so much about sex toy etiquette, but about your girlfriend not wanting to have sex with something that reminds you both of your ex girlfriend. same could be said for a pillow frankly, minus the sex.

"insensitive" is a label, one that's totally relative and unhelpful. "practical" is also quite relative and misunderstood in our culture. let's let both of those go for the moment.

In our culture we think of ourselves as logical and practical beings (not "animals", though animals are more true about who they are), yet we'll have arguments/fights spanning weeks or months of wasted time that could have been enjoyed otherwise - to defend a point that on it's face seems eminently logical. That's all ego. What matters is having a happy relationship.

Love, emotion, and logic are different animals, you cannot compare them any more than you can compare 2 apples to 2 pears - the number is the same, but they're different things.

Short answer: get over it and ditch the strap on. if you want one, get another one. Those are her terms for her to be comfortable, it's about emotion not practicality, pragmatism, etc.

Sure, you bought it, it's fresh, you want to use it. But the key point here is how your currently girlfriend FEELS about something that was intended for your previous relationship.

What we often don't realize is that we as humans make almost all our decisions (probably all actually) on emotion but our culture has taught us taht we have to back it up with facts - so our brain comes up with all kinds of facts and reasons to back up the decision.

At the risk of opening up a different tangent here, take a moment to consider if you have any emotional tie to that item, because after all it does tie you to a woman you were once with - a reminder of a special bond. Just something to ponder, not to answer.

In your place, I'd throw it out today and move on - but if you do that, do so because you WANT your girlfriend to feel at ease and comfortable. don't try to sell it, don't barter (the $10 you may get for it on ebay isn't worth it). This is about moving on and showing your girlfriend that you're ready to move on.

Hate to put it this way, but to her that strap-on is a symbol of your previous relationship.

Also consider if you actually still want to have such a toy and partake in that today, just to make sure it's not just hanging on to the old relationship. Likely it's just something you [want to] enjoy, which is fine.

Toys are not that expensive (barring the fancy ones that are well over $100), but they don't need to be that expensive.

If this helps you at all - we also have a special deal with our friends at Adam & Eve exclusively for our North American viewers - see the details yourself, but basically it's 50% off almost any one item plus free shipping and some other stuff.

Again, be sure it's what you want and what she wants, though she sounds ready to go for it if you meet her in the middle.

Let us know how this works out!! -- Dan